IN MY HEAD

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic


What no one knows

Is Ive been having suicidal thoughts
Ive been dreaming of death
Ive been crying in a ball
I cant feel my breath

Every single night
As I turn off the lights
The realisation in my mind hits and my thoughts become blind
I feel the darkness come towards me and I shut my eyes and whisper
I cant take this anymore
Life feels like a blister
I have no room to think 
Everything is so fucked up

Everyday is the same
I feel myself dying like a piece of decay
In an old rotten grave where nobody wants to lay

My watery eyes open and I scramble around
I try my hardest to shut it all down
Trying to convince myself that tomorrows another day…
But theres not one day yet that takes this pain away

I cant run from these feelings
They just wont stop
I can help everyone else but where is my rock
I am hiding my sadness
That no one cares to see inside me
No one sees me cry
No one hears my screams
No one sees me when im demented as I think of my suicide schemes

No one can take this back
It’s an irreversible change
The way the odds are stacked
Its all me to blame
I am trying so hard to be strong
But I don’t know how much longer I can go on
How much worse can this pain get
It makes living feel so wrong

Ive never wanted to be dead
But I feel it’s the only escape
It’s the only way out
There is no debate

The only thing I wanted
Is completely shattered and broken

The only thing I wanted forgotten
Is the memory that’s ruined everything being spoken
Is the most unforgettable pain that is trapped in my brain
I am weak every night
My strength is a show
I just want to go

I cant feel this guilt any longer
I cant feel unbeautiful everyday
I feel like a disaster
With no where to turn or nowhere to say

I am slowly loosing grip
On wanting to be alive
Ive never felt like this I don’t think im going to survive

I see it in the headlines
A young ladys death
On a train line is where she took her last breath

Noones realises how close I am to the finish line
How I wish for my own death
How I know the clocks can never go back 
Once I make the decision everything will turn black

I cry in my sleep 
And wake in the night 
With my face wet, no thoughts of delight
With no sound around me 
I can no longer fight

I wish I had never been born
Then I never would feel this pain
Life is not the same


Submitted: April 26, 2017

© Copyright 2021 Genpen. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Michael.

Well Genpen,I enjoyed your poem.It's very real,sad,and deep.At least writing truth the way you have done,it's a release.Rather than keep all these feelings trapped inside your head.
Many people feel this way from time to time.But believe it or not,life does get better.although you may not see it now.So don't give up on it !

Wed, April 26th, 2017 8:56pm

CrimsonAlfred

Hi, I like your poems. Understand the part about wanting to shattered and to break.I understand the the feeling that without life or live might be better. You are not alone in the world. You are an amazing poet, a person that has gone through so much. Just please do not take your last breath.
This world would be losing someone so amazing and strong. Someone with the might of a thousand men, a person who know what it is like to want to shatter, you poems make people realize that the world is not always a happy place, they make people see in a different view.

Thu, April 27th, 2017 2:59pm

Author
Reply

Thank u, it's a way to overcome emotions and conversations ur unable to have in the real world! I appreciate ur feedback

Thu, April 27th, 2017 11:29am

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