I'm Never Drinking Again

I'm Never Drinking Again

Status: In Progress

Genre: Fantasy

Houses:

Details

Status: In Progress

Genre: Fantasy

Houses:

Summary

A man moves to the countryside to start a new job and gets more than he bargained for.
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Summary

A man moves to the countryside to start a new job and gets more than he bargained for.

Chapter1 (v.1) - Chapter 1

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: February 17, 2017

Reads: 100

Comments: 5

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: February 17, 2017

A A A

A A A

Sunset finds me driving through the middle of nowhere on my way to the arse-end of nowhere. The car swerves slightly as I take a drink from my hip-flask - it probably isn't a great idea to be hurtling along a glorified dirt road at seventy whilst drinking, but since when is anything I've done recently a good idea?

I did marry that bitch, after all. I think whilst taking another swig.

Pressing my foot down causes the heap of shit I'm driving to lurch as I push it to eighty miles per hour, my anger surging as I remember everything she has taken from me.

"Fuckin' whore." I yell as the car hits ninety.

My loving ex-wife took me to the cleaners - literally. The house, the cars, the timeshares - even my side business. All of it. Sold to satisfy that money-grabbing bunny-boiler.

The rest I can do without, but I spent years building up that business - Dust Busters - and although it was only a small cleaning business we had a loyal client list, a great reputation and were making a tidy little profit on the side.

That bitch!

Well, ok, it might have been partially my fault.

"Lets keep the business going and we can split the profits..." I had said, reasonably. "... look, I'll even rename the business in your honour."

I smiled. She smiled back.

"So... you'll rename it Cheryl's Cleaners?" She had asked, obviously pleased with herself that she had reduced me to this.

My brow furrowed and I looked around, first at my best friend - also my divorce solicitor - who had just face-palmed himself because he knew what was coming - then her smug looking solicitor before my gaze came back to rest on her.

"No... not exactly... I was thinkin' 'Ball Busters' very apt don't you think?"

In retrospect, the neon grin that I followed with was probably the final nail in the coffin of my marriage.

The business was sold the next day to some cheapskate multi-national. Another gulp from the flask and I'm forced to swerve to avoid a sheep or cow or Christ knows, they all look the same.

Well, after the bitch took everything - including my dignity - my friend found me a new job which comes with a house and car; this is where I am heading now. It has the added bonus of being hundreds of miles away from that leech. It's beginning to get dark, so I hump it up to 100 and the car begins to rattle and bump rather alarmingly. Chuckling, I take another drink as I get a mental image of someone chasing the car trying to staple bits back on. I swerve to avoid another farm animal, then another and then I'm forced to slow down as I notice the way is thick with them.

I guzzle yet another mouthful of my staple fire-water as I wait for the lumbering meat-sacks to move. Looking in my rear-view I see lights flashing off and on frantically. As it gets closer I can make out it's a quad and a short while after can see its rather irate looking rider.

I roll down the window and await his arrival.

"Evenin'," I nod to him as he steps off the vehicle and approaches the car.

"What t'e fuck do you think you're doin'?" he storms.

"Excuse me?"

"Yer panickin' ma animals, ya bloomin' fool."

"It's your bloody animals blockin' the road." I yell back.

He hesitates.

I've got you on the ropes now ya bastard. "It's illegal to allow your animals to obstruct a public highway. I've a good mind to report you..."

"...Report me? Are you windin' me up? Yo've bin drivin' through ma fookin' fields for the past twenty minutes."

Rolling my eyes here is a mistake as I realise he's right, I'm in the middle of a field.

Oops.

"Ok, fair point, where's the road?"

"Follow me..." He grumbles as he steps back on the quad and proceeds to lead me back to the road.

Fifteen minutes or so later I'm actually back on the road and passing through the outskirts of the farming community I have come to work in. As I speed through a long, lingering bend of the road I spot the grouping of street lights which marks out my destination.

Within a few minutes I am driving through the village, following the directions given to me and they lead me to a little white cottage at the far end. The first thing I notice is how beautiful the house is; pure white and roughcast with rustic looking slate on the roof and a well-kept colourful garden. After leaving the car it takes me a minute to track down and punch in the code for the key-safe box, then retrieving the house key I make for the front door of my new home.

I take a slight detour as I spot my office - nothing more than a small lean-to - at the side of the house. I smile as the word "Police" flickers momentarily before steadying again, then I turn and head back to the front door, letting myself into the house.

 

Word Count:857


© Copyright 2017 M K Brown. All rights reserved.

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