Confession of a Cold-Hearted Girl

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
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COLD-HEARTED. A person with a cold personality either represses their feelings or doesn't feel them as strongly. Those who have the former are likely very troubled people who learned to deal with emotional hardship by "toughening up" or some other similar defense mechanism. I looked it up on the internet and that is the definition of the cold-hearted person. Do you want to know why? It's because they have reason to be.

Submitted: April 23, 2017

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Submitted: April 23, 2017

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Being someone like me is difficult and I wouldn't deny the fact that there are times I wish that I wasn't the one who I am right now. Everyone thinks that I'm strong, that they can always depend on me but the truth is I also needed someone whom I can depend on too. Yeah, I have my family but I also needed a friend or someone that would be special to me. I thought I had, it turned out it was just only a thought. Now I believe in the saying that people come, people go.

Everything was fine, then one day I woke up having no idea that this day would come. We were having fun, goofing with each other, teasing then suddenly there's no communication at all. I tried to ask but they gave me blunt answers. They may not say it but I can feel of being detached with them.

I kept on asking myself, "what's wrong?", "do I have this so called attitude, again?" but in the end, I still have no idea. I know I'm not a perfect person, as a matter of fact, no one is. But it wouldn't harm them if they could at least just inform me what is really going on. After all, I didn't sign up for any guessing games.

The result? Here I am hurting and sad but at the same time, I was able to act so strong towards them. Like if they won't talk to me, then so am I. Is this pride? Maybe yes, maybe no. Am I wrong? Perhaps, others would say yes. Because if you really care for someone or if you truly values those people who are dear to you, pride would never take over. But the thing is, this was not the first time they've done this to me. So, is this still pride? I think not.

If we try to look on the brighter side for whatever that's happening in our life, we could just say that everything happens for a reason and until now I still believe on that. Who wouldn't be? I was able to spend more time with myself and with other people who values me.

Distracting myself was always my way of escaping from a situation that I find hard to provide any solution. Thinking that it might help me. Somehow it did but not completely. There's always a part of me that is missing. Honestly, I said to myself that I don't know what that is, but I know I'm just denying it. Why if you may ask? I'm just afraid to admit to myself that they've really hurt me emotionally and that is more painful than physical pain.

So, from this day onwards I became a cold hearted person. I wanted to cry, to be mad at them, I wanted to feel that emotion but I can't. It scares me not feeling anything. Because I know from the bottom of my heart, my care for them is slowly vanishing into thin air.

But I tell you, for those who are like me or who turned into a cold hearted person due to certain life events, I respect them. They were able to stand up and be strong after everything.

I just have one simple wish. To those who wanted to be part of our life and has proved that no matter what happens you'll stay, please never give up on us until our hearts become warm again.

** confession of the cold-hearted girl **


© Copyright 2017 M. Joya. All rights reserved.

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