The Attempt

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
This story is based on the feelings of a real person represented the girl, Clara, who is struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts.

Submitted: March 09, 2017

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Submitted: March 09, 2017

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The Attempt

 

‘Clara’ the person carried on speaking ‘I am The Detective assigned to help you’ The Detective was calm and soft yet unnerved the girl, Clara. ‘Tell us, how are you feeling right now?’.

The Detective’s words echoed around the girl’s head while she analysed the room she was held in, sitting in the centre of the room was her on a thinly padded blue chair. In front was a metal desk with a loop where she was cuffed to, then came The Detective, in the same thinly padded blue chair resting their hands on the desk with a pen in their hand waiting to write their observations. The room was bleak yellow with a black tiled floor; one had a fine crack in from corner to corner.

‘Focus please, Clara’. The Detective paused for a while before repeating herself ‘I need to know, how are you feeling right now?’ The Detective’s sincere tone caught Clara’s attention.

‘I….I don’t know’ Clara looked at The Detective for a sign of how to feel but she saw pity in their eyes.

‘It is normal to feel upset or even lost, you can share how you feel’

‘Have you ever wanted to die, Detective?’.

‘Excuse me?’ The detective were taken aback by Clara’s remark

‘Wanting to die is daunting. You never know what will happen after, whether there is nothing or... or… something’.

‘is that how you feel, Clara?’.

Clara looked back down at herself with shame ‘look at me; I am worthless’ her voice began to break while tears teemed her eyes ‘I don’t deserve this life, Detective’.

‘Everybody deserves a life’ exclaimed The Detective ‘no matter who you are’.

Clara wiped her tears from her eyes before they streamed down her cheeks. Moments of silence passed while they looked at each other, waiting.

‘Clara, from doing this job for this long, I have recognised that the eyes carry emotion. When I gaze into your eyes, I see so much sadness. I could never understand how that could feel’.

Clara’s head was supported by the grey metal desk as she stowed on it, pondering her life choices. ‘it is hard to tell someone you are suicidal. I have only told one’.

‘And who would that be?’.

‘My mother’ Clara paused for a moment, hesitating, but she revealed her past to The Detective ‘The first time I told her was when I was ten years old, I was being bullied and she couldn’t see the signs. I told her before school, she laughed thinking I was just exaggerating but it was me pleading for help. The second time was not too long ago now, maybe a week ago, I told my mother that the reason why I came out to her was because I saw myself getting close to giving up in life and’ Clara hesitated once more ‘and I am getting back to that point once more. She took it offensively, never gave me any advice or help. All I want is help. A reason to live’.

‘A life is valuable; your life is unique. You can do so much more than jump from a building’ stressed The Detective

The Detective’s reassertion took Clara back to the lonely night where she balanced on the hotel’s ledge. The brick, cold and coarse, grazed the delicate skin on her feet. Before she took her last step, a hand latched on to her, pulling her back, destroying the only choice she could ever make

The Detective’s vigilance caught Clara drifting back to that night ‘You have to push past those negative thoughts, Clara’.

‘I can’t!’ Clara threw herself out of her seat with anger ‘do you not understand I cannot push past these feelings anymore!’.

‘Calm down, Clara!’ The Detective sighed and lowered their voice ‘you are a young beautiful girl with a whole life ahead of you; you still have an open canvas to make your own’.

Clara dropped back down into the chair tugging at her handcuffs as if they would drop off. But they never of course.

‘Detective’ Clara reached over to grab The Detectives hands but was stopped by her restraints. Clara spread her hand for the detective to hold. The Detective agreed to connect their hands with Clara forming a fragile bond between them. ‘Continuing to live is harder than taking my own life’.

‘That may be Clara, but you have so much to live for’ The Detective released Clara’s hands.

Clara’s eyes began to swell with tears, her voice began to break once more ‘That have endured this life day after day, year after year amazes me. I have lost so much to the struggle, I feel like I have no choice but to continue this gruelling game of life. I just need a reason, Detective, a reason to live’.


© Copyright 2017 Clara. All rights reserved.

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