Self Destructing

Self Destructing

Status: In Progress

Genre: Young Adult



Status: In Progress

Genre: Young Adult




letters from one broken soul to another.

he thought that now she was gone,

there was nothing left of her.

she couldn't haunt him.

he was finally free.

but she finds a way.

she'll always find a way.

through scattered scraps of paper,

forcing him to remember her.

the life he's tried to bury.

the life he can't have anymore.

and so their story of broken promises unfolds,

through the dark stains of ink,

carved into the whiteness of the paper,

that all show one thing.

self destruction.
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letters from one broken soul to another.

he thought that now she was gone,

there was nothing left of her.

she couldn't haunt him.

he was finally free.

but she finds a way.

she'll always find a way.

through scattered scraps of paper,

forcing him to remember her.

the life he's tried to bury.

the life he can't have anymore.

and so their story of broken promises unfolds,

through the dark stains of ink,

carved into the whiteness of the paper,

that all show one thing.

self destruction.

Chapter1 (v.1) - Of Blue Eyes and Revenge

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: April 08, 2017

Reads: 56

Comments: 1

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: April 08, 2017



You will never realise what that day did to him.

I don't blame you.

No one really knew what that day did to him.

But the sad thing is

you won't be able to try,

because you won't see this.

You're not even here.

You've been forgotten by most,

and I don't even know you.

I've never even met you,

but you mean so much to him

so much that I feel I should know you.

So much that I feel I was there that day.

You're probably wondering why.

I don't expect you to understand.

I'd be surprised if you did.

But this will give me a piece of mind.

I hope.

It's more of being forced really.

Because it's swirling round on my head

Making me picture everything

To the last bit of detail.

Every time I look at him, all I can think of is this.

And it's got me scribbling


in a feverish state

and I can't stop.

You're not going to read this.


But I'll pretend you will.


Because I like to pretend everything goes my fucking way when in reality,

few things do.

Call me crazy - I am.

One hundredth percent batshit crazy.

And as I continue to write

I hope these words don't appear jumbled to you

because I'm putting pen to paper

as fast as the thoughts whirling up here.

Shit. I don't think I can do this.

Writing something makes it more real, you know?

Oh fuck. I'm talking to a dead guy.


And that's not even the craziest thing.



But I need someone to know.

And we all know you that someone is.

I want you to see how my dramatic mind sees this. 

But I think,

I captured this perfectly.

Anyway, back to whoever the fuck I've ended up talking to.

Shit - this is already going wrong.

Oh for the love of - get your shit together.


Right. Aaand...scene:

Ty. Standing frozen,

as if trapped by an invisible force field that prevents him from even taking one step

to you

in front of you

behind you

anywhere near you.

He's questioning himself.

That how could he know that in a few seconds,

his whole life was to turn sideways,

upside down,

all because of his stupid mouth?

Camera pans to Jones. He's pointing his gun at you. I'm guessing you already know that.

There are shots.


No two.

It was three, right?

All fired without warning.

They each hit you at full force.

You stagger,

then fall to your knees.

The sound of skin against pavement echos in Ty's ears.

Do you realise that though? Let's say no. 

You're too busy trying to stay alive.

No sound comes out of Tyler's mouth,

It's wide open and moving.

Lips tremble involuntarily - Fuck. I hate picturing him like this.

A split second later.

 He's in your outstretched arms.

He chants under his breath.





So he tries to hold you up,

tries to find the wounds.

Ty's hands shake as he tries to forcefully press down.

He lets his hand slowly submerge in his father's blood.

Blood that is half his.

Blood that is all yours.

A second later.

He collapses on top of you.

Because his father is bleeding rivers.

And he was supposed to save you,

to look out for you.

But there is too much blood.

There is blood everywhere.

All over Ty and pooling under you.

You whisper

As your eyelids start to droop.

"Everything is going to be okay."

You want to make it better.

I'm sure you do.

You don't want it to be this way.

Why would you?

But how can he believe your whispered promises if you don't either?

You made him only sob harder,

You let that empty lie linger in the air.

Because you know,

and he knows...

That nothing iss okay.

That everything is upside down.

Inside out.

Everything hurts.

For you, and for Tyler.

Your pain echoes his.

His eyes, chest, everything

throbs with this new born pain he has never felt before in his life.

And I'm sure Ty







Spoiler. He does. And it's all my fucking fault.

Remember the agony you put him through.

He begs for you to hold on,

for someone to get rid of it.

His broken conscience 

tells him the truth he's trying to avoid.

That this is all his fault.

And so it comes true.

You hear it faintly,

not even sure if it was real

"This is all my fault,"

But the next few words take away your doubt.

"I should never have told you."

You're breathing is getting shallower,

your chest  is heaving up and down


before everything stops all at once.

But Ty can't take that.

He needs reassurance that he isn't all to blame.

But there is none.

You are gone.

No one will remember you.

So you will remember him.

Haunt him for the rest of his life.

Make him question himself

that why was it he found he couldn't breathe,

when he wasn't the one bleeding out?

Why was his heart thrashing against his ribs,


when you had the the real holes?

He leans back,

off of you.

The familiar action of his heels rocking back and forth.

Why the fuck am I so specific?

You don't even notice the small details.

You are too busy catching your last breath.

Bracing yourself for the big fall.

But Ty des.

How his white shirt that had once been creaseless is now stained dark red,

your blood drips from his clenched hands onto the ground.

The tears are all coming down,


stinging his face.

His chest closing up,

his lungs failing to cooperate.

The universe in one single second has turned against him,

but he is only finding himself to blame.

He slowly brings himself up,

unsteadily standing,

before noticing Jones is still there.

Anger consumes him,

and before he knows what he is doing,

his fists are raised aggressively,

going for the kill,

fury blazing in his eyes.

Remember his eyes.

Those eyes.

Remember them blue.

Remember them haunted.

The blueness mirroring the pain you felt a few moments before.

Remember those eyes.

Because they are all I see when mine are closed.

And they haunt me like you haunt his.


they show everything.

Vowing to never look at anything with love again,

believing they deserve no happiness.

Those eyes that promise to forget the boy he was,

the coward he would always be.

Those eyes wanted to forget everything.

But the blood that has him soaked

that has him drenched

forces him to remember.

To remember his selfishness.

To remember his recklessness.

To remember his name.

A name he would grow to hate.

And no matter how hard he tries to forget

squeezing his eyes shut in vain

it only brings the picture of you

on the ground

And it is all his fault.

Camera back to Jones - who pulls Ty by the cuff of his shirt.

Forces his mouth shut.

But Ty is a stubborn one.

His shoulders hang limply, as he refuses to answer, his lips pressed in a thin line.

His bright blue eyes glistening with new tears

burning rage.

You brought that out of him.

Pure and hot anger masking the gut wrenching pain he is going through.

He's dragged towards the abandoned car

away from you

as you lay lifeless

in a pool of your blood that has soaked through your clothes and is slowly spreading outwards

almost following Tyler as he's hauled away

There's this beautiful and heartbreaking second

where he finds his voice.

And screams

your name.

So loud it hurts.

His voice is  broken.

But no one is listening.

No one is there to wipe the endless tears your boy never knew he was crying.

No one is even there to lie him.

To tell him it is going to be okay.

To tell him none of it is his fault.

That he is just a pure, innocent boy.

But this night

this horrible night

your boy has ruined everything.

He has ruined you.

And he has ruined himself.

Everything is

upside down.

Mirroring the mess Ty bought upon everyone.

Bodies that are broken.

Blood that is spilt.

A lifeless body.



Unable to hear the screams that leave your boy's mouth

sounding endless and hoarse.

You will never hear the pain the sounds echo.

You will never hear the boy's cries for help.

But I do.

They haunt me.

Along with his promise, that tonight


the night where everything has turned upside down

this night is the night the vow is written

in these haunted blue eyes

Scraped deeply in.

Engraved permanently.



Shit. That was good. Emotional and heartbreaking right?


We all know the truth though.


And that is Tyler never gave a fuck.

He never tried to save you.

Or confront Jones.

He walked away.

And didn't look back.

To cry.

Or even say a goodbye.



So now ladies and gentlemen, 

that leaves us exactly where we started.

You six feet under,

and Tyler a fucking lunatic.

But I just came up with all this crap. I guess that makes me a lunatic too. Well shit.

I'm talking to a dead person who I know isn't going to see any of this - why am I so surprised?

I guess I won't see the reaction to the person who DOES read this, because I'm pretty sure,

certain actually, 

that I'll be dead too.

But I'm a pretty good guesser.

© Copyright 2017 Hanah C. All rights reserved.


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