Dont Call me Ugly

Reads: 1531  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: African Romance Stories

I can’t express how happy I am. It is with joy that I toss into the bed. I’ve certainly come a long way since those days when I’ll be begging ladies to date me. Now, I’m shutting them up on the phone. And this is not just one kitchen cook or an obscure African lady. This is an animal curator who works in an office. Andrew, you are a gee!

Chapter 14 (v.1) - Chapter 14

Submitted: May 19, 2017

Reads: 106

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 19, 2017




With the hope that something positive will come out of my meeting with Jaffar, I continue to stay calm in my room with each passing hour. My heart jumps anytime I see a young female walking around on the balcony. I also like to look at them whenever I go to the bathroom area.

Being a citizen of South Africa, I think these girls should find me attractive. I can make things happen for them in the country. If any of them agrees to date me, and I marry her, she automatically becomes a citizen. That should motivate them to want to come close. I should be a catch.

I, however, have to wait for two days before getting a reply from Jaffar. Knowing him to be someone who takes things seriously, he must be working hard on my ‘case.’

This evening, after returning from the zoo, there is a knock on my door. I suddenly become anxious thinking that Jaffar has found a suitable lady and has sent her to visit me. I quickly arrange my bed sheet, dust-off the TV, and then unhinge the door to open up.

There is Jaffar, blinking and calling me to come out of the room.

“Come, please,” he says.

 I mask my initial disappointment and ask him to come in. He does. That he’s not smiling gives me an idea that his search is not successful. He says as much.

“Andrew, I’ve carried out a careful search around the building for a suitable lady for you. I must tell you that all of them are not available for dating. They are either married or attached with someone. If the situation changes or a new lady moves in, I’ll let you know.”

Even if I’d thought that he doesn’t have good news for me, it feels sad to be told so. This is a blow. My disappointment doubles up. I’ve seen more than fifteen ladies in the building, and not a single one of them is available to be dated.

It appears the lad is hiding something from me. I should be a ‘hotcake’ here in the midst of other African ladies. I’m South African, employed, living alone, not a player and ready to mingle.

Even if they are attached, they should be able to jump ship to my side. I have a lot to offer them. I’m sure he will continue to work on it. At least, he has taken it upon himself to get back to me, and he does so in a respectable manner. I thank him for the pains and bid him good night.

As he steps out of the room, I got thinking. What if he’s saying the fact— that the ladies are not available? It means I won’t be lucky in this building regarding women. I must focus my search elsewhere.

But then I don’t have much time moving about town to look for a suitable companion. My mind goes to John to fix the issue for me. Then I recall that he had done so before. The lady came to see me once and gave an excuse that she would be travelling out of South Africa. That was the last I saw of her. If John could, I know he would have gone ahead.

From all indications, I’ll have to take it upon myself to get the lady I want. Since I don’t have much time apart from Wednesdays, I’ll have to register on a dating website. At least that will give me the opportunity of seeing many faces from which I can then choose one. I’ll have the option of viewing their details and select the ones that would be right for me.

On Wednesday, I stroll down to Bayo’s internet café on Esselen Street. The only thing on my mind is to find a suitable girl to date, and I don’t mind staying here for hours. I paid for two hours and settled for a computer at the far corner by the fridge.

I browse to, provide my details and got registered.


Name:Andrew Makana


Country: South Africa




Marital Status:Single

Job:Zoological Consultant

Likes:animals, children, outdoor activities, meeting people, music, etc


After registering, I take my time to view profiles of existing members. It’s amazing to see those faces of beautiful South African girls looking for partners; and it’s saddening to note that I’m yet to lay hands on any of them. After browsing my fill, I leave the internet café feeling hopeful.

After two days, I return there to see if I’m lucky to have been sent any profile. I’m shocked to see 43 profiles of suitable ladies in my inbox. I can’t believe my eyes! Whoever started online dating has done something great. Here are the single South African ladies that have been difficult to come by. Unbelievable.

I was going to stay at the café for one hour. I pay the operator for four more hours. With this number of profiles, I’m not going to do a run through; I’ll give each of them a careful assessment. I just might find the right lady from the list.

As I sit there poring over the profiles, more are pouring into my inbox. I feel blessed. If these people are all eligible for dating, here I am available to be dated. There is no way I’ll not find one or two that’ll like me. If it is necessary to remain there till the café closes, I’m ready to stay.

For each profile that I find interesting, I’ll copy and paste the details to a Microsoft Word document. When the profile impresses me much, I take my pen and write down the details on the paper I have with me. I have an idea of the kind of ladies I want in my head. I’m not the out-going type that visits clubs every weekend. I’m also not into the mascara-wearing types. When I sense that a profile picture is too flashy, I’ll delete it. I don’t earn much. I don’t want any Miss liability that will demand my entire salary just to by lipstick.

After spending three hours, the profile of a calm-looking lady attracts me the most. I carefully write down her details:



Name:Bertha Mokoena


Country: South Africa




Marital Status:Single

Job:Animal Curator

Likes:Wildlife, big cats, poultry, and rodents.


When I set my eyes on Bertha’s picture, I feel a cold chill run down my spine. There is something about her profile that hooks me so bad. Immediately after writing down her details, I walk out of the café.

“Good night,” the operator waves at me.

I look back to see the person and discovers that I’m the last customer to leave the café.  

“Good night,” I replied, smiling.

As soon as I step into my room, I ring up Bertha’s number. It buzzes for a while, but no answer from the other end. I try five more times, but no luck. Well, I’ll wait for a call back. She might just be busy.

While waiting for her call, I juggle her name in my head:

“Bertha-Bartholomew; Bertata- Berrington; Berristic Bertherway”

The name Bertha sounds romantic. I’m sure the lady too will be pleasant. I have selected her profile out of many available. How I present myself is top on my mind. I don’t want to disappoint myself on the first chat with her. Frist impression goes a long way.

Ten minutes later, she calls.

“Hello. I’m sorry to have missed your calls. Who is on the line, please?”

I’ve been learning about sounding nice on the telephone. I’ve also upgraded my skills on how to twitch my voice to make the person on the other end of the line listen carefully. Bertha’s voice is so sultry that a suitable voice is what should keep her on the call. It is time for me to put my skills to use.

With a husky voice, the kind of which I’ve never heard myself use, I say to her.

“Hello, princess. I’m Andrew Mack. I came across your profile earlier today, and I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep without talking to you. Never mind that I’ve made several calls. It has to do with the urgency hearing from you. If I’m disturbing you in any manner, I can drop the call right away.”

“No, no, no, continue, please.”

Wow. I’ve stirred an interest in her so fast. I can’t stop now. Feeling like a lothario, I must ride on.

“I observe that you are into wildlife. I find that interesting. I also have special interests in animals. In fact, I work in a zoo, and I’m a Zookie. That is a code.”

Bertha laughs aloud and blurts, “What is a Zookie? It sounds nice.”

 The way she laughs tickles me deeply, even if it’s just a phone conversation. I can see that I’m mesmerising her. I must have said some things right. Let me keep holding her attention. But then, what does a Zookie mean?  It is just a local name we call ourselves at work. I obviously can’t tell her that because she imagines that it’s something more special. I don’t want to burst her bubble. I’ll rather keep her in suspense.



“You sound sweet on the phone. I’ve achieved my aim this night. I must say that talking to you is special. We can discuss some more tomorrow. Then, I’ll have time to explain to you all the questions you have asked. Have a good night rest, Lady B.”

In a kind of voice that suggests that she is a bit disappointed, she remarks,

“It’s okay. Have a nice night rest.”

“Thanks. You too.”

 I can’t express how happy I am. It is with the sweetness of the heart that I toss into the bed. I’ve certainly come a long way since those days when I’ll be begging ladies to date me. Now, I’m shutting them up on the phone. And this is not just one kitchen cook or an obscure African lady. This is an animal curator who works in an office. Andrew, you are a gee!


© Copyright 2018 lookman.laneon. All rights reserved.