Why do you have to pack up and leave me,
What’s so good about California anyway?
I try my best to talk you out of it,
But you don’t listen to a word I say.
You say it’s got nothing to do with me,
Cause you gotta go there to follow your dreams.
It’s twenty-six hundred miles away from me,
And as you leave my heart tears at the seams.
I could barely handle living across town from you,
Being cross country just amplifies that feeling.
I tried to make you stay just a little bit longer,
By stealing your car keys and taping them to the ceiling.
Tell me what I’m supposed to do, without you here,
Without your warmth our bed is freezing cold.
You took my happiness with you in your suitcase,
And now every negative feeling rages uncontrolled.
The nightmares came roaring back the first night,
They felt even more lucid this time around.
I’m scared to go to sleep at night,
Stayed up til sunrise walking the streets downtown.
Actually I haven’t slept much since you left,
And that was about six months ago.
Pill bottles and spilt liquor stain the carpet,
I keep taking them until I feel vertigo.
I hit up your phone, to try and catch up,
But you never seem to answer me back.
Yet before you said you wanted to stay in touch,
But when my number pops up, you become an amnesiac.
I still tried to make the journey out there, like I promised,
Didn’t get too far cause I caught white line fever on the highway.
I made out but my car got totaled, and that’s how I knew it was over,
The dream died on that highway, at the end of October.
© Copyright 2018 Melancholic Wisdom. All rights reserved.
Comments
Oh, boy, this is such a sad poem, MW. In many ways I can relate to what you are saying -- I think the worst part for me was not being able to get any kind of response from messages, calls. Makes you feel so completely helpless.
An excellent write!
Author
Reply
Oh yeah, that's where I drew the inspiration from, a feeling of helplessness and disconnection. It may just be a me thing, but when I'm not really able to like text or call one of my friends I get a feeling of disconnection and isolation. It's like at times I don't even need to physically see someone, just to be able to talk to them would fix that feeling.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
You know, I've only been around for sixteen years, but I've unwillingly said goodbye to many people. People that I loved as friends and family. Some of them came back, but the big majority I rarely or never see anymore. It hurts to remember our memories together, how much they made me smile and laugh and feel good, how they gave me a shoulder to cry on, and how I tried my very best to always do the same for them. Picking up the phone is scary because I would feel like an echo from the past, trying to be audible in their present. What if they moved on and it's just me who thinks of them almost every day?
Your poem really hits deep, it's something we all go through and you described the feeling so well. You handle difficult situations in your poetry like no other writer else I know, it's so remarkable.
Great job as always, Nik! :)
Author
Reply
I agree with that, yeah. Forming a bond with someone takes time, even if you become fast friends with someone. I think the two things that everyone dreads is starting and ending a relationship, because once people get comfortable it becomes increasingly harder to make a difficult choice like that. Over time, my memories of people who aren't a part of my life anymore have faded, all but the strongest ones. And while it definitely hurts to see these people who you saw as family just act like they don't know you, once the memories fade the emotions fade away as well, in my experience.
I think being able to relate to an experience that someone is writing about enhances the quality of the work, because now you and the writer are both tied together caught up in the same feelings. But these difficult situations that I chose the write about, I chose those because I feel as though I have a good ability to articulate them in a way that makes sense and maybe makes it easier for other people to understand it.
Thank you for the support!
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