Cocaine and The Cyclops.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Glen would have to go to his dealer and explain the situation and ask for more time. Getting his dealer to believe that his wife had accidentally put his jacket with £10,000 worth of cocaine in the washing machine would not be easy.

His dealer was not a man to be trifled with and not known for his sense of humour. His nickname was Cy, which was short for Cyclops and rumour had it he had lost an eye in a knife fight.

Submitted: April 19, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 19, 2017



The queue in the bank seemed endless and as much as he tried to blank out the conversation of the old couple in front of him, it was almost impossible.

They spoke very loud and it was almost as if they were putting on a show, it was obvious they were drunk and desperate for attention. They were both rough looking and a step away from being derelicts­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­.The woman was angry and aggressive and carried a tin of strong lager.

“If you don’t behave yourself, I’ll take you to the care home, I mean it!”

“You don’t take me to the care home, I take you to the care home, you bitch!”

“I hate you, you're disgusting and your knob stinks!”

“Yes, but at least I haven’t wet myself.”

She slapped him around the face and he slapped her back. Her beer fell on the floor and there was a hideous shriek.

At this point the bank security guard appeared behind them and ushered them politely to the exit.

Glen laughed and walked out of the Bank, the crazy couple had taken his mind away from his problems.

 He realized that the demon drink had messed their lives up in the way cocaine had messed his life up. Now he was in a crisis situation.

He had considered his problem from every angle and it was clear there was only one realistic option. He would have to go to his dealer and explain the situation and ask for more time. Getting his dealer to believe that his wife had accidentally put his jacket with £10,000 worth of cocaine in the washing machine would not be easy.


His dealer was not a man to be trifled with and not known for his sense of humour. His nickname was Cy, which was short for Cyclops and rumour had it he had lost an eye in a knife fight.

Having made the decision to confront Cy, Glen felt nauseous with worry. His ambitious plan to turn his addiction into a business had become a nightmare. It seemed the world was conspiring against him, how could somebody so good looking be so unlucky?

Glen phoned one of Cy’s Lieutenants and 10 minutes later he received a text message with a location for the “meet.”

As Glen drove across London to the “meet” he felt a mixture of fear and depression. Now everything was about cocaine it had begun dominating his life and he felt he only had a slender contact with the person he had once been. Even his relationship with his wife had suffered, she said he had become paranoid, short tempered, and needed help and today for the first time he realized she was right. Underneath his left eye twitched furiously, this only happened when he was highly stressed. On two occasions he stopped the car and was tempted to turn back but he was already a month late with his payment and if he did not show for the meet they would think he was trying to rob them and the consequences would be dire. He had his wife and daughter to consider. He called his wife but her phone was switched off.

His Sat Nav indicated he had arrived at his destination, which turned out to be ladies hairdressers.

It was packed and he made his way to the counter.

He spoke with a huge middle aged woman dressed like a Barbie doll, she looked at Glen with hard eyes pressed a buzzer on the desk an indicated for Glen to go up the stairs.

At the end of a passage was an iron door covered by a curtain. An eye appeared at the peep hole and Glen could hear the sound of bolts being released.

He was greeted by Archie, one of Cy’s inner circle.

Archie always made Glen feel uncomfortable, he was was a former night club bouncer, very tall and muscular with a shaven head and an unblinking stare. His suits always appeared to be too small and gave you the impression he was about to burst out of his clothes like The Incredible Hulk. In spite of his forbidding appearance, strangely he had the voice of a girl.

He indicated for Glen to pass through an Arch positioned at the centre of the room

“Walk through that arch slowly and lift your arms above your head.”

“Why what’s that?” Glen asked slightly alarmed.

“It’s a body scanner like they have at airports.”

Archie stood close behind Glen and whispered in his ear

“You’re not armed, are you? Or carrying a recording device? That would be extremely unfortunate.”

“No, of course not!”

Archie gave him the creeps and he felt a cold shiver run down his spine.

A girl sitting at a desk, staring at a computer screen looked up at Archie and said “He’s clean. Go through.”

Cy sat behind a stylish desk, he was a small man, middle aged, of Mediterranean appearance, with an intense face and receding hairline. He appeared relaxed but it was hard to gauge what he was thinking as he wore sunglasses.

Glen sat on a chair placed in front of the desk, while Archie and another man sat behind him.

Glen’s mouth felt dry.

“Good afternoon Glen, first I must say that over the years you have been a good customer. What one might call steady, which is why we were good enough to credit you with £10000 worth of Charlie so that you could start your own business. Archie tells me that you have had an accident with said cocaine… Explain.”

His voice was deep and melodious, almost comforting and it put Glen at ease and he explained in full the mistake his wife had made.


Cy took off his sunglasses and sat back in his chair.

“When I was younger I envied guys like you, tall, good looking and popular with women, from a privileged background and my guess is you’ve charmed your way through life without much effort, and is there honey still for tea? I on the other hand I come from a poor family with minimal education, I have always been short and I started going bald at 20. I had to become a drug dealer to get money, women, power, and influence.”

“And in my quest for these things I lost one of my eyes as you can see, so as you can imagine I find it very difficult to feel sorry for you. Now bearing in mind you are already a month late. When are we going to get our money?”


“Cy, could you give me a month please?”

“You have built up a lot of positives with us up until now, and out of the goodness of my heart you have 14 days, after that you have a problem because I can’t take you to court and killing you is not an option, because removing identifying features like heads and hands and incinerating bodies is expensive time consuming work. So you leave me with no option, we are going to have to hurt you in a very public way as an example to others.”

“Cy, what about 3 weeks? My parents will be back from a cruise and I can borrow the money from them.”

Glen could feel himself close to tears.

“No, 14 days maximum, we gave you the opportunity to earn thousands of pounds and you reward our trust with carelessness and  fortunately for you I’m not even going to consider the possibility you may be lying, and it could be your trying to rob me.”

“Glen, I don’t like violence but I have people on my staff that do. Archie is one them. Do you know he gets an erection if he hears the death scream? And if you don’t bring our money I’m going to let Archie here, perform an operation on your nose. When he’s finished, instead of having 2 nostrils you’re going to have one big one. Which is most appropriate given the circumstances, and from what Archie tells me this operation can be performed in matter of seconds, sadly without anesthetic and unlike the NHS YOU WON’T HAVE TO WAIT!”

From behind him Archie reached forward and put his hand on Glen’s shoulder.

Glen was startled and he screamed and stood up.

“I wouldn’t scream like that, none of us wants Archie getting an erection”

“Before you go Glen. Archie is going to show you some photo’s on his phone of some of his previous, let’s call them patients, who have had their noses remodeled.”

Archie took a large pair of pliers from his pocket and placed them on the desk in front of Glen.

Archie pulled his chair alongside Glen’s and smiled. He took his mobile out and showed Glen a number of images of men who had their noses mutilated, they were horrible.

Glen was traumatised by the photo’s he began breathing heavily, his heart rate soared and he began shaking violently, he became hysterical and began screaming in a high pitched thin voice,

“I’II get the money, I’ll get the money!”

“Two weeks, that’s all you’ve got, otherwise your daughter is going to be asking Mummy, ‘why does Daddy look like a hover?’”

“Have a nice day Glen. Archie, escort our guest downstairs please.”

Glen sat in his car and he felt exhausted both physically and emotionally. He phoned his wife he was desperate to hear her reassuring voice, but her phone was switched off.

When he arrived home the flat was empty, all the lights were off except the bedroom.

He opened the bedroom door. The bed was stripped and in the middle of the bed was a Stetson cowboy hat. Leaning against the hat was an envelope with “Glen” written in felt pen. Glen opened the envelope with trembling fingers:


Glen, by the time you get this letter me and your

daughter will be starting a new life in America.

It was me that took the cocaine to help make up

 for 8 years of my life you wasted. You’re a loser

and you always will be.

Your real wife is cocaine and I hope you will

be very happy together

Lots of love,


© Copyright 2019 Clyde West. All rights reserved.

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