If You Could, Would You Teach Me How to Love?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Aurelia's internal battle with feelings.

Submitted: March 18, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 18, 2017



In all her twenty six years of living, the Necromancer had no inclination of what love was supposed to feel like. She was never loved as a child. Never caught the attention of the opposite sex as she eased through her many years of school. She was a recluse, fine with the idea of never being loved and never loving. 


She would rather watch a crowd mingle than to become one of the minglers, it’s how she found herself settled in one of the booths, cerulean hues just watching. It wasn’t the arguing of the couple nearby that caught her attention. Nor was it the group of friends gossiping about the other patrons. Instead it was the family; the Kin that belonged to Raziel and the man himself. She watched as they exchanged words, about what she didn’t know, almost didn’t care. Family. The longer she watched the more her mind drifted… 




She was the keeper of several hearts. How she became so, she didn't know, didn’t understand why. Yet, it happened. They fell for a woman who danced more with the dead than she did with the living. 


She was a scientist, more left brained than right. She wanted the facts, the numbers, the proof behind… not just that so called feeling; that was unreliable, faulty, went against every fiber of her being. She knew how the brain responded when it was “falling in love”. There was the release of dopamine and testosterone which stimulated the attraction, that sexual arousal or need for a person. There was the release of norepinephrine and phenylethylamine, which lead to giving someone extreme focussed attention and the inability to sleep at night. She also knew that if the brain isn’t constantly stimulated by the partner, that the phenylethamine levels drop and depression is soon to set in. 


She didn’t understand why humans or creatures for that matter liked to torture themselves with these chemicals; why they would grow addicted only to inevitably withdrawal and feel worse than before? Did they enjoy the sick game? The twisted humor? The need to feel wanted and complain to others?


Emotions escaped her. No, love escaped her. She didn't get the feelings they got; sparks flying, the crushing feeling in ones chest, that high sensation, or the knotted pit in the stomach. Her brain didn’t become fuzzy like theirs and she didn't lose her train of thought. In a sense, she felt broken… like everyone was given this beautiful and raw emotion and she was given nothing; cheated out of a full life.



They found reasons to love her, when even she could not love herself. They were strong in their own right, handsome with their own unique features, and could make her invisible walls crumble without her realizing. 


They intrigued her, piqued her curiosity, fascinated her. They were only supposed to be subjects, mere rats to study. They weren’t supposed to be anything else. They weren’t supposed to get close, to find her cracks, her flaws, her weaknesses. They weren’t supposed to break her strong facade. Yet they did, they both did. 


It was beautifully depressing the way she crumbled like a day old sand castle, how her walls fell and her secrets escaped. They saw the girl who was abused and used. They say the girl who was beyond scared of water and who hated herself so much she didn’t eat for days so she could be lovely. They saw all that and still loved her. 


They pieced together her broken smile, brought life into hallow hues of blue, and color into alabaster cheeks. They forced her to think in ways she had never before. And sometimes, sometimes they could cause her to find a loss of words, to stumble over her syllables, to become utterly embarrassed. They made her feel things she didn’t want to feel; inadequate, out of her depth, crazy, stupid, and attraction. 




Perhaps this, this was Aurelia Faye’s way of falling in love. 

© Copyright 2019 Aurelia Faye. All rights reserved.

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