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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  No Houses
This is really important to e because it is a true story about Loss, Anger, sadness and many more feelings. The characters are actually real people and the him is for you guys to think about. So Please be nice about it. The end is not true but some events that the author has learned had an impact on the story

Submitted: March 05, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 04, 2017



 As the day progressed it would seem that those flashbacks would not seize. He hated the fact that those flashbacks would not go away. He couldn’t be able to just say “Ok Calm Down. Everything is ok.” He couldn’t be abler to just say that. He grabbed his phone and called his friend Sherrie. Sherrie was a nice girl to him. He was known as her best friend. As she has told him that when they dated “you were my third nice boyfriend.” But the relationship ended as he struggled to figure out who he truly was. He kept saying that he was gay or perhaps bi. But Sarah was there with him always because she loved him and he loved her back as friends. They shared secrets together and Sherrie had told him multiple times that he’s been there for her even in tough times. The times he would talk to Sherrie was almost everyday. They took time away from eachother because he started to isolate himself from people because he couldn't think of how to cope with his stress. He made more stress constantly even when he would see Sherrie. He would have flashback on the time Sherrie and him was dating. Sherrie and him would not be able to talk for another year. They wouldn’t be able ignore eachother because they started to talk again. They started to be proud and happy with one another. They talked as if they knew each other their entire lives. She helped him and he helped her. They also had a friend named Alice. Alice was a good person as well as Sherrie. Sherrie and Alice met in Marching Band and they were able to express how much they loved each other. When he and Sherrie started to talk again she invited him to their practice band “concert.” When he showed up Sherrie and Alice came up and Sherrie and him shared a nice hug. They were showing how much they both missed eachother. He wasn’t as lovestruck as he was when they dated. He never would ever tell if Sherrie would be able to say the words we waited for. The words were 3 words. It was tough enough that Sherrie had bigger battles to deal with. So many men were hitting on her and it’s hard for her to keep up with how many guys she has dated. In this day and age, teenagers would love to experience sex in their own new way. He discovered it in a new way after having sex at age 14 with a guy he loved. He cheated on a girl in his 8th grade year and it was hard for her. He would dwell about how bad the cheating part was and after some adjustments he would be able to express why he had cheated on his 8th grade girlfriend. Her name was Haley. She moved to Italy after her freshman year and she managed to make sense of what he would recommend. He cheated and he scemed. It’s like the Elvis Presley song.

“You’re the devil in disguise.” The line “You cheated and you schemed, heaven know how you lied to me and you’re not the way you seem.” It reminded him of how crazy life was in a way where he couldn’t trust anyone. He never trusted Sherrie at one point is his life. The reason he lied to her was because he hurt her and made shit up. He couldn’t save anything. He was on a huge trance where nothing felt the same. He was hurting on the inside because of those memories. Not only were the memories bad they were really bad. That’s when the flashbacks started to happen. His heart was terrible. He can’t love his friends when he’s afraid to fall. His flashbacks weren't as bad as they are now. For the next few years he would encounter very difficult obstacles because of past events that caused his flashbacks. He ended up going through much stress as he would end up with police being called on him.

The second event happened when the first part of summer. He went crazy over a punishment he originally had and he broke it. As much as punishments are in fact hard, he still broke the punishment as if he would not get caught. His transgender brother caught him and he told his brother that he’ll cut his fucking face. The brother ended up telling the mother and when she arrived home she ended up giving an additional punishment and he went absolutely nuts. He was flying and yelling. He seemed to have hit his mom and there was a bruise. He denied ever hitting anyone but it was not true. None of it was. Then as the raging got more out of control the police was called. The mom had continually kept threatening to call the cops. He didn’t think she would do it but she did anyway. It was the non emergency police line but she was also trying to find another place for him to stay. All of this because of a fucking punishment. The event was so bad on him because he never has had the police called on him and he never had to deal with it. When it was over. He was hoping that he would do something bad and have the police just shoot him dead. That’s all he was wishing. He wished that he was dead and was never seen again. It was bad enough where he couldn’t control his outbursts because of what his brother had. The brother had recordings and pictures of his outbursts. If it got so bad where he’ll have to court the brother had it. He hated that his brother had that in his possession. It was bad enough that that happened but it was crazy when it happened. Since it happened he went mentally crazy thinking that it happened. He wished that he was dead and that everyone would just forget about him. So he was losing his patience for life. As it got so bad because he had to be brought to a graduation party for someone he didn’t know because the mom didn’t trust the brother alone in the house with him. So the mom and step dad took him and he didn’t like that. Because it was the day after the whole police incident. He didn’t like the fact that the mom and stepdad didn’t trust him with his brother. He has made threats in his life towards his classmates in his 5th grade year when his parents got divorced. It was hard for him to cope with the divorce and when his parents got divorced he blamed it for all of his choices that he would make. He didn’t like his anger and the frustration was really bad. That in return would create tension between him and the admins of Monarch K8. The K8 managed to suspend him for the threats that were made against his classmates. They ended up sending him to a mental hospital. He didn’t know what has happened and they thought they had something. But he didn’t like the fact that they wanted him to mature up. He was sent to therapy. It was a way for him to be able to talk about what happened to him on a daily basis. Since then he hated that there was an idea that something was wrong with him. He would write in journals that was vulgar. It would say


‘I hate school. I think they would be able to think that I have something wrong’


Most of the anger that he had against people were pretty big. He hated the fact that it was like that. He blamed the divorce for the next 3 years of his middle school years. There was anger and more and more wonder years. His wonder years was adding up to his anxiety. More and More had it’s toll. He would be more and more stressful. The whole part was crazy. He would be able to vocalize how he was feeling but he had a fear of being judged and speaking up. His fear carried through to the time of anger and high school.


In his 8th grade year, he had a girlfriend and at that time too he also had a boyfriend. Now at the time he was trying to figure out who he was as a person and still it was hard for him. He couldn’t be able to vocalize how much pain he knew he was causing. He would go on to tell everyone that he’s gay. But he would not say anything about his so called 8th grade girlfriend. Her name was Hailey. She said that he was cute the problem was she didn’t know that he was cheating on her. When they broke up they were still best friends. They still saw each other until she moved to Italy in her Sophomore year. He didn’t know about it.


As soon as he hit high school. More and More flashbacks would occur. One of the events that happened was when he dated Sherrie. Now this is hard for him to talk about because not only was it an awkward event for Sherrie, it was a terrible event for him. He did ask her out and she said yes. The relationship lasted about 3 months. He was struggling with a inner demon of him saying about his sexuality. He was really scared of Sherrie as of at that point. He would be in his room bawling his eyes out.But someone named Hannah helped him out with the break up and she became a good friend of his. He wished that he knew who he was because he saw men more attractive than women. Sherrie got tipped off by friends of his and she broke up with him. He would go on to look so broken up about it because it was the first time he ever cared about someone. Sherrie and him barely spoke after that. When he hit his sophomore year it was when they really stopped talking. He wanted to avoid Sherrie because he was scared that people would have labeled her as “The Slut who dated a Gay GUY.” Or “Oh it’s the Bi-sexual’s slut.” He was worried about that and started to withdraw from people. He wouldn’t be able to verbally talk with people because of his fear of Sherrie being labeled. When he would see Sherrie, she was holding someone else’s hand. It brought weight down on him. He would go home and drown his sorrows in water or something he could be allowed to drink. He was more broken up about the labeling part rather than seeing Sherrie. He then proceeded to cut himself wishing that he was dead. All of his anger and fears have taken over him. He couldn’t bring himself to say “I shouldn't have asked Sherrie out.” He was sad about putting her through a act of trying to figure out who he was. He would bawl his eyes out every night and would try to find ways to kill himself so he wouldn't have to think about it. In his junior year, Sherrie contacted him again. She wanted to be friends again. He was shocked and he was scared. He was worried someone labeled her as one of those vulgar names and after they talked, he bawled his eyes out and passed out from so much exhaustion over something he wished never happened. He was still scared of all of that. While in his junior year, he met Alice. She was a good friend to Sherrie. He didn’t trust Alice that well but after a few months of getting to know her, she was his best friend. He was pretty sure that Sarah told her about her relationship with him. He wasn’t able to hold in his sadness. His sadness was holding him back and he was scared for himself and Sherrie. Sherrie at the time was already dating someone she met online. His name was Philip. He lived in Mississippi. He seemed like he was a nice person. He had a brother named Gabe. He didn’t know them that well and he wanted to meet them but was worried abou Philip’s response of meeting one of Sherrie’s exes.


He was part of the football team and they were the most accepting football team that he has ever known. He went to Orlando and he would contact Sherrie from time to time but a teammate of his called Sherrie a “Hoe, Slut, Bitch, A fucker,” and so many others. He helped Sarah out through those times. Later on his team mate would say “I wouldn’t touch her with a 5 foot pole. And also I wouldn’t touch your dick to her.” All of these names he never approved. He would be able to come back to give Sherrie some mementos that he gave to Sherrie. He was nice enough to do that. He later ended up helping Sherrie through a tough time as Philip was verbally abusing her. He got so mad at him that he wanted to give Philip his certificate of death. In his journal he wrote


“The very existence of Philip puts Sherrie in danger. If Philip knew me I’d ask if he values his dick more than his girlfriends.”


His journal entries were very vulgar and through the year he would hold his sneaking suspicion and tell Sherrie he’s contacting him. Sherrie begged him not too. He promised but he broke it and he ended up contacting him. He hated him more than anything but Alice was trying to stop him but he wouldn’t. He wanted to get Philip to kill himself. Alice warned him that Gabe would be crushed. He said “Fuck however the twink feels.” He would go on and tell Philip to go Fuck Himself or play with himself. So Philip was never heard from at that point. He would have more problems involving Sherrie and Alice and 2 freshmen girls.


The story between the 2 freshmen girls was about an incident that occurred back in their 8th grade year. The brother was best friends with these two and their names were Madison and Josie. They were his brother’s best friends but that friendship would take its toll as they treated the brother like trash. They abandoned his brother and made it look like he never existed. That fueled his anger and he trusted them. That trust was broken and he vowed vengeance for doing that. It would be found out that the brother tipped them off once and nothing happened. What happened next was that he asked if Madison and Josie were going to be at homecoming. They got scared and called Safe2Tell. The police got involved at when the admins took him out of the dance which he went with Sherrie and one of her friends, Gina. He was told about the situation and there seemed to be threatening messages. They made a lie where they would get those messages on their computers but he caught on and denied it. When he talked to his father he got so overwhelmed that after the dance he threatened to kill himself and then haunt Madison because it was her who reported it and they thought they could try to get him suspended. But they failed miserably. The next Monday, he arrived at school and there was a ton of police officers. At first he didn’t know why they were there. When he texted his dad, he told him he’s scared. The dad took him out because he didn’t his son to be in an environment where he has no idea what was going on and nobody is talking to him. The dad also said that the staff was talking about it and when the dad arrived he heard one of them say “Oh here he comes” That put an alarm in his head where he labeled as the school as “Cowards.” He was mad at them for talking behind students backs. He was so mad about that. He bawled his eyes out again. He couldn’t bring himself to be calm. His dad calmed him down and took him out of the environment that was labeled also as “Fucking Twats.” The next day he returned and his dad told him to say “If you’re called to the admins tell them that you won’t talk without me. If this turns into a legal thing I can handle it.” It never turned into a legal event. The event affected him more than anyone else and everyday after it he couldn’t have a peaceful day. He hoped that Madison and Josie would fall off the face of the earth. He was so mad at them that everytime he’d see them he’d go crazy mentally. Also he wouldn’t be able to trust anyone who tried to help him. He claimed that nothing would help him. Besides Madison and Josie falling into hell with him. He would want them to burn like they would’ve if they got what they wanted. But he heard that they got boyfriends and he said that they’re prostitutes rather than humans. He was so affected that if anyone brings it up or if he see their “Fat Ugly” faces he’d go and get them more than anything. He kept having flashbacks about it because he would see them and it would be brought up again. They never talked to his brother again. But someone who helped him was his best friend Taylor. Taylor was a good friend to him as he would be nice and she would be nice.She had to restrain him at one point because the flashbacks would keep coming and he would go and actually kill them. Taylor made sure that he wouldn’t do anything and she got him to think about something happy. It worked for a second.  Sherrie didn’t know who it was but while he was in San Jose, California, Sherrie told him that she got a boyfriend but the event came back up and he said that he was planning vengeance. He thought Sherrie knew something. She kept claiming she didn’t know anything. He knew that she was lying. He couldn’t trust her at that point. He put all of his trust and he thinks that she broke it. He got so mad that when he was in Palo Alto, he was too focused on that than anything else. He was so mad at her. But things cooled down and they were back as they were. The event didn’t leave his mind at all because it was a traumatic event for a special needs teen. He couldn’t bring his mind to what happened.


This one even shocked him but it made Sherrie more scared than ever. So Sherrie told him a secret and she prefers it stays a secret and when he read the text message, he couldn’t believe his eyes. He was like “That’s not true. It’s not. It’s not. IT’S FUCKING NOT TRUE. GOD DAMN HER.” He said some vulgar things and his cousin, Cherry(Also the author of this story) told Sherrie about what happened. He also said


“I want to look her in her face and tell her what a lying cheap bullfucker Overstuffed, white trash slut low life emo looking fucker bug eyed shit haired worm headed piece of shit she is. Hallelujah Holy Fuck. Where’s my stress drops.”


That was what he ranted about. He wished that Sherrie didn’t tell him or Cherry. It was shocking. It put a picture of Sherrie and someone else and he couldn’t get it out of his head. Cherry tried to calm him down but she couldn’t, When Cherry talked to him he said

“I can’t believe this. I can’t look at her the same ever again. I wish she never met me. I wish I killed myself after she and I broke up. I wish I was dead right now. I..”


He was just exhausted because of that secret and still to this day he still can’t look at her the same way. Couple of weeks later Sherrie and him talked and Sherrie saw something she never thought she see him do, he cried over the relationship they had. She says that he never hurt her. He was still figuring out who he was. He was so broken up about it that he was considering killing himself on camera in front of Sherrie to show how bad it affected him. She tried to get him not to do it but he still had dangerous objects in his hand. Sherrie and him promised that if anything bad happens they would follow. She actually revealed some really good info about him.


“Well you were the third best boyfriend I had.” she said. He felt good but it couldn’t fix his broken up heart that was hurting. She also said that he was her BFF. He also revealed some crazy stuff as well.

“I love you” she said to him. It wasn’t enough. He met the guy that the secret was with and he got a very bad taste in his head. The conversation with him ended early because he was going insane. Like Sherrie said that she would have her mom drive to Westminster and take everything away. But she didn’t know where he lived. So she wouldn’t stop him in time. She was so worried. But when she wasn’t looking he took scissors and cut his shoulders. To show how bad of a person he really is.

“Do you know what it’s like to be a worthless nobody in somebody you trusted eyes. Believe me I’ve suffered. I still do. I live in a constant state of panic, anger, sadness and homicidal.” Sherrie told him that that’s life. He thought he was a danger to her because if he killed himself then she would follow him. He knew that he couldn’t let her find out. But he never killed himself. He said this to Sherrie.


“You made me a better person. You've taught me a lot and you helped me find out who I was as a person. You brought me to a better place. You made a good decision and hearing those things was the best I heard from an "ex" It was a first. Not only are you my best squirrel friend you are my BFF. But I'll be here always and I promise nothing will happen to me. I'll be fine.”


She said that that was sweet. She knew that he was sweet guy. She’s happy for how far he has come. She loved him and he loved her. But the guy who was on the skype call asked if he was ok and it was obvious that he wasn’t. He was in a state of panic. A very bad state of panic. He wanted to kill himself so she wouldn’t have to deal with his drama and his dangers that he brings. He didn’t want to say that to Sherrie out loud. He hated to hear that he would be putting a life on the line but he put Sherrie’s life on the line when they dated. He was still torn up about the whole decision of dating her but also about that secret that she told him. He couldn’t shake it and he can’t hold his sadness in because he’s 18 and he couldn’t be able to look at Sherrie the same. He couldn’t see anyone the same. The flashbacks were able to make his anger more and more intense. When anyone asked if he was ok or if anything was wrong, he would just deflect it and say he’s fine. He was writing a lot about how much everything was happening. He would talk to the therapist and psychologist and he couldn’t get his words out. He was hurting and was being extremely homicidal. Those thoughts would be a huge problem considering he put Sherrie and Alice’s life on the line because of the promise. It was harder for him to even keep that promise. The promise was then broken later on as he would take scissors and honestly cut his shoulders to show how worthless he was. Sherrie would continuously tell him that he wasn’t worthless. In his journals an entry was found and it said


“I heard the nicest thing from Sherrie. It showed that she cared about me. I care about her but it would turn out that she would follow me if I would die. It was hard enough that she showed that she was stronger than I was. I’m glad that she’s stronger than I am. I can’t be able to tell anyone how I feel because I have that paranoia of being judged and hearing adults say ‘that happened years ago why are you still obsessing over it.’ I’ve heard and seen stuff that I wish I never have seen. I am disturbed and since then I have been torturing myself because of all of these flashbacks that I’ve been having. I can’t believe anything anyone says. I can’t trust a living soul. Since Madison and Josie freaked out on me when I wasn’t going to do anything yet. I am still committed to giving them what they deserve. I know that Taylor has been trying to get me to stop but I have the anger that has reached it’s boiling point. She says that it won’t solve anything. I think it would satisfy my anger towards them and I hope they all burn more than anybody. More than Donald Trump. Will they realize that I will do it someday.”


Teachers and therapists have figures heard that he’s not depressed but it sounds like these flashbacks have brought him to that point. He’s said he’s been torturing himself and he has said that once he deals with Madison and Josie then he’ll kill himself to avoid people trying to get him in trouble. It has been told more than a dozen times that it wouldn’t solve anything but it would bring his loved ones down. He would express how much hatred that he had for life and how bad it was. The therapists that he had have been giving him documents that have been helpful and his favorite one is this one called “Urge Surfing” It said this.


`“Urge surfing is the non judgemental acceptance of urges that allows you to simply notice and ride their ebbs and flows without reaction

The essence of urge surfing is to understand that urges are a part of our experiences and are not commands for action. Often, instead of watching our urges we unwittingly intensify them. Judging and catastrophizing are two ways in which we make it harder on ourselves to tolerate urges. We have a natural tendency to want to escape urges we judge to be intolerable by fighting them or acting on them. Both of these approaches to urges ultimately intensify them.


Trying to fight urges is not unlike struggling to escape quicksand: frantic efforts lead to sinking. Like fighting urges, escaping discomfort by acting on urges will also cause you to go under in time. This happens because relieving tension with unhealthy behaviors is reinforcing and feeds the cycle of urges followed by ineffective actions.


The secret is not to panic and react but to float. Riding the ebbs and flows requires us to be willing to have a non judgemental relationship with our urges, even when they cause intense discomfort. It may seem counter intuitive, but an acceptance based relationship with urges, emotions, or other uncomfortable experiences will decrease the intensity of many of these experiences over time. Remember that acceptance is not resignation; instead it is a state of mind in which we acknowledge “what is” freeing up on recourses to be responsive and effective.


Practice urge surfing when your urges are at lower levels. Like real surfing, you learn to ride smaller waves before you can graduate to large swells, and you also learn when the waves are too intense to ride. Keep in mind that urge surfing works well in combination with other skills, such as distraction. Be responsive and switch up the skills strategies based on what works.”


He used urge surfing a ton but it never would make him forget what happened. Neither Sarah, Alyssa or Taylor heard of these. Then Sarah read a verse from her Bar Mitzvah where God actually protected her. But in his mind. “GOD’S NOT REAL.” But it managed to make him try to figure out is God really protecting him. For him he hated the fact that Jesus freaks would be doing this to him. He hated hearing the “Religious Shit” as he put it. He would go on to say that whatever religion everyone was he still loved them. He would wish that everyone would just forget about him in a way that wasn’t good. Taylor kept saying that


‘Worrying makes people people. Be glad she’s actually concerned. And you shouldn’t torture yourself’


He wouldn’t let those words get to him. It was bad enough that Sarah was worried about him. He was planning on finding a way to make her forget everything. But he couldn’t he lost her once and he thought she didn’t want to lose him. But either way she was about to. He made more and more comments about how bad his life was but what saved him the most was Freddie Mercury. He loved Queen and he was in love with Freddie Mercury. It was like he was lost but Freddie Mercury found him. It seemed to have saved him. He would proclaim how good Freddie Mercury was and how cute he was. Even though in today’s standards people are attracted to Nicki Minaj's ass or to chicks twerking. But he did manage to save himself. He wanted to see how much people meant to him. Now he’s in a better place. Sherrie and Alice and Taylor are able to help him and he’s able to help them. But when a school staff member asked if everything was going to be ok he responded with “No one really wants to know.” He felt like he couldn’t verbalize how and what he was feeling at the time. He felt like nobody understood him. One night it took it’s toll. Not only was his flashbacks coming back but he was convinced that the only way to save himself was to leave the world. Sherrie did everything to make sure that doesn't happen. She was saying that she’ll follow him but he said that he didn’t need her to worry because he’s a nobody and someday she’ll figure out what the cause was.  The secret that  Sherrie told him was too much to bear and he ended up taking scissors and cut himself. It was a way to deal with the emotional and physical pain he felt. He never looked at Sherrie the same. His heart was filled with anger and embarrassment. He didn’t know what his true friendship meant. All he wanted to do was forget that Sherrie even met him. He felt like he was loneliest person in the world. He didn’t know how to tell Sherrie that she shouldn’t have told anyone. He took the scissors and he almost cut his neck. But he left a note that said:


“I hope this letter is found. As soon as you guys read this I’ll be long gone. I have gotten the worst news in the worlds. A secret that should have stayed a secret. I won’t reveal it. I want people to know that I have suffered flashbacks of traumatizing events. I’ve been suffering. I have been searching. Looking for the friend that would free me from the dark and bring me into the light. Then, I found Sherrie. I used to date her and she gave me the feeling of being reborn. It was bad enough that I thought I was bisexual. But asking a girl and hearing her say ‘yes’ is the best feeling for heterosexual men. It was the worst feeling that I have had. I was labeled as a ‘nice person’ to her. Her third nice boyfriend. Believe me, she would have suffered and would be through hell. I couldn't’ bring myself to my feet after it happened. I hurt her more than I hurt myself. Every Time I saw her with another guy it was like I was forgotten. It was what I ever wanted. I then bawled my eyes out when she and I started to talk again. Every god damn night, I cried. Cried for her. Thinking that she was doing it because she was bored out of her mind. But she saw me cry. She said that I was being myself. Showing emotion is what I didn’t want to do. It made her a better person. But it made me weak. Crying was a sign to me that I was a weak person. A very Weak person. I can’t be able to live with myself. I hurt Sherrie and she kept saying that I never did and she has suffered worse events than what I put her through. She a good person and I wasn’t. I want her to know that I do love her. I hope she has a good time with the person that” The note stopped there. Nobody knew what the last part of it was. Who was the person that he was talking about and what did this person do to her. The note was covered in blood marks. The death of him was a shock to everyone. Sherrie and Alice bawled their eyes out and blamed Madison and Josie. They said that they caused him more pain than anything.


Madison was saying that his spirit was still alive. Sherrie yelled “I don’t want his spirit , I want him and You MURDERED HIM.”

“No I never did” Madison responded.

“Who did?” Alice asked.

“No One” Josie responded, “He died he’s gone.”

“Gone, he didn’t just leave, You did it.” Sherrie said. It wasn’t known what happened next and he was gone. Sherrie felt like she was being targeted because of his death and she grew more and more depressed. Alice grew more and more angry toward society and was saying that with him gone it was hard to survive. Taylor was placing flowers on his grave and asked “Why?” It must’ve been the flashbacks he reported having. The flashbacks were taking his life slowly one by one. It got to the point where it drove him crazy and he killed himself. Sherrie and Alice were angry more and more than ever. They ended up saying that the world better know what he gave to the world. No appreciation. He was gone. Sherrie and Alice couldn’t save themselves and it caused them to go mentally insane. They were sent to a mental institution haunted by the image of him. They got out and are living nice lives as wives and mothers. They named their sons after him. They say that’s the only way they can remember him. They lost him and they didn’t want to lose him again.

The sons never knew what happened to the person they were named after. Sherrie says that he just moved away and never said goodbye and Alice said that he ran away and never returned. For years they were haunted by him and they went to therapy to cope with it. They went back to his grave and asked “Why didn’t you tell us about the flashbacks more in depth. We lost you over those flashbacks. But we have one thing to say. ‘We both Love You.”


© Copyright 2018 Cherry S. Mercury. All rights reserved.

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