Fear ( Of Being Alone)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Although the title seems a little on the darker side, this is actually an inspiring piece about never giving up no matter how dark life seems.

Submitted: April 25, 2017

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Submitted: April 25, 2017

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When I was a child, I had my fears. The fear of bugs, heights, dying, drowning, and so much more. Now grown I have triumphed of all of these fears. Some may call me fearless even. But I do have one fear. Love. Love is a sweet amazing experience. But it can be a painful experience as well. Losing a loved one, being deceived, and getting rejected. All painful experiences. The most painful experience I have endured. I loved a girl once. 3 years. She crushed my heart, destroyed our dreams, and left a huge hole. I tried to fill that hole with other girls. I tried to find love, maybe because I was desperate. In the end none of those girls were worth anything. But there is one girl that i thought was worth something. She is pretty and smart and atheletic. I find my self thinking about her alot. As wonderful as she sounds, she is just another fear I have. Maybe the fear of rejection or maybe the fear that she doesn't care about me as much as I do for her. Maybe I'm afraid I'm not good enough for her. Not good-looking enough, sweet enough, not her type, friend-zoned, or just not enough for her to feel back. In the end she just went off with someone else. I often feel this way about everyone. I am all alone... Sometimes it makes me wonder? Is it just me? Or am I just not enough. Not fun or important enough for anyone to care. Maybe my ex cheated on me because I wasn't enough for her.  I feel like im drowning in depression sometimes and no one there to save me. Sure I have friends. But I  am just the fun guy. The guy that entertains. No one sees the other side of me. I was born with alot of intellect. I am loving and loyal. I care about others more than I do myself.  I work hard, I am dedicated to my job even if it's my first low paying job. I am able to offer comfort and good advice. But yet no one can offer comfort or guidance to me. Sometimes I just want it to end, all the sadness. Maybe that's why I act like im okay. Like I don't give a care in the world. So i can convince myself.I have so many blessiings, ambition and intelligence and strength to endure. But I feel like letting go of the cliff I'm hanging on sometimes. Yet I know I'm not a coward. I don't give up. Life is a journey... I shouldn't just quit because I am scared of the rocky roads or lonely nights. Maybe one day I will win the girl. Or sit down in a safe sanctuary with money, fun, people that honest care about my well-being. Maybe I can find the right road to that ending and finally be happy with no worries. That's what I tell myself. So I just keep moving. Continuing with my journey, never stopping and looking back to see if I made a mistake.  No matter how many falls I take, no matter how many miles. I will find my sanctuary one day.



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