The Sweetest Words to say to your Job Recruiter

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
The Sweetest Words to say to your Job Recruiter: "I am sorry Sir, but ..."

Submitted: February 15, 2017

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Submitted: February 15, 2017



Picture this: cleaning up a desk at your bright, spacious, open concept office, with colleagues passing by with a smile and a "good mornin'", as they whisk towards their meeting rooms, with steaming hot coffees dangerously threatening to overflow a few droplets onto hands and carpet ... your teammates busily typing and staring at a multitude of interesting colorful screens ... annoying but friendly businessmen walking around, loudly talking on the phone ... the smell of freshly watered office plants joyfully lingering in the air ...

Suddenly! - your mobile phone rings. Colleagues around you continue their work as if nothing is happenning, seemingly even more focused on their screens. Yet, their ears unwillingly grow like invisible radio antennas around you, like newscaster microphones around a major Tesla release, in a press conference which is about to start ...

You answer the phone and exchange intro and pleasantries:

"This is James ... Oh hi Mr. Crane ... good, good ... yes, I do remember applying ..."

And then, to your great satisfaction, you speak music to all those ears aroused around you, and truly the sweetest words you could ever say to a job recruiter ...

(What you said): "I am sorry Sir, but *I am no longer available* ... I have already found *another job position* ... Thank you, yes, yes, you are welcome to keep my CV on your database for next 6 months, and indeed, please contact me if anything comes up ... Thank you, thank you Sir, all the best, bye now, byyye ...". 

(What you really meant to say): "Listen, you lazy incompetent recruiting prick, who didn't even have the courtesy to respond to my application, not even with a one-line personalized e-mail acknowledgement  ... I got a better company, better job conditions, better location, a good inviting team of professionals, and solid prospects for career advancement ... all in all, better than whatever shit it was you were pretending to represent me for ... and here it pays decent money, as opposed to that miserable leftover you proposed after taking out your generous cut ... Now both you and your precious "important client" can go (beep) yourselves and settle for the second best ... Yes, yes, don't e-mail me, don't call me, ever, nothing. ... Byyye!" (click!, eyes rolling exersize in progress).

Looking down, you slowly put down the phone, with a huge grin on your face, possibly accompanied with hidden single-finger gestures.

"Coffee, anyone?" you smile at a colleague next to you ... "Yes, how about them Steelers the other day ... oh, remarkable performance, did you see that? ... oh, man, I tell ya ... :-)" ...

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