Writings of a twisted mind

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Song Lyrics  |  House: Booksie Classic
My writings lately

Submitted: April 06, 2017

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Submitted: April 06, 2017

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Im to blame, For the rain clouds oer my head, For all the times that i didnt quit, For all the emotions and times i couldn't handle this, For never being missed, And im ashamed, For the times i hear my name, For finding out i cant live like this For the pieces never quite fit, For my heart falling to shit, For my soul that's been gone quite a bit, But in the end i still feel the same about it, Im to blame Ive heard millions of words, and most of it is shit, no paradigm over negative, i never wanted to be a part of it, but i dont blame the ones who brought me into it, i guess my pieces just dont fit, its my fault, yes im to blame for emotions that just wont quit, heartaches of torment, this pain is infinite, this hurt feels so permanent, theres no pointing fingers through my darkness, im to blame... I fight my demons, But lately thats all i see, Every memory inside, Is filled with addiction, No matter how hard i pray, I cant seem to be, Just another empty day, And tomorrow's horizon feels pointless, But i hold hope of a better time, And i dont want to be forgotten, But ive been out in the cold, Wandering for all to see, Way too long I lie awake, thoughts running through my head, is this all a mistake or is there something more instead, im tired of living in affliction, all memories of you are tangled in addiction, question myself more than ever, sometimes my own thoughts are on suspicion, i wish we were free from the failure we cast upon ourselves, wish i understood being someone else, but in this shell you can take my soul, i got a devil on my back, ive always been the burden, the fool, i just always want these chemicals to take ahold, i just for once want to fall, and never look back, have it all, im tired of watching everyone live whole, isn't life so fun, while all I know is to hide in my shell, try to run, i just want a start of something, so tired of being nothing... And God said unto me, you can continue this existence full of pain, or come live beside me free from torment and reality, i appealed, lord teach me who to be, i carry this burden with me, im welcome to your lost, kneel before the cross, just show me what free really means, ill carry this need to be... Persevere through those that are cold, weather the fight, i know it grows old, find strengthen that you might, persevere through the fold... So theres nothing i can do, nothing i can say to change your mind, carry on everyday, fake smile pretending im fine, sadistic left in blues in whites, its like i give in, is it so wrong i can no longer fight, i wish i scream, im going out of my head, out of my mind, so hatd to pretend, everything is so fine, i hate everyday without you, yet theres nothing i can do, im going crazy one day without you, how did we end up so blind, its like its all said and done and this existence is a gallery of things i cant overcome,life is strife its no longer fun, help me remember the feeling of one day without you... If we keep repetition we will never evolve, if we keep setting conditions nothing will be solved, if we don't change our position our existence will dissolve, if we can't come to a decision our lives will never rise above... In a land full of food how are those still hungry, and a land full of medicine how are those still sick, in a land full of technology how do those wander blind, we have the power and ability to solve all this world's problems, if capitalism continues we will never even start them, if we all tried true prosperity could begin, I'm sick of living on shaking ground, I know our true meaning on life is still to be found, if we were allowed to evolve, we would have purpose while we evolve... We could all have a chance, a better way to walk in this world if blacks whites gays churches extremists atheists republican democrats Muslims and Christians would give each other opportunity and just listen, we could change the disposition, we could have true heaven here instead of distant, if together we carried out the mission... Im so tired of being the mother fucker and every mother fuckerbe the fucker instead of the fuck you see, im so fucked, where fucking with me, id love to the last mother fucker wants to be ... Theres something so deep inside that keeps my faith alive... Yes i do believe in Jesus, Lord knows i need my share of mine, No i donnt believe in heaven, no, At least until the day i die, This heartbeat is the only thing i have to remind That im even alive Its all a final idea, My sins have become my fears, Down so far but i lift my head, I need to find redemption... As i fall on my knees, face to the sun, God have Mercy on me, Here I am, Can you mend this broken man, Here I am, Can you make me whole again, My heart betrays my mind, My flesh betrays my soul, Yet here i am, Please make me whole again... The life in my veins is pouring, The fires inside smoldering, The world and all its worth, Still means nothing to me, Id welcome a change, A return to apathy, i guess i should bite my tongue, Return to a distant one, Life is a crashing road, Life is ticking waiting to explode, Life is an unblown load, Just a moment to lose control... Your god will be waiting, but i know i wont be seeing him... Dont want to live in your memories, Locked up in the transparency, So i look out but could you help me see, No matter how far i get into apathy, You still haunt me in my dreams, Things these days seem so hard to conceive, I dont even know what I believe, But ew could you save me, Oh could you save me, Your all i see... Now it weighs down your mind and once again left you deaf, dumb, and blind, but I have faith that one day we’ll have the strength to rip our every single page. I have faith. You’ll find no peace from this. You’ll still be empty. It will never end. This tradition is downfall. It’s hard to let go when you’re still holding on. You’ll find no peace from this. You’ll still be empty. You better believe we’re breaking boundaries. A routine for the uninspired, for the hearts that lack any fire. You put your thoughts in dying hands while you wade through the quicksand... I know i can be cold, and indifferent, but were all masterpieces in progress, and suffer through the variables, sometimes you have to erase, and unbreak to see horizons, id like to say life takes a toll but its not true, its the inescapable, the people you meet, the hurt you feel, and the knives you undo from your back, but what are your options, run from things, stay isolated, uninvolved, and stagnant, or try to change the fragility of humanity, most days it seems impossible but united friend and foe i know life is attainable, we no longer have to carry the shackles of our heartaches, we can carry the sorrow of our mistakes, make life right and persevere and prosper, if we help our fellow man and make light for the dead in the lands of darkness, we all feel helpless and out of control, we appointed humans with faulty judgement, but if we unite we can turn the government back to settlement... The tides have risen, we wont feel forgiven, punishment for still living, amongst the worlds sin, God after you're done with me, will you save my soul, everyone dies and were dead, but at least theres hope in the end, the saints and sinners had somewhere to begin, but our downfall starts from within, so I ask you Deity can i be whole, will you save my soul?.. Can i trust or define you. When i need to remind you, the past is behind you, it hurts, your words, and i just wonder do i have the strength to continue, i know whats within you... I hear you mother fucker, im a psychopath, not who i used to be, demons and villians painted me in darkness, if you want me to be your monster i will play the part, but know its what's been created, not where i had a start.. You left me here to die, your soul is a paper thin disguise, you say im suicidal maybe your right... I swear ive never been here before, nothing i can say to change your mind, seems everything is said and done, ive been behind since weve begun, im going out of my head, out of my mind, begging you to stay, let me find your heart again, but you checked out so long ago, and all i know, i want you to stay, ill get to you somehow, if i got to scream it out loud, how much i need you, can we turn this thing around, i just can't remember how to live one day without you.. There's somebody else inside my head And he's telling me to give up, he's telling me to get fucked, I'm being taken down from the inside out I think I'm gonna die here I need you now when nothing's making sense I know it about perspective There's something wrong with me, I can't seem to agree I've faced the facts you laid, My life, my life will never be the same There's no time to make a change I'm hopeless, I'm broken, I'm painted bruised and bleeding Oh God, where are you now... On these stilts and scaffolds, to an end we march, in the collapse we will see darkness, and the universes infinite power, we will stand in awe, while the void devours, we sit here in parallel judgement, undermining one man to the next, but we're all just vessels awaiting trial, from the mother earth, while we sit in our kingdoms of denial, hoping for rebirth, but our thrones become wilted, and our desires just imagination, one day the crust will be melted, and we will become just a dream... I understand, build the walls of your dam, but your only a man, cracks in the surface, someone always manages to get through, so hard to take a stand, but i know you can, repair the damage youve had to withstand, i get youve seen enough fucked up shit, living in a world made of snake pits, 4 walls of safety, but can you blame me, nothing out there can save me... No dope can cure the pain, fill it up, ill still feel the same, just dead inside, yet still alive, a property of shame, i have come full circle, and its nothing but pain, fill it up, ill still feel the same, living with no pride, yet still survive, ive got no one to blame, i guess i should just feel shame, we both know i shouldn't be, but i guess it was worth a try.. I still feelllll, everything crashing around me, staring up at the clear sky, into the stars at night but yet i feel a storm, i still thinnnnk, your so perfect inside, who the fuck was i, i found myself weak, into the storm i divulge, into its destruction i comprise, but yet my heart stillll beatssss, vision of your arms around me all i could keep, my soullll still bleedssss, in this form im empty, you were my vessel to eternity, but now im a self sacrifice and i pray that you forget me, maybe ive come at it from the wrong angle this worlds so fucked i find myself praying for angelssss... Ive been thinking about taking the easy way out, i know its weak but im not sure about tomorrow, im filled with doubt, i dont know what life is about, im torn from the surface and i cant cope with sorrow, but i know what i felt, if i cant find a happy center, and an equal medium, all these critics i feed them, but only i can change the world by tomorrow, only i can vanquish the sorrow, i roll the window down, feel the air swirl around, and i hate the feeling of gping back,if i could hold the moment, this moment, forever, then tomorrow this world i wont have to sever, you say i dont have a heart, ill prove it, ill do it, ill justify my start, cause no matter how crushed you make me i have a heart, what you see is real & true, i owe the devil his dues, but its time to shine, as if i wont be here tomorrow, vanquish the sorrow... My heart still beats, watching the world collapse around me, my mind still feels, watching everything go so fast, i jist want you to be still, my soul still shines, no matter how cold and the lies ive been told, my body still wanders, though weve been feeling waves going under, freeze everything, calm the storm, i want to remember what its like to feel warm, my eyes still search, but theyre always fooled leaving me undone and cold... If i could cut this mess out of my chest, i literally would in a heartbeat, all this shit i digest, and its tears as it comes out of me, this torment needs to come out to be, but i know itll end in the death of me, you dont know what you do, i dont know if your just amused, is it all a game, but is it ever so real angel, this life ends in shame... Lifes so weird,to me, I hate that i still think about you everyday, Weve been apart so long, But no part of me lost feeling, your still so amazing, Ive never thought thats the one, till you were in my heart and i thought life has just begun, but since without you ive become meaningless and i wish i had the power to overcome separation, i know now that you were never the storm, always loved each other above the norm, im sorry i failed you and always couldnt find the thing that made you fall at the beginning, im sorry i still love you, and want the best, no giving up nor forgiving, i guess i should give up, i was nothing from the serving, i wish you luck but i feel and want you to conquer the world but I know ulin this life theres no forgiven, im sorry beautiful im so lost and unforgiven... Whiskey carrying over from the night before, open up my eyes my heads so sore, fire up a cigarette, put my feet on the cold floor, stumble across the threshold to find a note at my door, and she said"im sorry, im done, last night was worse than its ever been before, im certain, im sure, i cannot endure, i love you, adore, but i just cant do this anymore, youll always have my heart, we wont settle the score, but baby lifes supposed to be so much more, sincerely, the love you dont have anymore"... Shattered broken pieces, lying on the floor, no apologies, ive put them together before, its quite okay with me, tears and sacrifices, i know its best to crawl in this hole, knowing ill never be whole, i cry over everything, knowing that what i deserve is nothing, and yet i feel owed something, these angels are full of misconcept, i want to give my heart a home, my family one to call there own, and my nephew someone he'll keep, but its just fantasies i keep, like the dreams i had, when i was 25 wanting to be a dad, yet my karma is paying for abortions while hangimg my head, and now at 33 im so fucked and tired, i wander if life would have been been different encouraged and admired, but i shrug my shoulders, this sensation of determination, has came and left, please give me salvation, the worlds quit on me, you may be all i have left... Hello father, how do you do? I hope your well in everthing that becomes you, i know the things you despise, my mind is my mothers, my heart comes from you, and theres a mixture in my eyes, you don't know how to handle me, im half you half everything you love, but there's nothing i can do but wish me away, wish the thing you created away... My emotions full of cancer, my hear spilt in two, one wanting whats in you, one wanting to start again, i care not, i fret not, i cant have the world you inhabit, i care not, i fret not, i cant have the things your so proud of, this world is not mine, im finding an ending, so frey not and ill carry your weight upon my shoulders, i guess i never had an answer... It takes 2 halves to make a whole, how can i be complete alone? I must retract this life, to this i give sacrifice, A complacent soul becomes solidified, emotions turned to high, i cannot be if i cant find an inner fabric, and this future doesn't unfold, tear me a away, from reason, take me away, its red season, live by the sword, die by your words...Behind our backs,against the wall... I feel you there but your not here, and im falling so far now, yet everything is in a stand still, i dont know how to deal, if looks could kill... Its like there's nothing, i can say or do, is it a waste of time? Its like no matter what, ill never get through, be good enough for you, why do we waste our time??... Come at it from the wrong angle, but you its fucked up when you gotta pray for angels... Had a dream and a hustle at 13, while kids played games, i was out gettin cream, you weren't hitting it, getting it, boy you didn't even have a split, while im out here hooking honkeys up with spliffs, got that deal and became a hit, i aint talking about my spit, talking bout my shit, get it bag it, make the neighborhood wet, dreaming about fast women, fast cars, and becoming a home town star... My heart bears a white flag...11317...If i could cut this mess out of my chest, i literally would in a heartbeat, all this shit i digest, and its tears as it comes out of me, this torment needs to come out to be, but i know itll end in the death of me, you dont know what you do, i dont know if your just amused, is it all a game, but is it ever so real angel, this life ends in shame... Under the stars 1/11 meeee.... I sit on a tree, leaves are so green, i see every branch and i love everyone, i know winters coming, stifled the days, shortness the sun, i see the stars on this clear cold calm night, my breath goes in the air, this tree may be dying but darling i dont care, if you could see your branch, i know youd feel the same, when i look at you it comes over me, cant remember my name, and tonight when the sun goes down, and the night frost covers the ground, ill sit upon your tree, not making a sound, knowing in you i want to be, and im waiting for you, oh how i want to be found, were all flowers in the blossom, and we all fight the wilt, but when it comes to you no tears wanted spilt, i hate losing control, and having no fuel, please reenergize me, under the star this tree wants to be whole, i know life is cruel, but to you i know i can make life so beautiful oh whoa!... Sightless...1/13/17 It was my insecurities and your dark secrets, though we both tried to hold on we just couldn't keep it, going forward things just arent the same, i wasa mess what was a supposed to do, in distress, all i ever wanted was something just like you, look at me now, i cant figure it out,they say one step infront if the other but i cant even find my shoes, and i just want to make it through, oh how I miss you... Schizophrenia..1/13/17 Theres a voice in my head, telling me to give up, telling me to get fucked, im taken down from the inside out, this slow decay of dying, my life will never be the same, no time to make a change, im beaten, im broken, things happened i leave unspoken, oh god where are you now, i need you now, nothings making sense, everyday i wonder what's wrong with me, inside i can never agree, i guess ill never see, what are you thinking? That theres something wrong with me, i just cant be... We ignore gaia and her screams, just to dive into our digital fucking shrine, claiming to be happy but nothing's ever what it seems, our shells, our vessels, its all a broken fucking dream, i swear i wont let this fading become my reckoning, i refuse to conform, be a wasteful mind, itll all come together, looking forward, knowing i can't turn back time, knowing sometimes we have to cross a line, ive felt desolate thresholds, ive felt the dangers of my fellow man, felt the woes and i just dont understand, we don't belong here, that much is clear, were our own self destructive forms, and i wont be apart of the things we consider the norm, im not going to sleep like a dog on the floor, i know theres something more, ive been here before, my apathy will give way to my atrophy, i wont be an atrocity... Issues here are so terrestrial, i dont know what im doing wrong but can i become celestial, im in fear of my own reality, im afraid to rise and be anything, life has taught me that when you have everything you need, all your desires, feel in sanctity, it will strip you of your haven and leave you feeling spilled, lifes so unfulfilled, but my spirit seems to carry on, believing ill figure it out, rebuild, i need no one or anything, its all become so simple, we need to find love, inside of ourselves and others, were all in the same fight, its a great thing to unite, since no matter, gender, status or your ideals, we're all brothers, we have a beautiful world full of dreamers and lovers, we need to take care of each other, i know i want no enemies upon the grace of our utopia... Its 3 o'clock, and im not sleeping, my minds coming to a full sprint, i cant stop thinking, so i take some pills, to help my being, but im just feeling worse, i wish i had the words but im fading, and this shit is devastating, i remember times i felt amazing, safe in your arms, ive gone so far down since then, but i still always wonder how youve been, and if you are happy again, i remember that smile, glow you had, till i ruined it in my normal fashion, its always my bad, but i cant help but keep thinking, im not afraid to change, to watch you change me, what do i got to lose, the earths chewed me up, spit me out, and left me used, im tired of being abused, i dont know what to do, but let you save me, please change me... IBelieve 3/22/17 Im here to tell you not all is the same, when it comes to angels you put all the others to shame, striking eyes, leaves me paralyzed, heroine lips, and memorizing hips, i always told myself id never believe in this, if youve never had it then youll never miss, your such my favorite habit, when it comes to you i love being an addict... God knows i need Jesus, but its not my worry, at this point i dont think he needs me, lost me empty, nowhere to be, but oh lord i see, its over, clarity comes when im sober, but its over, no luck, no 4 leaf clover, just an old school hoper, ohh i just want to be sober... Head held high to an eclipsed sun... I guess you know im a little fucked up, things have been so fucked up, you know I'd give anything for you to stay, please don't walk away, oh i cant believe youll walk away, i havent figured out life quite yet, but i can place my bet, please dont walk away...


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