Phoenixes and Broken Hearts

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a collection of poems, from rising phoenixes to broken hearts to overcoming.

Submitted: February 24, 2017

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Submitted: February 24, 2017

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“I’m not good enough.”

These words run through my brain daily,

“I’m not good enough.”

Every morning as I look in the mirror,

“I’m not good enough.”

The moment I walk into school,

“I’m not good enough.”

It’s constant.

“I’m not good enough.”

 

I don’t know who I am,

Or who I’m going to be.

So I go back to the phrase,

“I’m not good enough”

To mask the fear of the past, present, and future.

 

Who I was wasn’t pretty.

I was selfish,

I was ignorant,

I was arrogant,

I was ugly,

I was nothing,

I wasn’t good enough.

 

Who I am now is better.

I am more selfless,

I am more wise,

I am more humble,

I am more beautiful,

I am something,

But I’m still not good enough.  

 

Who I’m becoming is greater.

I will be more brave,

I will be more loyal,

I will be more determined,

I will be more confident,

I will be more than I am now,

But I still won’t be good enough.

 

“I’m not good enough.”

Those words haunt me,

Like the ghost of a lost loved one,

Like the last words you heard from the one you used to love.

I don’t know when the voices in my head turned evil,

I don’t know why they started in the first place.

Maybe it’s because I was never taught to love myself,  

 

Or maybe it’s because of society.

A society that expects me to be a model,

A society that wants me to be something I’m not,

Something I will never be.

With these expectations come insecurities,

Insecurities that I can’t fix.

My hair is not blonde,

My eyes are not bright blue,

My body is not perfect,

I’m not good enough.

So maybe it’s because of society.

 

Or maybe it’s because of my family,

A family that ignores me yet expects the world from me.

They baffle me with their looks of judgement,

I’m not normal in their eyes,

I’m not beautiful,

I’m not smart,

I’m not good enough.

So maybe it’s because of my family.

 

Or maybe it’s because of my mother,

She yells at me almost daily,

Becoming upset over nothing,

Saying my grades are unacceptable,

That my behaviour is rebellious,

That I’m the most disrespectful girl in existence.

She says that I am horrible to her,

Yet tells her friends that she would never trade me for another teenage girl.

I don’t understand the way my mother acts,

I don’t understand her love,

I don’t understand how she could possibly care,

But I know that she really does.

My thoughts about my mother are so conflicted,

Because she makes me feel important,

Like I’m something,

But then she knocks all of those compliments down with negative comments,

With shots at who I am.

Even though she says she loves me,

She makes it seem like I’m not good enough,

So maybe it’s because of my mother.

 

All of these voices in my head saying those words,

“I’m not good enough.”

I try so hard to be good enough for everyone,

For myself especially.

That’s where the problem lies,

Within myself.

I’m good enough for everyone but myself,

But I just have to accept myself for who I am,

Accept that I am not perfect and never will be.

 

I am kind,

I am smart,

I am important,

I am brave,

I am something,

I am good enough.

I know that I can learn to love myself,

It won’t be easy,

But it’s possible.

All I have to do is say that I am good enough.


© Copyright 2017 Raven Kendall. All rights reserved.

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