I Remember When

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: March 10, 2017

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Submitted: March 10, 2017



I Remember When -By Remi Chan

I remember when it first became apparent that you had feelings for me. It was the first time in forever that someone had liked me. I remember when you asked me out and i shyly replied with a “Yeah, Okay”. I remember the way your face lit up like a child’s in a sweet shop. You were so happy. So was I. I remember when we saw a movie together. I remember you sitting on the edge of your seat. I remember the endless conversations we had on the phone. I remember the many dollars spent on data and credit just so we could talk from twilight to sunrise. I remember the feeling of lightness in every step. I remember when you’d hold me close just because you could. I remember when you’d distractedly run your fingertips across my arms just because you liked to. I remember when you would make me feel safe and keep me close to you. I remember how tight some of your hugs were, like you were trying to remember my shape. I remember the light touch of your kisses against my cheek at random, your need for my affection and my need for yours. I remember wanting so badly to kiss you, and not just on the cheek. I remember the feeling of isolation when you would leave me alone to hang out with your friend. I remember the green eyed monster creeping up on me, trying to consume my every being. I remember a grey being trying to tell me what I was really worth, his raspy voice calling my name, telling me all my flaws. I remember all the times I saw you, the need for your love was strong. I remember almost giving in to the darkness, almost letting them take me away. I remember the lady with jet hair, cursing at the wind, telling me that I was worthless. I remember the face of a young girl, attempt to pull me through the darkness as I had done for her many ago. I remember her sweet voice saying “You, You are my hero.”. I remember crying and hitting things, those poor objects. I remember texting you and feeling crazy, like an insane person talking to a brick wall, getting frustrated when the wall would not respond. I remember when you replied to my texts for the first time in 4 weeks. I remember when you were pissed off with yourself for all the things you had done and all I could do was forgive and forget. I remember when we were happy. I remember when we didn’t cry in pain and sorrow. I remember when we would smile and laugh. I remember when we would just sit there and enjoy each other’s presence. That. That’s what I want. To feel happy. To be loved. Again. I want these things. But every time I would want these things, I’d mentally slap myself and say “Don’t be so selfish”. I remember when you loved me and knew it for sure. I remember when you left me and was confused. I remember trying to wake up like it was all a bad dream, i wanted it to all end, stupid nightmare. I remember your voice, thick with an accent that I could never erase from my echoic memory. I remember when you’d hold me, as if to say “It’s okay, I got you”. I remember they way you smelled, warm and safe. I remember your aura, like a warm cup of tea, gentle and soothing, washing away my worries. I remember the buzz of euphoria and adrenaline I felt around you, the way you’d talk to me and act around me made me feel like i was on clouds. Where did those clouds go? Did the beings take them away? I want that feeling of happiness again. I want a lot of things. But I mustn’t be selfish. I must wait. I must remember you...

© Copyright 2018 Remi Chan. All rights reserved.

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