Shorts Staffed at the Home Depot

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A conversation overheard at my friendly, neighborhood Home Depot leads to a basic break down in communication that I just had to write about. For the record, we still don't know where Matt is. I think he's being held for ransom somewhere.

Submitted: April 25, 2017

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Submitted: April 25, 2017



We went to the Home Depot to purchase some soil and a few new plants to adorn the back yard. John and I split up, because I was looking for someone, anyone, who could tell me if garlic plants might be an effective way to keep squirrels out of the yard as garlic is generally effective on other kinds of unwanted invaders. I found no such luck. Oh, there were plenty of employees working in the garden section, but none of them were tripping over themselves to help me and I couldn’t identify anyone among them who might know the answer to my question.


In any case, I didn’t find garlic bulbs, so it would have been a moot point. My consolation prize was the following exchange between two employees named, E1 and E2.


E1: Do you know where Matt is?

E2: I don’t know, I saw him in shorts.


 Correct me if I’m wrong, but is “shorts” a directional term that am I unaware of? Because I believe that E1 was looking for Matt and did not ask what he was wearing. Perhaps E2 had seen Matt earlier that day in shorts and the sight was so empowering as to be sufficient response to any question put forth to her.


 Boss: Good morning E2, how are you?

E2: I saw Matt in shorts.




 Doctor: What seems to be problem?

E2: I saw Matt in shorts.


 Priest: Is God in your thoughts, E2?

E2: I don’t know… but I saw Matt in shorts.


 Of course I tried to think of the possible ways that seeing Matt in shorts could be an acceptable response to the question of where he was. If the police were asking for his whereabouts, maybe giving them a description of his clothes could be useful information.


On the other hand, I suppose they do sell work related clothing at the Home Depot. But shorts have very minimal applications in home improvement, at least where safety is concerned. I suppose I have in my time seen a number of people working on their homes while wearing shorts, but that would be more for comfort than utility. But even if Home Depot offered shorts for whatever reason, I very much doubt that they would encompass a large enough section of the store that simply mentioning the word shorts would give me adequate information for locating poor, missing Matt.


Well, I hope that Matt is safe and sound and that he doesn’t mind being the butt of my humor. The next time I go to Home Depot with a question about natural pest removal, maybe the employees won’t have such a short span of attention.

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