Dwelling on the Past

Dwelling on the Past

Status: Finished

Genre: Romance

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Status: Finished

Genre: Romance

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Submitted: April 03, 2017

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Submitted: April 03, 2017

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I loved someone a lot. And the circumstances were horrid and the stars did not align, but it was a gentle and pure and innocuous love. One of the best memories I've ever had about this person is the time I first realized I was in love with them, the first time I was in love with anyone. I was driving to the airport, sitting in the backseat, and it was around 10 at night. My dress was a suede brown, I was wearing Chelsea boots, earphones in, and it was darkly lit as if someone had drawn charcoal over the entire sky. We were on the freeway, the car was fast, and as we were driving, we were passing all of these others cars that were going in the opposite direction. And their headlights were on and sprightly and bright and I watched them move past quickly every second. Swarming like fireflies. Fallen stars out from the sky. Yellow petals in the wind. Gentle. Pure. Innocuous. With knowing that you love someone truly and indefinitely, there comes a particular sense of certainty and joy that you can't obtain from anywhere else. You can try to, but it would never be the same. At that moment I realized that everything I've ever known--all the lessons learned in a classroom, all the knowledge stored from a flash card--all those things were subjective, questionable by science or mathematics. And this--this was the only thing I was certain about: I had loved someone deeply and truly and I had fallen in love with them, and it was the happiest I'd ever been. There was no reluctance, no hesitance, no question. You don't get joy like that from money, clothes, or anything else. Happiness and joy are two different things, and this was absolute and utter joy. To have something that was both beautiful and entirely unquestionable--that's real. That's real, and that's rare. When it ended, it hurt. And for weeks, it was horrible because no one wants to lose a love like that. Nobody wants to watch a pure love expire like spoiled milk. But with that, I learned something you can't learn in a classroom or receive from a flash card. You don't love someone, because it's going to hurt; you love, because you know it's still worth it when it does.

*Written when I was 17


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