A World Without Color

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
the curse of indifference

Submitted: April 16, 2017

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Submitted: April 16, 2017

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I don’t give a fuck no more,

My whole body just went numb.

I don’t give a fuck no more,

My mind is nothing but static and white noise.

 

I don’t give a fuck no more,

Live or die, it doesn’t matter.

I don’t give a fuck no more,

Fuck your love and your friendship,

Cause I don’t need it.

 

April is the month of Apathy Awareness,

Always about this time I stop giving a fuck.

Exhausted from all the hours spent on classes,

Burnt out and disillusioned with the process.

Stuck between a rock and hard place,

Was on my way to flunk right out of college.

Shit, I nearly dropped out of that bitch,

Cause I was too afraid to fail.

 

April showers create a thick and viscous mud,

That’s like trying to walk through a river of molasses.

Monsoon conditions and a state of emergency,

Get caught up in flash floods and pray you don’t drown.

I nearly fucking drowned in a tidal wave inside my mind,

Still wondering how the fuck I made it out alive.

 

Emotional issues still left unresolved,

There’s no reason why I’m not in therapy.

I’m well aware that I’m really fucked up, and

Wasting my best years to an illness that should be cured,

Wasting my best years to addictions I should’ve killed off,

Wasting my best years talking about it, but changing nothing.

I’m a hypocrite for pushing others to go and seek help,

While I’m dodging the doctors like Ali dodged the draft.

 

My thoughts are as dark as the skin of my ancestors,

I wonder if anyone else in my bloodline ever dealt with this?

Are these thoughts my own,

Or are they embedded in my genetic code?

Did my lack of self control cause my addictions,

Or is it cause by genetic predisposition?

 

99 percent of the time,

I don’t understand my own fucking mind.

I don’t give a fuck and that’s my problem,

Swallowed the blue pill to stay blind.

Maybe my apathy is why my friends are distant,

Y’all don’t call me any more like you used to.

I think my “don’t give a fuck” attitude drove them away,

They decided it’s better to not help someone who’s indifferent.

I know how it looks, but things aren’t always what they seem,

I’d prove it to you, if I could shed the skin of apathy.

Check under the microscope and see what’s in my bloodstream,

Keep looking closer, until you spot the abnormalities.

 

My body’s going numb, and I can’t feel a thing,

Swallowed a whole bottle filled with blue pills.

My mind is filled with static and white noise,

Live or die, it doesn’t matter this spring.

 

I don’t give a fuck no more,

Ultimately none of this bullshit even makes a difference.

Becoming more nihilistic with every passing minute,

About time to give up on fighting the internal war.

 

Views changing more often than the weather,

What set of ideals am I going to subscribe to today?

Is it Apatheism or Ignosticism,

What about Atheism or Agnosticism?

Or is it Agnostic Atheism?

Whatever the fuck you wanna call it,

It’s still under the banner of Irreligion.

I can’t be cured or fixed simply cause,

You had a chat with your imaginary friend.

A bath in your water can’t wash away my sins,

It’s more likely that I’ll get an infection.

Will I go to Heaven or Hell?

That’s something I don’t really think about,

Maybe those places exist inside of your mind,

But they aren’t present inside of mine.

 

I don’t give a fuck,

Live or die, it doesn’t matter now.

Fuck your friendship and your love,

Cause I don’t need it.

If I had those things, I wouldn’t know

What I’m supposed to with them.

My blood is colder than the Arctic Ice,

And after swallowing all the blue pills,

My body goes numb and I’m paralyzed.

Emotions repressed so deep into my psyche,

I’m not entirely sure that they even exist.

 

I don’t give a fuck no more,

Cause nothing matters in this colorless world.

I can’t fucking feel anything anymore,

And my mind is full of static and white noise.

Heaven or Hell? Live or die?

None of that shit even matters.

Cause I don’t give a fuck no more,

Fuck your love, and fuck your friendship.

I don’t need it, I don’t need it.

Cause nothing matters in this colorless world.


© Copyright 2017 Melancholic Wisdom. All rights reserved.

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