CLUMSY

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
My take on the Channel 4-esque documentary involving someone who suffers with a condition called CLUMSY.

Submitted: March 09, 2017

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Submitted: March 09, 2017

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Cognitive-Latent-Underactive-Mental-SYndrome

INT. KITCHEN. MORNING

scene shows a man in pyjamas pouring cereal into a bowl.

NARRATOR

This is John. John suffers from a rare and life changing condition.

 

John spills his cereal all over the table and sighs.

INT. DARK ROOM. DAY

John is sitting in a chair talking to the camera. His face darkened by special effects, even though we have already seen his face.

JOHN

It's just so exhausting. I've had this condition for almost 23 years, it's really affected my life,and I was only diagnosed correctly last year.

Scene changes to John shopping in a supermarket and knocking over a stack of canned beans, and then fumbling on the floor to pick them up.

NARRATOR

John has a rare mental condition which affects the signals between his brain and his body, especially his outer limbs. Researchers at the University of Exeter spent several years trying to figure out exactly what was causing the problem. Professor Matthews explains.

Scene changes to an interview with Professor Matthews, a scientist wearing a lab coat.

PROFESSOR

Well we ran blood tests and performed many psychiatric tests before concluding that John's brain and body just weren't in sync and he was suffering with Cognitive-Latent-Underactive-Mental-SYndrome.

Screen shows a graphic of the word Cognitive-Latent-Underactive-Mental-SYndrome with the capitalised letters in bold and red. Then the letters come out of the words to spell clumsy.

NARRATOR

Cognitive-Latent-Underactive-Mental-SYndrome, or clumsy as it is known to medical professionals, is a medical condition where signals from the brain take too long to reach the muscles of the body, combined with information from the eyes not reaching the brain as fast as normal person's brain. This terrible condition makes John's life difficult.

Screen shows an animation of a normal human body with arrows going through the eyes to th brain and then to the outer limbs. Then another animation labelled as a 'CLUMSY' brain where the arrows take ages or fall out of the body. (the crappier and more ridiculous the animation the better)

Cut to John talking to the camera again.

JOHN

I suffered in silence for years about this condition, I was embarrassed to go to the GP but it was making my life so difficult. So eventually I went and saw a doctor, but at first they were baffled. Finally after years of blood tests, spinal fluid samples and psychiatric tests they were finally able to give me the answer I was looking for. (pause) I have Clumsy.

John picks up a glass of water next to him and takes a sip but spill some down his shirt.

NARRATOR

John's case of Clumsy is some of the worst the medical professionals have seen.

change back to Professor talking

PROFESSOR

I'd never seen anyone with such a bad case of Clumsy.

Back to John

JOHN

Being told I had Cognitive-Latent-Underactive-Mental-SYndrome was such a relief. It just feels better knowing it has a name. People used to say I was just clumsy but now I can say 'no I have Cognitive-Latent-Underactive-Mental-SYndrome, I have clumsy.'

 


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