Super Priest

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Being a priest is not a job, it’s a calling. You don’t get fired like in a regular job, you get expelled. Robin is a priest, a very religious man....

Submitted: March 20, 2017

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Submitted: March 20, 2017

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Being a priest is not a job, it's a calling. You don't get fired like in a regular job, you get expelled. You can be promoted but you won't get a pay rise like in a regular job. You are allowed to fall in love with a colleague, but not to have a romantic relationship with. You are allowed to have sexual fantasies, but not to act them out. Actually, you are not allowed to even talk about it. It looks like some kind of jail where your personal freedom is limited. Did God ask it from the priest? Nope, cause priests is a concept invented by humans. Is it really legitimate if humans waited Jesus Christ to be gone to invent the priests? Nobody knows cause God never said it's right or wrong.

Robin is a priest, a very religious man. He called God the "World's Greatest Dad" cause he is "The Father of Humanity" and never had sex with any women. For Robin, God is "The Face of Love", even if nobody knows how he looks like. Robin is so in love with God that he believes in him blindly. He says you have to watch with your heart and your soul. The eyes are blind, you have to feel the love inside your heart.

If James Bond got a licence to kill, Robin got a "Licence to Wed". He performed the church ceremony at "The Big Wedding" of "Jack". "The Angriest Man in Brooklyn" he had converted to Christianity, who invited his "Old Dogs" (friends from jail) for the happiest day of his life. Robin was elected "Man of the Year" by his local community for converting so many criminals to Christianity. He had a "One Hour Photo" session with "Mrs Doubtfire", "Jakob the Liar", and "Patch Adams" the other aspirants for the Man of the Year Award. He was respected by "The Aristocrats" living in the area.

As he suffered from "Insomnia", he became "The Night Listener". Criminals came to him at night to confess their crimes, and he was not allowed to give them away to the police. All he could do was forgiving them, and passing the confessions to God. Robin believed that men couldn't judge other men. Only God could, based on the words of Jesus thousands of years ago: "He who is without sin can cast the first stone?" Most of the time he would give the criminals the absolution, and he believed he was absolutely right doing it. "The Birdcage" of religion kept him doing what non-believers could do freely.

Once, a man from the "Dead Poets Society" visited him and told him he wanted to join the "Club Paradise" at his death. Robin told him he needed some spiritual "Awakenings" to be accepted in paradise. The Apostle Paul would make "The Final Cut" at the Gate of paradise, and it was not "The Best of Times" to be "Dead Again". So, the man said:

"Can I Do It... 'Til I Need Glasses?"

But Robin told him he didn't need to be blind, but to believe blindly in God. Wearing glasses is for reading something written, not to read between the lines. Jesus Christ used a lot of parables because he wanted people to understand the story behind the story. He wanted followers to be able to read between the lines, not the stupid pharisees reading every line three times in a row. "The Survivors" of the Apocalypse will be humans "Being Human", not humans being monsters.

Before dying, Robin spent a "Night at the Museum" to "Seize the Day" he would go to paradise. The Apostle Paul would do the "Timekeeper" and "Popeye" would open the Gate of paradise. The gate was so big and so heavy that only a guy eating twenty cans of spinach could manage to open it. He wrote four statements in his testament that Paul would read before allowing him into the paradise. It was like to take an exam to convince Paul to let him in.

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."

"Humans made you feel alone on earth, the angels of God in paradise won't." Said Paul, confidently

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."

"Please, keep it for the world, in paradise we don't want to have a revolution." Said Paul, worried

"Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'"

"In paradise there's only one season, and it's not spring. In paradise, let's pray!" Said Paul, looking serious and a bit annoyed.

"If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing."

"In paradise the souls rest in peace, there's no place for laughter or any kind of noise." Said Paul, looking furious and really annoyed.

As Paul was not sure to let such a clown disturb everybody in paradise with his laughter and parties, he asked God for advice. And God told him to send Robin to hell for a period of time to party and laugh with the devil and the demons. Paradise is like praying at the church, and hell is like partying at the nightclub.

"So, goodnight Robin. When you get tired of partying and laughing in hell (nightclub), you can go back to paradise (church)to pray...But wait a minute!!! What if the best possible place is a mix and balance of both!?"

 


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