The way I was

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
When people ask me what my name is or who I am. Sometime I just stand there wondering myself, do I know who I am?! I am Jessica. I am just 17, who’s a girl, a student, a daughter, a sister. Other than these apart, who am i? I don’t know. All I ever had in my life to define me are my books and my music which people don’t even know. Do you know who you are? Do you truly know it?! Ask yourself, who are you?

Submitted: March 10, 2017

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Submitted: March 10, 2017

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THE WAY I WAS

When people ask me what my name is or who I am. Sometime I just stand there wondering myself, do I know who I am?! I am Jessica. I am just 17, who’s a girl, a student, a daughter, a sister. Other than these apart, who am i? I don’t know. All I ever had in my life to define me are my books and my music which people don’t even know. 

Each one us are born with some talent. Some work on them to shine out of there shell while some just stays inside the shell and live. Every one of us has a secret identity that we create ourselves to share, to be liked, followed and to have a voice. Facebook, twitter or instragram pages gives us a wall the way we want others to know and where we can hide our true selves. By following these, we create so many identities, that somewhere we just lose our true selves and become what the world wants us to become. At some point of life where you get to achieve what you wanted, you might just realize that you lost yourself. Even though by creating so many personalities and identities of mine, I haven’t been able to quite answer one question, which one is the real me?

Yeah, it kind of sounds dramatic and filmy. But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s the truth. I lived a simple yet short life. But through these times, I’ve seen what most people shouldn’t have.

My life turned 180 degree, the first time when my dad died, leaving me just a simple lesson in life and a processor device which I have no idea what it does. Life was simple for me till my life again turned 180 degree to being popular. My second best friend became my world, internet. And this is how I became an icon from just an uptown girl.

I loved music since I was a baby as my family have always been involved with it. But after dad left, I had to close up my luck in music as it reminded me of him the most. My sisters, they are a bunch of crazy freak. Kassy, who is an media star and her life surrounds the social media life only. Ally, she is a crazy designer who ruins our dresses to experiment on her fashion style. Susan, a freak who only loves programming and computer. And finally me, an introvert who only knows to hide.

Does it seem real to you if I say that I became an icon by one night by just a simple secret identity my sisters made that can sing. Yes, I shined than anyone can ever imagined me to be. And I even lost my beloved ones through it. At some point, I gave up everything to run for the identity people loved. I don’t know when I lost myself through it. If I look back, I don’t recognize me anymore.

Now, I’m sharing this because I finally found myself and didn’t want to lose it again. Because I realized that the experiences that I had my whole life is what makes me who I am. I am a Jessica, an icon who gave voice to others, who‘s music made others inspire, a sister who sang her heart out in her sister’s tune. Yes, I am me. I broke, I rose up again. I fell in love and lost it. But I know I am not alone, there are millions out there who are like me wanting to survive. I wanna say to them, you get up every day to fight the same life that left you so tired yesterday, that’s what called bravery. People will talk, just be who you want to be, don’t let the world define you.

You'll go, but You won't go quietly
Go down, but You'll go down fighting
Don't know where, don't know why
But You can't go back, back to the way You were
You'll show who You are from the inside
Gonna take a walk on the wild side
Don't know where, don't know why
But You can't go back, back to the way You were.


© Copyright 2017 Naz.Cristy. All rights reserved.

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