Anthony Zerkins: a Comedic Monologue

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This was originally a character sketch for a book or script I was going to write, but the project never materialized, so here's a monologue from 6-year-old Anthony Zerkins. It was inspired by my little brother's trouble with homonyms and homophones.

Submitted: April 23, 2017

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Submitted: April 23, 2017

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My best friend Clara says that when I grow up, I should be an actor, and when I’m an actor, I should pretend to be a serial killer in a horror movie.

That’s because my name is Anthony Zerkins, and the two greatest horror movies ever are Psycho and The Silence of the Lambs, and the both of those movies are about serial killers, and the actors who play the serial killers are Anthony Perkins and Anthony Hopkins, and since my first name is Anthony and my last name ends with kins, I’d be a good serial killer actor.

Course, me and Clara haven’t seen Psycho or The Silence of the Lambs, because Clara’s only six and three quarters and I’m only six and three dimes, and both of those movies are rated R and to see R movies you probably have to be at least a hundred or something.

So we only know about them being the greatest horror movies ever and all from listening to our parents talk about them. They all love Psycho, and Clara’s daddy loves The Silence of the Lambs, but her mommy doesn’t because she majored in something called psychy-tree and she says the pshyc-old-a-tree of the movie is really, really creepy. My daddy says the movie is creepy too, but that that’s what makes it good. I don’t know what my mommy says about it because she left after I was born. But that’s okay, because Clara’s mommy is just as good as a real mommy.

I think I would be a good actor to play a serial killer, ‘cuz I’ve been practicing being a serial killer with Clara. We got out the Frosted-Mini Wheats and Cheerios and dumped ‘em all over the floor and stomped on ‘em till they were good and dead. When I make my serial killer movie, I’m going to give it a good name, because even if Psycho and The Silence of the Lambs are the greatest horror movies ever, they have really dumb names. Psycho sounds like it’s about scientists like Clara’s mommy and The Silence of the Lambs sounds like it’s about shepherds or maybe Jesus or something, but Clara’s daddy says that’s not what they’re about at all. So I’m going to give my movie a name so you can tell what it’s about. Me and Clara have decided that it should be called Death of the Lucky Charms, ‘cuz Lucky Charms is our favorite cereal and maybe after I stomp on ‘em and kill ‘em I can eat the leftovers. Clara says that’s a good idea as long as I share them with her. 


© Copyright 2017 KathrynAcacia. All rights reserved.

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