IN MY HEAD

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: April 26, 2017

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Submitted: April 26, 2017

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What no one knows

Is Ive been having suicidal thoughts
Ive been dreaming of death
Ive been crying in a ball
I cant feel my breath

Every single night
As I turn off the lights
The realisation in my mind hits and my thoughts become blind
I feel the darkness come towards me and I shut my eyes and whisper
I cant take this anymore
Life feels like a blister
I have no room to think 
Everything is so fucked up

Everyday is the same
I feel myself dying like a piece of decay
In an old rotten grave where nobody wants to lay

My watery eyes open and I scramble around
I try my hardest to shut it all down
Trying to convince myself that tomorrows another day…
But theres not one day yet that takes this pain away

I cant run from these feelings
They just wont stop
I can help everyone else but where is my rock
I am hiding my sadness
That no one cares to see inside me
No one sees me cry
No one hears my screams
No one sees me when im demented as I think of my suicide schemes

No one can take this back
It’s an irreversible change
The way the odds are stacked
Its all me to blame
I am trying so hard to be strong
But I don’t know how much longer I can go on
How much worse can this pain get
It makes living feel so wrong

Ive never wanted to be dead
But I feel it’s the only escape
It’s the only way out
There is no debate

The only thing I wanted
Is completely shattered and broken

The only thing I wanted forgotten
Is the memory that’s ruined everything being spoken
Is the most unforgettable pain that is trapped in my brain
I am weak every night
My strength is a show
I just want to go

I cant feel this guilt any longer
I cant feel unbeautiful everyday
I feel like a disaster
With no where to turn or nowhere to say

I am slowly loosing grip
On wanting to be alive
Ive never felt like this I don’t think im going to survive

I see it in the headlines
A young ladys death
On a train line is where she took her last breath

Noones realises how close I am to the finish line
How I wish for my own death
How I know the clocks can never go back 
Once I make the decision everything will turn black

I cry in my sleep 
And wake in the night 
With my face wet, no thoughts of delight
With no sound around me 
I can no longer fight

I wish I had never been born
Then I never would feel this pain
Life is not the same


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