A Conversation (in pieces)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: March 29, 2017

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Submitted: March 29, 2017

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"So tell me, O, what is the nature of our relationship? What are we doing here sitting at this table?"
"I can't really answer that question because I don't know how you feel. All I can say is this: I was a fucking mess when I met you, and you gave me a reason to live. You're the reason I walk this earth. You're the very air I breathe. You're my anchor and my rock. You're___"
"O, it's okay. I get the picture. No need to go on." 
"..."
"So, tell me then, is that all there is to our relationship? Am I just your...therapist?" 
"No that's not what I said at all! Look, E, all I'm saying is you're the very first person who saved me from myself. When I had the knife at my throat, you're the one I called for guidance. You were there for me when no one else was." 
"But have you ever thought about me?! Even once? Look, I'm sick and tired of always being the person other people depend on. What if one day I'm the one who breaks? Who's going to be there to pick up the pieces?" 
"I'll be there, E. I promise you that." 
"No, you won't. I'm sorry to say this but, you're still a mess. You've always needed me much more than I needed you. Every time I start to talk about my problems, you somehow manage to interject your own feelings into it and change the tide of our discussion. You always, ALWAYS make it about yourself. What about me, O? What about me?" 
"I...I never knew this was how you felt." 
"Yeah I bet. You know why? Because you're so self-absorbed and narcissistic. Always complaining about your life and your mental illness. Well guess what? I am mentally ill too, and I'm a lot more fucked up than you. Where were you when I was having MY mental breakdowns, when I would lock myself up in my room, too afraid to even look at my own reflection?" 
"I___"
"You know what? Don't answer. You were probably too busy feeling sorry for yourself to even think about checking up on me." 
"..." 
"..."
"I'm sorry E." 
"Look, you may not realize this, but being someone else's muse or source of inspiration isn't as flattering as you might think. Actually, it puts a huge fucking burden on the person. For once, I want to live for myself rather than for other people. For once, I want to be able to depend on someone else instead of them depending on me. You know, just for a change." 
"...E, I can be there for you. I can be your rock. I can be whoever you want me to be." 
"See, that's exactly where you're wrong!! I don't want you to be anyone or do anything FOR ME. Don't act as if you owe me something. You don't, O. I helped you turn your life around because that's just who I am. True, I DID have feelings for you at the time, but those feelings are long gone. They're no longer there. I can't always be the one empowering you. It's a two-way fucking street." 
"But I love you." 
"Do you? Do you really love me, or do you think loving is the same thing as needing? Because if that's the case, then that doesn't make me feel loved. It just makes me feel like I was in the right place at the right time." 
"..."
"So tell me, O, are you gonna 'fall in love' with the next person who puts their hand on your shoulder and asks you what's wrong?" 
"..."
"Come on O, fucking talk to me! Stop looking away. Stop avoiding reality. We both know you're just depending on me. You don't want a partner, you just want someone to be your confidence booster. And I can't be that person anymore." 
"I'm so so sorry. Please. I'll do anything. I'll be more attentive from now on, I promise." 
"It's too late O. That door has already been closed. I see you as my patient now, a friend who only comes to me when they need validation. But I'm sorry, you have to find someone else to validate you. I'm leaving." 
"No E, please don't go! PLEASE! I'll be lost without you. I need you to guide me through this shit. How can I trudge through life if I don't have you by my side?" 
"I've helped way too many people get ahead O, while I'm still spinning around in square one. I'm tired of caring for others all the time, and the last thing I want is to stay in a relationship where the love I give is not returned." 
"But...I need you!!"
"No, O. Like I said before, you don't need a partner, you need a babysitter who can also pretend to be your mother. Goodbye." 

With that, E walks away from the table and exits the restaurant, leaving O alone amidst the tumultuous tide of reality. Only moments later, a server approaches the table who, touched by the tears that have formed in O's eyes, asks whether there's anything wrong. And O suddenly begins to sob, asking the server if they would be willing to grab a drink later. It would really mean a lot to O. 
And even before a response is heard from the server, O already feels like falling in love all over again. 
 

 


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