A Dummy in Public

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A redneck evening.

Submitted: April 13, 2017

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Submitted: April 13, 2017

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So there I was, sittin' in my chair on a Sunday night watching the Deer channel when my dang phone rings.

"Ronnie? Can you come pull me out of a ditch? I got my right wheel off the road a bit and I'm stuck."

I said "Kevin, where are you?"

He said "I'm ‘cross from the Raley’s Supermarket on........"

Anyways, I get there and there's this fat lady with a kid under one arm and a long Marlboro hanging out her mouth, holdin' up traffic with her free hand and Kevin's car is ass-over-tea kettle in the south bound side ditch, which is 3 feet deep.

Well, he hooked the tow strap up wrong and that mother of the year with her cigarette bouncing, yells to me,

"He's gonna get his fat ass rund o'er!"

I run back and fix the tow strap right under his license plate, which is 4 feet in the dang air. Meanwhile traffic is backing up on one side and racing by on the other. I jump in, throw it in Low 1 and mash the throttle. My truck lunges forward, but no good. I back up and do it again. Tires screaming, smoke billowing, cars honking and babies crying. It was pandemonium. About the 5th try, old Blue came through for me. Just in time too. I no sooner had the straps off when I saw CHP heading toward us. Well, I hope they were having a good night, but I wasn't gonna stick around and ask 'em. I nodded to the Marlboro Mom and dropped it in D.

Don't know what happened with Kevin, but if I know my friend he probably grinned and charmed his way out of another ticket for being a dummy in public.


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