'How Do You Solve A Problem Like...'

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'Maria, and The Dumper!'

Submitted: April 19, 2017

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Submitted: April 19, 2017

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'How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?'--Rogers and Hammerstein

She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear
She waltzes on her way to Mass
And whistles on the stair
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair
I even heard her singing in the abbey

She's always late for chapel
But her penitence is real
She's always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Maria's not an asset to the abbey

I'd like word in her behalf
Maria... makes me...laugh

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with her I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She's as flighty as a feather
She's a darling! She's a demon! She's a lamb!

She'd out pester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle! She is wild!
She's a riddle! She's a child!
She's a headache! She's an angel!
She's a girl!

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertigibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

 

 

'How Do You Solve A Problem Like The Dumper?'--me

 

 

He mounts his high-horse,

and lies as he looks us in the face
he makes Pinocchio

look like our saving grace
with artificial-colored,

and petrified hair,

and if he loses his idiot, he's got a spare!

 

 

He's a man with a plan,

and claims he'll draining the swamp,
even while all

on the constitution

he continues to stomp
I hate to say it, but he's

not an asset to the white house

 

Watch him make his daily gaffe
Wish he could make me laugh

 

How do you solve a problem like The Dumper?
We're a laughing stock around the globe
Can think of many words that mean The Dumper
A clown, an imbecile, an egotist, the funny Uncle sans bathrobe

Many a thing you know and want to tell him,
but he wouldn't listen anyway
How do I get through

to the asshole,
and make him listen to what I want say?

 

How do you solve a deal like The Dumper?

When we've not seen his ilk before?


He's a junior high-age senior,
We've so never dealt with this before
He's clueless, he's ego, he's a dick!

 

He'll out-stupid any moron
He's about as stupid as it gets
He's got an ego, he's wrong, he's a child!
He's a danger, he's unstable, 'Seig Heil!'!

 

How do you solve a problem like The Dumper?
We're a laughing stock around the globe
Can think of many words that mean The Dumper
A clown, an imbecile, an egotist, the funny Uncle sans bathrobe

 

Many a thing you know and want to tell him,
but he wouldn't listen anyway
How do I get through

to the asshole,
and make him listen to what I want say?

 

Oh, how do you solve a problem like The Dumper?

Who takes a dump right in our hands?

 

 

 

 

 


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