Journal 1: Why I Write

My name is Skylar Skinner and I am writing this weekly journal as a way to express my opinions and views on different things, which is ironically one of the main reasons for this particular subject (being a main reason as to why I write). I don't expect feedback on it, it's more of just for anyone who really wants to know more about the sort of person I am, nothing else. I guess you could call it a blog of sorts.

First off, I don't write to change peoples' lives. I don't consider myself anybody's hero (except myself, but I feel as if that should be a different subject altogether). I write to express my feelings, which sounds cliche, but I don't really care. I never really was that great at expressing them otherwise until well after I had started writing, which was about four or five years ago. If my feelings and views save other people, then more power to them. That isn't supposed to make me sound ungrateful of any fans I may or may not have, believe me, I love hearing feedback and I enjoy the idea that I can make people happy.

When I started writing, I was at the peak of the hormonal changes that puberty entails, so a lot of my early works are edgey and a littly sketchy. I'd also like to mention that most of my writings didn't make it on this site. It was crude, I guess that's the truth, but that's how most artists start off isn't it? I mean, I wasn't born with a natural talent to write, it was just the easiest way for me to show off a talent that I WAS born with-- empathy. 

I was writing mostly to save myself at the time. Due to my emotional state (which was no doubt because of hormones, as I said) I was doing a lot of things that I didn't agree with before I was doing them and I don't really agree with now. I was introduced to drugs (marijuana and spice-- or fweed as I called it) and I was constantly finding ways to get high. I did eventually get cleaned up, but the drugs always came back until about a year ago, when I had finally graduated, intellectually speaking. I was also into self-harm, which is something that a lot of people my age were doing. The difference between me and them, however, was the fact that I did it in places people couldn't see because I did it as a form of self-punishment. I can explain all of this another time.

As I continued to write, I realized more about myself slowly. I figured out that I am a lot smarter than my grades show and that I actually had something going for myself, if I could at least find a career in the future to actually use this talent. My writing adapted from very abstract to very literal, to both literal and abstract-- like a  parable. There is generally a deeper meaning behind what I write now (not that I always see it until looking at it later). I eventually started delving into short stories to express different emotions. I wrote a poem that I don't believe I posted on this site that expressed my hatred towards hate. I like contradiction. I think contradiction is honestly what keeps a conversation going.

I mostly write now as a way of expressing emotions I guess. But also to send a message for anyone who can think like I can or who can say they've gone through some of the things that I have gone through (which isn't ultimately that bad, but it could have been better). 

The reason I choose poetry as my medium for expression probably stems from childhood dreams of being in a band as well as my love for music. I also feel that out of all of the forms of writing, you can capture art with phrases and lyricism, as well as metaphore and simile. I also think that fucking around with formatting on the poems is a pretty cool way of doing it too.

I suppose that's all I have for the reason behind my obsession with writing. It is a form of art that all people can use and also enjoy. Writing keeps me calm. Writing keeps me up-to-date with my own thinking process and state of mind. Writing is my weapon.