My Social Disease...You Probably Have It Too

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
A blog about my view on singlness and society's deplorable attitude towards it.

Submitted: April 07, 2017

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Submitted: April 07, 2017

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I was feeling good. Kids were running around shrieking with delight as they chased each other around our picnic tables and the balloons tied around their wrists followed in suit. The waterfront was perfect today. Calm with a light breeze and a jovial sun smiled down on us all. I was at the family prepared buffet table piling my plate high with mac & cheese, scanning for the next item I was going to eagerly devour. A cute family friend caught my eye and I smiled back at him coyly making a mental note to strike up a conversation with this stranger so he was no longer a stranger. Only after my feast of course. Then, I saw her. My best friends mother teetered towards me in her high heels (heels at a picnic…tsk) The soft grassy earth comically continued to swallow up the points of her heels making her journey slow but even more determined. She yanked her heel out of the last dirt clod and threw her arms around me.

“Oh, darling how long it’s been! How are you? Are you still in school? How’s that boyfriend of yours? My you guys have been together quite awhile. You two are just the cutest couple! Where is he?” Her borage of questions left me little room to answer. I took advantage of her searching for my non existent boyfriend to answer.

 

“Yes, I am still in school. It’s fun but I’m taking the summer off-”

 

“Yes, yes dear but where is Mike*?”

 

Isn’t it amazing (say this part in your mind as sarcastically as humanly possible) how your relationship and your extremely personal life is always the focal point of extended and vapid relationships?

 

I took in a deep breath and smiled, “we’re actually not together anymore, but it’s alright, he wasn’t the one for me. But, I just got back from my vacation to…”

 

I trailed off because she wasn’t paying attention to any part of what I had said besides “we’re not together anymore”. You can see it. You know the look. The body language.

 

1. The eyes widen then soften in a faux “I’m so devastated for you” look.

2. The head tilts slightly to the right. And increases to inch to the right the sadder you appear to look post breaking the news.

3. Their voice lowers to a suspicious volume as if you’re some kind of timid deer that might spook and run for the hills if your news gets out.

 

She takes my hand gently like I’m suddenly a frail paper doll that could easily just crumple into an emotion pile of pieces at any second. “I’m so sorry,” she shakes her head, “I’m so sorry, I’m sure you’ll find someone someday.”

 

And just like that I had been diagnosed and branded in-front of the whole picnic. I was suddenly knowledgeably afflicted with the worst modern day disease known to America. The disease of singleness.

 

* * *

 

Don’t worry though, murderous thoughts only ran through my head for a few rage filled seconds, but I acted on none of them. Lucky for her. Instead I took my hand away from her, gave her a hug, a quick peck on the cheek, and a parting smile before finding my friend and resuming my picnic activities. Playing with the children, shoving my face full of food, chatting casually with the handsome stranger from before who had caught my eye ( I’m wriggling my eyebrows as I type this. If you stick with me you’ll realize I’m a huge dork), and laughing till my eyes welled up with happy tears. But trust me it took slow, small, and labored steps over a long period of time after my break up to become content being labeled as “the single one”.

 

Because for months, 5 long months, I was that fragile paper doll. The mere mention of my exs name, driving the streets we used to travel, eating at the restaurants we used to frequent, or the most miniscule random things could send me anywhere on the emotional scale. Sometimes I would turn into a puddle of eyeliner, mascara, snot, and tears. Or, even worse, I could snap into being an angry hateful and just plain hard to be around person. Through these long months I’ve realized the strongest thing I ever did was to refrain from my cyclic habit of the rebound guy. Even now, months later, I feel if I entered a relationship it would be a rebound because I’m not fully ready to be in a relationship and I’m here to tell you…THAT’S OKAY! MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE! I am here to tell you singleness is not a disease!! It is simply a state of being. A state of zen, for lack of a better word.

 

Being single is something that in our society is simply unacceptable. If you are single you are a victim or you are incapable of being loved. This mindset is so absolutely backwards! The world pushes you into the arms of Mr. One Night encouraging you that a pleasurable romp is what you need to set you straight. Get under one to get over another, right? Painfully wrong. Where is the world that cheered you on to lay down with some frat boy when you’re awkwardly getting dressed the next morning as he avoids eye contact with you by playing on his smart phone? I can guarantee you that the same crowd that advised you into the situation has nothing to offer you but the sound of crickets.

 

Or maybe you’re not the type to just jump into bed to heal your heart maybe you genuinely jump into a new relationship a month or two later. You do everything to please your current boyfriend. You cook, clean, pay for him, have sex with him, carefully avoid arguments and turn into a 1940’s esque ‘yes woman’. It may last for a while but eventually your façade will fade and a man will leave for something genuine. And I’m not saying you’re not attempting to be genuine. You simply don’t know how! It isn’t your fault. When you are constantly trying to please your significant other you lose the little pieces that make you who you are. Because at the end of the day all a person really wants is someone who accepts them on every single level. But before someone can love every single level you have to have those levels and layers as concrete pieces of who you are. Our society is destroying our ability to form our own personalities by pushing the agenda of casual sex and casual relationships that turn into quite personal and solitary heartbreak.

 

Relationships done the right way can be absolutely beautiful. Being single done the right way can be absolutely beautiful. Don’t let Instagram, Facebook, meme’s, or the opinions of others push you into being in a relationship just for the simple fact of fitting in or not looking like the odd one out. I’m not saying it will be easy but if you give yourself a year of deciding that you will be single you will see a huge turn around in your opinion of yourself and your opinion on relationships. And ironically enough, the second you consciously choose to remain single men will come knocking and trying to tear that door down. Don’t fall for it! A man who truly wants you will want you now, a year from now, and forever more. If a man can’t wait for a relationship or sex while you are trying to become a healthier person doesn’t that speak volumes of his true character?

 

Take time to learn who you are. Invest in your hobbies or try the hobbies you never had time to explore. Dive deeply into school. Read those dorky books you were embarrassed about. Create art! Discover what makes you the person you are and once you know who that is you’ll never want to water yourself down for a man who doesn’t deserve you in the first place. The more you love yourself the less you will tolerate a man who doesn’t meet you halfway.

 

This decision to stay single was by far the hardest, most emotional, but rewarding decision I could have ever made.

 

Writers Note: In this blog from here on out I am going to tell you about my little life journeys because I am in no way close to done. This is NOT a relationship advice blog. Although I will be continuing to write how I, personally, was broken and became whole and better from this breakup. I will post my experiences and how I am handling the curve balls life throws at me and hopefully you can relate and if not just laugh at my plight (it’s okay, cause I laugh at my mess of a life sometimes too). I’ll have some creative writing and opinions of mine in here as well. I hope you enjoy and that I can encourage somebody out there.

 

It’s only advice if you can relate.

 

Till then it’s just my musings.

 


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