It's Not That I Don't Love You

It's Not That I Don't Love You

Status: In Progress

Genre: Poetry

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Status: In Progress

Genre: Poetry

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Summary

A poem about being too scared to fall in love
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Summary

A poem about being too scared to fall in love

Content

Submitted: March 21, 2017

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Content

Submitted: March 21, 2017

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it's not that I don't love you 
it's that at age 11
my father slammed the front door 
so hard behind him I swear 
the house shook on the uneven ground
and for the next years I observed my broken mother 
drown herself in vodka
and broken picture frames
that had been thrown against the wall 
with glass shards spread across her bed
that cut her soul with every glance
it's not that i don't love you 
it's that when I was 14 
i was told i was an attention whore 
for my friend anorexia 
who taught me to skip meals 
for days at a time to see
 how my ribs 
pierced through the layer 
of shame that separated the air 
from my lungs 
but if they didn't
 I wasn't considered small enough 
it's not that I don't love you 
it's that I watched my mom my entire childhood
love my dad with everything she had
but he used her entirely for her body 
and her capability to be manipulated 
it's not that I don't love you 
it's that at age 15 
I was told by my father
that I wasn't worth being loved
because I was such a burden 
and because my mental illness 
defined who I was 
it's not that I don't love you 
it's that i'm scared of what love is because all i've ever seen
is tear stained cheeks and abuse


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