A Long Time Without Feeling

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
taken from my book, "Breaking Thru The Thought Barrier"

Submitted: April 13, 2017

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Submitted: April 13, 2017

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A Long Time Without Feeling

-

Filthy ass poor

Trying to fuck these horny ass whores

But can't

Because I cannot afford

The world spins above me

And I don't understand why

If ever there will be

Another time to get laid

I'll puke all over the place

Hoping to soon clean up the mess

But not be able to

At the same time

When I walk all over myself

I just may go to Hell

And see if I don't in thee end

Where the river runs

Is to where water don't flow

But still is

After the see saw

Cuts me in half

I'll never know what to do with myself

After that point

If you ask me what time it is

I just may not tell you

But not because I don't want to

But because I don't wanna know the time

__enough

____to check the time

When water spills over thee edge

And there is no madness left

Look where the doughnuts take you

When you spin your wheels to their death

If when asked

__to take a big blast

____remember your last crash

______that brought you to your knees

________begging for a new way of life

Thee emotional support I get

Out of losing my head to the hog race

Leaves me tipped over

Like a jar full of money

Pouring out wealth

For anybody but me

And when the dead walk on my head

I can get kicked in the head too much

But it never ends

So I laugh my way infinitely lost in space

Waiting and waiting

For some one I would never have to marry

Just for her to stay faithful to me

But if that breaks the rules of life

Then I guess nobody can be mine

And only mine

And I'll just die this way

If this is the way it has to be

Fuck everybody else's way of living

Who can easily suit up

And show up

For love

And actually get married

Because I never can

When all I know

__is lost in the fog

____I'll scramble to find my way

______in a valley of cheese

And when I get grated

__along with the the cheese

____just watch me die

______getting shredded to death

Thee empty hopes that anybody can give me

Leave me deserted in my own little world

Built just for me

And nobody else

If I hand myself  bag of Fritos

What next

__on my journey

____of a quest to find peace

______and harmony in my life?

Harmony?

Can I even be in harmony?

Why should I get along

__with the flow of the world

____that doesn't want any one I can date

______to be exclusive to me

________and sabotages my relationships

__________that I may

____________or may not have

______________in the future

________________that they claim I'll live?

Brooms don't just sweep up the messes left

When the world needs to be cleaned up

Hell!

My life is thrashed!

I'm just a train wreck

Everything around me

Is just a debris

And to what degree

Can I remember what I must have forgot?

Is it always gonna be this way?

I hold no reasoning

Why else would this not rhyme?

I'll make no changes to that fact

Because nothing in my life makes sense

Everybody else's life is understandable

Because I can comprehend the way they live

But everything about my own life

Fails to have meaning to me, at all

Could I really be a wound up doll

That scares people away?

Like a scary clown?

Do people really think I'm that frightening?

I don't know

If I had any of thee answers

__to any of my questions

____maybe everything I wrote could rhyme

Then maybe I could live a worthwhile life

But that's just too good to ever be true

Right?

Even thee idea of "rape"

Does not attract me

In reality

But a pen and paper saying so

Is never something I'd say "no" to

But if you ask me

My anger never rhymes

Because my rage doesn't make sense

If I picked a fight

__with all thee ink

____would it even change the way I think?

Out of all the things I know I forgot

Seeing their memory again

Might just be too much to handle

All over again

But I'm tired of being numb

And even though that doesn't rhyme

That still makes sense to me

It's thee only thing that makes sense though

And why would it not?

Being numb for this long

Would make any one want things to be

How they used to be

If they used to feel something

That they never can seem to anymore

Maybe it's not forgotten

Maybe it's just avoided

But maybe saying "maybe"

Is the truth already

I guess I actually do not need a woman

Just to see it that way

-

04-03-'17

D. L. Cannon


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