Not Another Love Story

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
I was struggling with my grief after my dog crossed Rainbow Bridge fighting Cancer. I kept thinking to myself, " What am I going to do? What will happen next? and Why her?". I wrote this short story to express my grief, share her life, her strength, and all in her perspective. I found this technique to be very proactive with coping with the loss of my fur baby.

Submitted: February 25, 2017

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Submitted: February 25, 2017

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I had an inspirational dog named Sarah. She was a mix of Chihuahua and Shar Pei and was 7 years old when she passed away. Last year she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of melanoma found on her paw. At some point during all this chaos, the vet told me it was terminal and not a lot of options for her I knew making the right decision for my dog was going to be one of the most important choice I would have to make for her. Do I further her treatment? Or do I make her remaining days happy and comfortable for her? Sarah and I, were determined to prove that Cancer was not going to take away our happiness and take over our life. I wrote this story from the last year I had with my dog, Sarah. I wrote it from her perspective to help me understand that I made the right decisions for her. I knew the reasoning behind every decision I made for her, but what was she thinking when I made them for her?

One day, I woke up like any other day. I jumped off from mom and dads bed and went for a walk. I ate my favorite chicken flavored kibble played with my hedgehog and it squeaked! I love it when it my favorite toy squeaks! But then it got real dark outside and mom starting touching my paw. It was hurting a little but I have had worse pain. She showed me that something was growing between my toes. I don’t remember that being there before, but I guess that was why my paw was hurting. Then she showed dad and he was looking at it. My paw was really hurting more by then. After that, they both kissed me and petted me. Even by my ear! That felt so good, that it made me fall asleep.

Days went by and the pain was getting worse, mom began showing my paw to all the familiars. I call them that because I see them a lot but they don’t live with us. The pain was growing stronger in my paw and that’s when I started feeling really bad everywhere. I wasn’t hungry and the pain was getting worse. Me not eating, I knew something was wrong because I love food! Popcorn, chicken, potato chips, and even bacon! Bacon is my favorite!

Mom and dad finally took me to see the scary doctor. They told her some things that I didn’t understand but later that day, mom and dad spoiled me so I didn’t care that they took me to see the scarey doctor. A couple of days went by and I returned to the scarey doctor but this time it was only with my mom. We were even greeted by cats! Can you believe it? CATS! I knew something was wrong when I saw cats. And she left me. I was alone and scared with the smelly doctor and those cats. The doctors gave me something that made me sleep and when I woke up. There was this thing on my paw and I felt great! Sleepy, but no pain. My mom picked me up and started feeling sick when I came home. I just wanted to sleep, but knew something was wrong with mommy. So, I laid beside my mom and we rested together. Some time passed and the thing came off my paw and in my amazement, my paw felt better! I even got my appetite back! The bump on my paw was gone!

  The next week, my mom’s pocket began making loud noises. She answered this thing she called a phone. Mom sounded really upset, she even started crying. I don’t like it when mommy cries. I went up to her and just started following her until she got off the phone. Then she sat on my bed, and I decided to clean her wet and salty face. It didn’t taste good, but she was unhappy. When I finished cleaning her face, she hugged me so tight it was difficult getting away. But then she said something to me. I don’t know what she said but I knew something was very wrong. I can feel it. She even started spoiling me again. I got to sleep on her bed and on her lap whenever I felt like it! It was Great!

   But then we left our home and Gizmo was still inside. I knew we were going back to the cat doctor place. I did not know I would be away from home for so long without my mommy. She left me with these strange people and I could not help but cry as she walked out the door. They put me to sleep again and when I woke up in my own bed, I felt funny. The room was spinning so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I realized I was still in my bed but I was still at the doctor. I became very sad. My mom left me here and something scary just happened to me. She was not here to tell me that everything would be ok or what just happened to me? A few days passed and I finally went home with mommy. They even took my new bandage off. The doctors took two toes! MY toes. I know mom wouldn’t have left me if she didn’t have to so I forgave her even if I lost two toes.

  I became scared. I didn’t know what was going on. And at some point I started seeing the doctor a lot. Mommy took a lot of pictures and began hugging me often. Bleh. She holds me too tight. But I love her. Then she took me to see another doctor. They didn’t do much. The doctor just talked to my mom about me. Mom began crying a lot. She was on that phone thing too and crying still. I started feeling tired more and more frequently. So I knew that I was very sick. I am not stupid; I just wish I knew what was going on with me.

 I started feeling worse and the days went on. I even started coughing and my appetite wasn’t the same. There were even days I would get hot for no reason. It wasn’t like I was outside or playing. Mom surprised me one day when she came home and brought a new doctor here in my home. She was nice. She didn’t smell like the cat doctor either. And she even played with me and my toys! I like her. I wasn’t scared around her either. I think mom likes her too. I don’t think she will take me back to the cat doctor anymore. The new doctor didn’t poke me with any needles so I like her even more then the cat doctor. She even gave me cheese which helped me with my pain and improved my coughing, no more toes were taken from me either.

One day I was feeling a little weird. I couldn’t describe it, but my head was a fog. Before I knew it, I was stiff and shaking. I couldn’t stop it. I was so scared; I didn’t know what was going on. Then I heard my mommy’s voice. She kept calling my name and said everything would be OK. Of course, mommy was right. She always knows what to say. The shaking stopped. I was tired after it stopped, so I went to sleep afterwards.

It wasn’t long after that episode that I started not feeling sick anymore! I was running and playing again! My mommy and daddy was even playing with me too! I started feeling, normal. I was so happy I wasn’t sick anymore. My mommy and daddy was treating me like a puppy again and I loved it! I was getting so much love. I felt so happy that I was given a second chance. All I wanted to do was play and catch squirrels. I never caught any, but I knew one day I will.

When we moved, I knew I wouldn’t have to see those scary doctors anymore. I would always play, and sometimes I think I even caught the laser! We had slippery floors and it made playing hurt a little more. My mommy and daddy didn’t know and I didn’t want them to know my back would hurt. They saw me slip every now and then but I would always keep walking afterwards. They were always so happy and laughing whenever I would play and I didn’t want to take that away from them again.

Eventually, I started feeling so sick I couldn’t hide it anymore. I started getting really hot again. Mommy, knew what to do. She gave me peanut butter and cheese. That always seems to help. I began to feel better but it only worked for a couple of days. Before I knew it, I felt even worse. I was getting hot again, I began panting a lot, sometimes it even hurt when mommy and daddy would touch me. Mommy started crying when she looked at me. I don’t like it when mommy cries. So, I would pick up a toy or cuddle close to mom. There were times I would just want to be by myself, so I would hide under the bed. Mommy didn’t like that, so she took me to a new doctor. I was so scared. I didn’t want to lose anymore toes. So, I stayed with my mommy and sat on her lap when the doctor wasn’t touching me. After wards she took me to this strange place where people served THEM food! It was crazy! They let me sit at the table with them and gave me their food. It was so nice, being a human for a moment.

When we got back home, they gave me a lot of peanut butter and cheese! Mom and dad gave me and Gizmo lots of new things. New treats, new toys, and lots of kisses. I was still hurting on the peanut butter. But mommy knew. She would pick me up and carry me back down. She would even carry me around the house. I didn’t want to live like this anymore, and they knew. I was always hurting and couldn’t even play anymore. Mommy would cry a lot whenever I was really hurting. I didn’t like that. She cries a lot and then something bad happens to me.

The day came when I couldn’t take the pain anymore. Mommy knew I didn’t want to feel this way anymore even though I love her very much. Mommy and daddy took me for a car ride. I love those, it’s my favorite thing to do when I’m not catching the laser. Then we went to a dog park. I was hurting still, but still enjoyed walking around outside without the leash. When we went back home. They gave me this stuff called bologna, it was yummy. I sat next to daddy on the couch and he was petting me for what seemed like forever.

Then I heard knocking at the door. I was hurting too much to scare them away. It was two new people at the door. They smelled funny. I knew what was going to happen. I wasn’t going to hurt anymore. I hopped in my mommy’s lap. I love her so much and I knew she was upset. I was scared but my back was really hurting again so I let mom hold me. The doctor then gave me something to help me relax. I stood along mommy, while she was petting me. It felt nice at first, but then I lost my balance and was fighting to stay awake, so daddy put me in my bed. Mommy and Daddy were crying. I don’t like it when mom cries but now daddy was crying.  They both were petting me and then  I felt a little prick in my leg. All I can hear was my mommy’s voice saying over and over again “We love you” and “ You’re a good girl”. Mommy even kissed my head and continued to pet me. And then I started feeling relief. The last thing I remember was mommy saying “We love you”… And the pain stopped.

 

 

 

RIP

Sarah

July 14, 2009- October 31, 2016

You are forever in my heart, and will never be forgotten. This hurts, but at least you are not suffering anymore. You didn’t deserve to feel the way that you felt and you were “Sarah Strong” for so long. It was your time, and you were needed elsewhere, so they choose you. I loved you so much baby girl.

 

 


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