'' is this life all about? ''

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Thoughts into words in numerous ways.

Submitted: March 08, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 08, 2017




I used to find the world charming, full of joy and happiness until I figured out all of it was a lie, an ugly illusion. I was horribly awakened, as I grew up seeing the true colors and nature which harshly pulled me away from the magnificent dream I believed to be true.

Reality completely overwhelmed me, its hideous atmosphere vanished all my remaining hopes and dreams in an instant which I held on to so tight. My eyes forced open and I was forced to see the outside world, with my own two eyes, without anyone beside me. The world I once thought to be beautiful was disgusting and filthy.

When I was a child, I was an innocent soul who wouldn’t even dare to kill a bug. Who had no idea of what was going on in the world. Who only stressed upon which doll to dress up first, until today, all  those innocence made a fool out of me. Ive realized today, that the world is full of cruel people. People who only think about themselves while I spent my childhood believing that they were kind, sweet and wonderful people.

People took advantage of my innocence. I was being abused, verbally and physically. Being done things, which I could have never imagined for some specific people do. However, if they didn’t do all those  horrible things to me, I wouldn’t have awakened. I wouldn’t have known the joy it brings to them by killing someone mentally.

I could still feel all the conflicting emotions I felt, when I first killed someone. Chills travelled down my spine, my throat constricting and I tried to grasp for air. My heart tightened in my chest as I repeatedly brought the knife down my chest realizing I was useless. That “someone” I killed,  was me. I killed myself inside my head knowing its for the best. I killed myself, being buried in my own thoughts. I continued stabbing my soul until I felt an unfamiliar feeling rise upon me. The feeling I never want to get again.

And then, there was this time, when I completely gave up. Few days back i was only being mentally broken down, but this time I was sure of breaking myself physically. What I chose to do was to kill myself. I held a blade and kept the knife aside. I marked exactly where I wanted to be cut. My hand slowly moving towards my veins. I did stop as my frail arms burned and screamed at me to stop. It was another time, when I just had to stop completely and continue, thinking that I wasn’t only going to kill myself, but also the people around me who “once” cared.

I actually realized that my innocence made me weaker. It made others think that I was easy. I would let anything happen to me and that I wouldn’t stand up for myself. I broke away from all of that when I had the heart to tell all those to people who listened to me. At that point, I vowed myself, that never again, will I allow someone to treat me the way my own blood has.

The normal life I ever wanted, flew out the window when I was being struck by the acts. But it doesn’t really matter anymore. The only reason why im here, without giving up on life, is because I have some unfinished business to do. Theres going to be only one time, someone close to me gets treated the way I was cause then, my sole purpose of living, the reason for my existence will be to kill and rob people of their lives. Theres nothing more beautiful than the sight of blood splattered on the floor of a hideous blooded creature. In this world its either kill or to be killed. I let my self be killed, but not anymore. Humans aren’t humans, nor would they be animals. Animals kill for survival. Humans? They kill for their own sake and that’s what im looking forward for. 

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