Vague

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
The second Dekka 2 short story. This time we're going into the mind of Dekka 2, herself!

Submitted: April 02, 2017

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Submitted: April 02, 2017

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Vague

 

Sometimes when I wake up I have vague feelings of once being more than Dekka 2. These feelings are not strong enough, or formed enough to be memories but are more like ghosts from a long forgotten past.

 

Sometimes I feel as though I used to have a name. A ‘real’ name that was used to identify me instead of just merely a number. There are whispers, too faint to hear properly. They give no more than a hint; too quiet for me to catch hold of and respond to. Maybe that is just sleepiness making me crazy. If I had ever had a name surely I would be able to remember what it was!

 

And whose voice is it that I faintly hear. It is not Marcus. And definitely not Sir. Was there ever anybody else in my life? I cannot picture anyone, but again there are faint images, figures that hover inside the back of my mind. But they are too far away for me to reach. Did I ever have somebody in my life who just liked to talk and not be silent apart from when there were orders to be issued? I don’t know.

 

And was there ever a life that did not entail more than blind obedience? I get my orders and I do what I’m told, no questions asked. There is no hesitancy, no consideration of whether it is something I should or should not be doing. I am here to follow orders; there is no other reason for my existence.

 

When I have been sent out into the wider world on a training mission, I have seen other people and they are so strange. They seem to have feelings, emotions, which they express without hesitancy. They laugh, they smile, they shout, they cry. And above all, they talk. It seems strange to me, kind of threatening. Surely it is better to be like me, feelingless, emotionless, empty. No one can hurt me for I am nothing more than a shell.

 

If they are not getting orders, how do these people know what to do? If I am not actively engaged in a task I am waiting, resting, preparing for my next task. The other Dekkas do the same so I cannot be wrong. We rarely talk as there is little to say. Sir would not approve of conversation.

 

There is no emotional involvement or connection between us. When we are placed in a team we work together but that is merely because that is the most efficient way to complete the task. When fellow Dekkas have fallen during training, when they have been injured, I have had to stop the foreign thoughts of pity and compassion from seeping in. There is no place for fellow-feeling in the life of a Dekka. No place for feeling at all.

 

There is one person that I do care for. Marcus can be kind. And when he is cruel it is only because he cares for me. His punishments are for my own good, to teach me, to help me become a better Dekka. My accomplishments are his, and my failings also fall onto him. I do my best for him as I want him to be pleased with me. His praise is the only thing that matters.

 

By the time I am up and out of my bunk all such thoughts are tucked safely away. I am cold, I am calm, I am efficient. I am Dekka 2 and I do not feel a thing!

 

 


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