Driving in Grimstone Low

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: March 19, 2017

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Submitted: March 19, 2017




Driving Through Grimstone Low


Ruth was a qualified driver

She knew her highway code

She never got distracted

When driving down the road

So when driving through a village

She knew to decelerate

Under thirty MPH

Call it twenty eight

That code is like a bible

Compulsory – not a guide

She knew it from cover to cover

She’d read it from side to side

There should be an extra chapter

That Yorkshire folk should know

Cos the rulebook goes out of the window

When driving through Grimstone Low


If you slow down in Grimstone Low

You’re likely to lose your rims

If you stop, they’ll have your engine out

Your spoiler, wing mirrors and trims

No. it’s different when driving through Grimstone  

You can’t live your life by a book

You have to get your welly down

Boot it. And go like…… muck.


The youngsters in Grimstone are tough ‘uns

Play tiddlywinks, with manhole lids

They play catch with an axe, and tig with a knife

And the adults are worse than the kids


The dawn chorus in Grimstone Low

Is when the birds have a cough and a chuff

Cos the starlings all chew pit baccy

And the spuggies take Grizzly Bear snuff


The Slugshaws were taking there morning constitutional

Well ten of them at least

That’s Mam and Dad, and seven of their kids

And a dog, they called the Beast

There were fifteen Slugshaws I total

And I’d often heard it said

That while some of them, were out walking

The others took turns in the bed


There’s a sign on each lamppost in Grimstone


And I’m sure that, that sign would be heeded

If the Beast had been taught how to read


So with Ruth doing sixty and gaining

And the Beast running loose in the street

There’s an equal and opposite reaction

Whenever two forces do meet

Did she stun it, or maim it, or kill it

Cos she didn’t half give it a clout

But with all the Slugshaws just by her

She weren’t sticking round to find out

The book says that if you hit a dog

You must stop, if it’s safe to do so

Well it’s not safe to upset the Slugshaws

And it’s not safe in Grimsone Low

The cop shop was just round the corner

So she sped there, with all haste

With all of the Slugshaws in hot pursuit

She didn’t have time to waste


When Ruth arrived at the cop shop

A copper was stood by the gate

She came skidding in, burning rubber

And got out in one hell of a state

She said “I’ve just clipped a dog down the road there”

“I don’t think I’ve hurt it too bad”

“But, I still thought it’s best to report it”

“Cos it upset the family a tad”



The cop said “You did more than hurt him”

“You killed the poor mongrel for sure”

“The Beast will be meeting his maker”

“The Slugshaws, dog owners, no more”


“How can you, be so sure?” asked Ruth

“It happened just seconds ago”

“Does the jungle telegraph have broadband?”

“News travels quickly, in Grimstone Low”


Well the copper, he was no detective

But he did have two eyes in his head

And stuck to the front of Ruth’s bumper

Was a dog that was obviously dead


© Copyright 2018 K J Walker. All rights reserved.

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