We Don't Repair Alien Spacecraft

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Payment is due when services are rendered.

When I put up the sign at my shop, I had no idea it would cause a galaxywide political incident.  I was just trying to avoid wasting my time and not frustrate the aliens from Gloxzinc.  I literally did not know how to repair their spacecraft.  Ever try to read an owner’s manual written in a language from another planet?  My screwdrivers and wrenches do not fit their screws and bolts.  My gauges do not read Gloxzian instruments.

Turns out my sign got used as a political football on Gloxzinc.  Half of the Gloxzites wanted to interact and trade with Earth.  The other half were terrified of us and wanted nothing to do with humans.  They’d seen our TV shows and read our history books.

So the faction who didn’t like us made up a story.  They claimed one of them showed up at my shop and I chased him off with a shotgun.  Nothing like that ever happened.  I had been polite to the alien.  I just said no when the odd looking creature asked if I would work on his spaceship.

Next thing I know, all sorts of people wearing suits are scouring my property and interviewing me.  I answered ridiculous questions over and over.  Same thing with my staff.  It was a sideshow.  We got zero work done the entire time they were here.  

Then the head guy shook my hand, thanked me, and said, “We’re done.”  They left with no explanation.  I found out later.  Interplanetary diplomacy and the prospect of profits to be made had won out.  The so-called incident at my shop had been forgotten.

Forgotten by just about everyone on both planets, but not me.  The incident changed my life.  When an Gloxzite named Saizrik-Chesenye-Tseitzen showed up at my shop.  He wanted to apply for a job.  He said he could fix any spacecraft from his neck of the galaxy, and I could call him Saiz.  

He had his own tools.  And if I’d let him build a cocoon in a corner of the shop, he’d work for half what I pay my human mechanics.  He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.  The next day, I was in the alien spacecraft repair business.  I took down the sign and put up a new one:  We Repair All Spacecraft!

Did I mention that the aliens have four arms?  They are taller than humans and very skinny.  And paler than Edgar Winter.

It was obvious from the start.  Saiz had told the truth.  He is a first-rate mechanic.  And with four long, flexible arms, he can work faster than any human.

My business grew quickly.  I bought out the arts and crafts store next to the shop and expanded. I offered Saiz a raise.  He was responsible for my increased profits and deserved it.  He told me money didn’t matter to him.  That was when the real reason he wanted to work for me came out.

I pay the bills by repairing spacecraft and modern land-based vehicles.  But if I had my druthers, I’d spend my time working on American muscle cars from the 1960s and 70s.  Not many people are interested in one hundred year old automobiles.  I am.  And so is Saiz.  Turns out he is a freak for Plymouth Roadrunners and Dodge Chargers.  

And don’t get him started about the sky blue 1965 Chevrolet Chevelle SS I keep parked in front of the shop.  He said he would work an entire year for no pay if I would let him have the Chevelle.  I’m still thinking about it.

I close the shop at lunchtime on Saturdays.  When it’s nice outside, my automobile club meets in the parking lot.  We show off our cars, and lie to each other about torque, horsepower, and how much money we’ve spent. 

The first meeting Saiz attended we had an embarrassing moment.  I turn my back, and the next thing I know, he is underneath Freddie Smith’s 1967 Pontiac GTO, adjusting the suspension.  He didn’t realize you had to have permission.  Freddie was kind of mad at first.  Now he won’t let anyone but Saiz work on the car.  

It’s not always easy, having a Gloxzite living in a cocoon in your shop.  Like yesterday, when he came to me looking for advice.  He has a crush on Jennelle, a waitress at the Waffle House down the street.  He wants to ask her out, and was expecting me to be able to tell him what to do.

I told him, “Dang it Saiz, what makes you think I understand women?  I wouldn’t be able to explain them to another human.  Much less some four-armed guy from the other side of the galaxy.”

I could tell by the way he looked at me with his third eye, he didn’t believe me.


Submitted: March 01, 2017

© Copyright 2021 Serge Wlodarski. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

hullabaloo22

Brilliant, Serge. And that last line!!!

Fri, March 3rd, 2017 6:24pm

Author
Reply

Thanks! The last line just sort of fell out at the end. I had no idea it was about to happen.

Fri, March 3rd, 2017 3:02pm

Criss Sole

Oh this was hilarious!!! I would like to have Saiz around for sure. Now, was it an alien women he was interested in? Hmmmm.... in any case I hope Jennelle will make an exception. Human men get boring... with their 2 arms and 2 eyes.
Great story!

Fri, April 7th, 2017 9:28am

Author
Reply

I never thought about that! Maybe I'll have to write a sequel.

Fri, April 7th, 2017 3:05am

Ada Haynes

Love it! Keep at it :)

Wed, May 10th, 2017 7:34pm

Author
Reply

I will! I have no idea where creativity comes from but these stories just keep coming out of my head.

Tue, May 16th, 2017 5:38am

mary j. rodgers

it's rare that i read a story where I forget im actually reading. Well written and interesting. GJ.

Sun, May 14th, 2017 11:50pm

Author
Reply

I think that's the best comment I've ever received. I like all of my stories but this one might be my favorite.

Tue, May 16th, 2017 5:40am

C.A. Exline

I heartily enjoyed it. Vaguely reminds me of Larry Niven's Draco Tavern stories--something about the tone. I would be interested to see this become part of a series.

Wed, May 31st, 2017 8:21pm

Author
Reply

Cool! I am a huge Larry Niven fan. Lucifer's Hammer is one of my all time favorites. I hadn't given any thought to following up on this story, but you never know.

Wed, May 31st, 2017 2:37pm

aleeha

it is splendid, serge

Wed, June 7th, 2017 3:49pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for reading and for the feedback!

Thu, June 8th, 2017 2:37am

Gdokim

For some reason, this reminds me of the movie "Repo Man" btw nice car.

Fri, November 23rd, 2018 6:43am

Author
Reply

Good car movie.

Fri, November 23rd, 2018 5:03am

Gdokim

Yes it was, definitely a cult classic.

Sat, November 24th, 2018 12:49am

D. Thurmond aka JEF

Well that was fun, in a tong-in cheek sort of Ha-Ha. ... I mean, I liked it!

Sun, January 24th, 2021 1:10am

Author
Reply

Yup, cars and aliens. You can't go wrong with that. Thanks for reading.

Sun, January 24th, 2021 1:55am

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