Major changes

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
some bad events shape our life and change it positively. family matters and divorce might be the worst life events that control our lives, '' divorce is probably as painful as death''. in this story, the divorce came out with positive desirable results that were unexpected at some point.

Submitted: April 09, 2017

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Submitted: April 09, 2017










Some bad events in human life are just new beginnings to the most imaginary and beautiful things. For me, the worst event so far was the divorce of my parents 7 years ago and the marriage of my father to another woman. For me, and because I loved my dad more than anything else in the universe, the news were like a lightning that destroyed me for a moment, only for a moment it destroyed me but changed me and turned me into a different person from inside and outside. Yes, it changed me a lot, only for a moment was my thinking in revenge for those who caused my dad leaving us. The idea of revenge was stuck in my mind. To revenge I needed a plan and weapons to start this cold war. I was only twelve that time, I did not have anything to help me get revenge. Everyone was ignoring my presence. I do not even doubt that some of my family did not know about my existence back then. In that period I cried more than ever before. I was really amazed how my siblings did not care about the divorce. My mom was at better psychological situation than me, she believed that everything happens with wisdom and she believed that in every bad event there's something beautiful. This was the beginning of my story with the big change. I wanted to change to prove to my father that he had made a mistake when he left me, to prove to some of my family members that they had sinned when they thought of ruining my life, to prove to the others that they were wrong when they did not listen to me and ignored me and to prove to everyone that they made a mistake when they did not give my mother her deserved value. Here I had to work, to move and not stay inactive.



Chapter one

My father left us and married another woman, I did not see him for months. For the first time I missed him for such a long time. He did not even call us, the situation at home was very hard. No one felt it was difficult except me because perhaps I am the eldest sister, although my brother is two years older than me, but he did not pay attention to it. I've been crying a lot, every time, everywhere, involuntarily. Staying away from my dad was killing me because I was so attached to him that I loved him more than I did to my mom but I made a mistake when I loved him more. He left me and my mother was always there. Our situation was getting harder, because my father suddenly disappeared and did not ask about our needs. I remember the refrigerator was empty. There was nothing to eat. My mother was trying to make us feel that everything is fine but we could see how hard is our life. We were children, my youngest sister was then eight years old and my brother was fourteen and he is the eldest. There was no money to spend on, we did not have a car to take us to the market and buy what we needed. There was no father or family member close to us. All of my family lived in areas far from us. At that time I never saw the outside world. I knew my home, my mother and my siblings, my neighbors and the neighborhood I lived in. I did not see the sea, the parks and even the biggest market I had ever seen was that small shop in our neighborhood. Because we did not own a car, we could not get out and see the outside world. Even if we had a car, we would need some money when we go out but we did not have the money. Do not be surprised if you see me crying beside the refrigerator, sometimes in my bed, sometimes in the small backyard of our house. I have been very careful not to be seen crying but mom knew everything in-house. Whenever I cry, when I remember who was the cause of all this, the divorce, my father's marriage from another, our poverty after my dad's marriage, my desire for revenge was getting greater. It was one of the worst periods of my life because I got stabbed by my father. I loved him more than anything else, never expected that he would do something like this. Because of this, I was avoiding many people. I do not want my heart to be broken again. I ended up without any friends because I was ashamed of our situation so I had to stay away from my friends. Even my relationship with my brother and my three sisters was getting worse. I used to spend hours playing Playstation with my brother but after all these hardships I became not seeing him very much while even though we were in the same house. I also used to spend some of my time with my sisters watching TV and playing but then my daily routine changed. I do not remember playing something although I was twelve but I ended up as a young women not even a teenager. I used to listen a lot to music, at least I had a phone that distracted me and made me forget for a moment our bitter reality. I did not spend much time with my mother when my father was at home but when he left, my relationship with my mother was changing to a better. Mom grew up in my eyes, loved her more and saw how very patient she is. I saw how she is an example of the ideal mother. Several times she was offered to marry, leave us and let us live with my dad but she refused. She sacrificed so much for our happiness.




Chapter two 

In that difficult period, our neighbors were with us and helped us a lot. They supported us more than most of my family. My aunt also did not leave us alone and did her best to help us. When my father was at home, there were frequent visits from relatives but when he left, I do not recall anyone visiting us except my aunt and neighbors. I did not care much about it because I was willing to set limits in my relations with everyone except my mom and siblings. After several months of my father’s marriage, for the first time he came to visit us. I saw him and saw his wife, although she looked kind but I did not forget that she took my father from me and left us living months of misery. I could not accept her presence and even I could not meet them but I did it because mom asked me to do so. My mother agreed with my father about monthly expenses he should give us. Because my relationship with my father used to be strong and because my father cares a lot for anything I say, despite my young age, I was the one who spoke to him on behalf of my siblings. I decided that my relationship with dad has to be very formal because I could not trust him anymore. People thought I was  cruel and I admit this, that is the point of hardships I guess, being stronger and never let emotions control my life. Although the conditions at house began to improve, I could not forget for a moment the difficulties we had faced and the idea of revenge. I was going to school, my academic level changed for the better because this was the only way that would help me build my future without relying on anyone. Previously, I was not that smart perfect student but when I saw how I could not trust even the closest people to me, I had to focus on my studies and rely on myself. I would not expect for someone to help me. I believed that we should lower our expectations roof of people if we want to live happily. I tried a lot to get away from the world till I became obsessed with studying. I was not attending neighbors’ parties and weddings even I missed most of the celebrations. I do not remember being out of the house. I spent my time between going to school, helping my mother at home, studying, listening to songs. I was very introverted and isolated from the world. At least it was better than having relationships with people who could break my heart at any point. I also went through the so-called adolescence or teenage phase that made me more isolated from the world. At that stage, the high levels of hormones had changed me from the inside so I became sensitive and crying because of simplest things. It also changed me from the outside and it was obvious from the acne that used to appear on my face. I hated my face and my look back then and so I hated my length. My brother was tall and my younger sisters were taller than me. I used to cry when I was called short even though my height was very normal.



Chapter three

A year after my father's marriage, his wife fed up with the expenses he gives us monthly, even though these expenses are our right. So my father and his wife decided to file a lawsuit for our custody. I was thirteen back then. Mom received a call from an unknown number from the court and she was told about the lawsuit. Before the trial day, I was thinking a lot about it, that night I talked to my mother about my thoughts and my fears. I cried a lot because I did not expect things to come to the courts. My mom hugged me that night and made me feel better. She gave me power and hope. I attended the trial with my mother and my youngest sister, who was nine years old. We had to miss the school to attend this trial. The rest of my siblings did not come with us and went to school as usual. I prayed a lot before the judicial session. We did not have a car then to go to the court so mom asked our neighbor to take us. When I entered the court and saw my father and his wife I felt dizzy and terrible pain. My neighbor and my father's wife were waiting outside. They were not allowed to watch the session with us because they had nothing to do with what was happening. My younger sister did not say a word. I remember my mother was crying, she could not continue and went out. "Well, I have to act now", I said to myself then. I tried to hold on and talked rationally about everything that was going on. I was not afraid to tell the truth. Justice must take its course and every sinner must be punished. The case was in our favor. I could have demanded our monthly expenses from the court but I could not put my father in such a situation. I was not cruel enough to do it whatever I claimed cruelty. 



Chapter four 

Several months after that trial, my parents decided that they should go back to remarry. Well, they made this decision after they consulted the eldest members of the family. My mother agreed to this only for our own sake although my father's second wife was pregnant with her first child. My mother also became pregnant with her sixth child. I was wishing the baby to be a boy but when my mother gave birth to the baby in the summer of 2011, it was a girl. I went to the hospital and I was the first to look at her. I do not forget the first time I looked at my younger sister, huge overwhelming feelings of happiness. My mom's and dad's second marriage did not work, his wife's presence was a disaster. Things did not went as planned so they broke up for the second time when I was almost fourteen years old. Mom was suffering a lot, I will not mention the details of what was happening because it might damage the reputation of some members of my family. These difficulties were the cause of my mother's illness as she had a heart disease. I noticed my mother's constant exhaustion. I and my sisters helped her with the housework and taking care of my newborn sister. My mother went to the hospital with my neighbor for a medical check. Twelve hours passed and my mother was still in the hospital. It was good that I had finished all my exams so I was free taking care of my 10-month-old sister. My elder brother, who was in his last year of school, was preparing for his final exams, I felt sorry for him. My aunt came to our house and I was very shocked by her visit. The signs of crying were written on her face. Then I realized that my mother was suffering from a serious disease. My four sisters and I went with my aunt to her house, which was an hour away from our house. My brother stayed at home because he did not finish his exams. In my aunt's house that night, I waited for everyone to sleep and then I cried a lot, I did not want my sisters to see me crying because I have to be strong in front of them. I am my oldest sister and I have a little sister who is not yet one year old. I was very afraid that my mother would die and leave me alone to take care of my siblings. "I am still a 15-year-old girl, my mother's death means that I will not continue my studies and I will stay at home to take care of my little sister, okay, I'll sacrifice for my siblings." That's what I said to myself that night. I did not pity myself as much as I did on that ten-month-old girl.



Chapter five

The first days since my mom stayed in the hospital were difficult especially taking care of my younger sister who was ten months old. I used to help my mother taking care of her but I never imagined I would do that alone, it was not easy. I was afraid of the simplest things, of an insect, of any human being and I was afraid to forget her sleep and feeding schedules. I was looking after her more than I did to myself. Taking care of her made me understand mothers' fear of us from the simplest things, made me respect every mother because being a mother is not easy at all. A few days later, I and my sister who is one year younger, decided that we should go back home and take our ten-month-old sister with us. The rest of my sisters, who were 12 and 11 years old, agreed to stay with my aunt. We had to go back because we did not want to be a burden on my aunt, I couldn't leave my brother alone and I could not take responsibility for all my sisters alone. It was good idea to split up so the rest of my sisters stayed with my aunt. My 14-year-old sister helped me do housework and taking care of our youngest sister. It was very difficult. I did not sleep for more than five hours. My sister used to cry sometimes at night and beside that, we have to do some cleaning, washing and cooking. I was fifteen years old, but I had to have a twenty-five-year-old woman's mind. After few weeks, my mother was recovering and getting better. Our neighbor was taking us to visit her until she was allowed to get out of the hospital. In the period of my mother's illness, I do not recall my father visited us only once or twice, this was frustrating. My neighbors and my aunts, mother's sisters, did a lot for her and for us. I remember that my mother bought a car with the help of my aunt. Some people might think that getting the car is something normal but in our situation it was a dream, hard to achieve. Years passed, I did not change, I grew more ambiguous and introverted. I remember that at school I was not talking to my friends at the break time. I used my break time to read and finish homework. I also experienced difficulties in my studies. Most of my friends were attending private tutorials but taking them is expensive, so I did not have the chance to attend them. The last year of school, my mom and aunt said they would pay for my tutoring. Private lessons were an enjoyable helpful experience. In exam period, I was not sleeping for more than four hours a day, I was not eating a meal for more than ten minutes, every minute is important. I graduated from school with 99%. I got the highest grade at my school and at my region. I won a lot of prizes then, these awards were dreams I did not think they would be achieved. I also received financial prizes from my participation in math and physics competitions and the International Chemistry Olympiad competition. I was not interested in prizes and awards as much I was interested to win. I managed to achieve everything I wanted. My ultimate goal has always been to prove myself in this world and to make my mother proud.




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