When I'm Gone

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
My suicidal tendencies and broken heart.

Submitted: April 24, 2017

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Submitted: April 24, 2017

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When I’m Gone

Here I am, leaning against the Golden Gate Bridge’s rail. I’ve been here for hours or maybe days. I’m deciding whether to end my life right now or later in the future. I’m trying so hard to move on my rejection from asking the hottest girl in my high school out on a date. I never thought Abigail Snow the sweetest girl in my school, would be so damn cold hearted. I can recall those terrible things she said about me.

 

“No, sorry I don’t have time for ugly guys like you.” That was one of the worst moments of my life.

 

Now I can’t stop thinking about that day and those words. That damn bitch, she’s fucked my mind over. How am I going to ever cope with this crap? As I was contemplating about Abigail, I took out a cigarette from my pack of smokes that was in my pocket. I put the cigarette in my mouth and then took my lighter out. I lit my cigarette, exhale and blow. Smoking can help with my anxiety and it sucks since that was my last cigarette. Probably the last time.

 

I knew as soon as I’m done with this last cigarette of my life, I’m going to fucking jump. Just as I could see my cigarette was almost done. I saw the prettiest girl start walking towards my direction with some guy. When I got a better look, it was, it was Abigail with some dude. They had their arms locked, laughing, and smiling about some bullshit. As I looked down at my cigarette I took a deep breath then brought it to my lips and exhaled. As I blew out the smoke I took my cigarette bud and smeared it against the concrete. My cigarette was now just a pile of ash.

 

I decided it was time to go, it was time to leave this planet, it was time to say goodbye. I put both my legs over the red rail and saw the blue cold looking water. Just as I was about to push off the rail I heard someone call my name.

 

“Wait, John! Don’t jump please!” I turned and saw Abigail and her boyfriend a few meters away from me.

 

“Why shouldn’t I? You don’t even care!” I began pushing my body forward until I heard another scream.

 

“Because, I… I love you John! Please don’t go!” I could see tears pour down from her eyes all the way to her cheeks and her makeup started to smear.

 

Why would she say that? Does she really love me? Wait… She’s just trying to make me not jump. I see, no wonder no one likes living in this world full of lies.

 

“Shut the fuck up you’re lying to me!” I had enough and now I was standing with my body outward towards the water.

 

“I’m not I swear please, just climb back over!” She started walking towards me slowly.

 

“No, I’m sorry I will not hop back over to safety. Today is the day, the day John Arthur had committed suicide. The day no one will remember. I love you Abigail but you should’ve came up with a better lie.” I smiled and pushed myself off the rail.

 

It felt like I was being sucked into a blackhole, a blackhole that would keep me forever and ever. As I was falling I was going through all the memories of my life, from my childhood to now. I smiled and I could feel my eyes start to water. As I turned my body towards the deep blue sky, I could feel the cool windy breeze. I saw Abigail and her boyfriend watch me fall to my death. I could tell she was crying but I don’t know why? I could’ve sworn she disliked me. If only she would’ve maybe said yes to the date or at least gave a nicer response. If only she did. At this point I could tell I was about to hit the water. I knew once I hit the water I will die. I knew my family will be sad forever. I knew all I wanted was attention and love. When I’m Gone I hope that I’m remembered.


I closed my eyes and awaited my death. Suddenly all I heard was an instant splash. I could feel my back and legs break. All I could hear was the water, bubbles, and peace. I could feel myself drift deeper into the cold water. My lungs and my brain were hurting but I ignored it and fully accepted that I am dying. I started to see black even though my eyes were still open. My vision became black. Goodbye.

 


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