suicide solution

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
just a first try to write something...... i wrote it in 15 minutes, so here goes nothing.

Submitted: April 27, 2017

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Submitted: April 27, 2017

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Suicide solution
My badass writing skills…. Have I dropped them somewhere on the way of life? Lately, things have been getting progressively worse for me. My health is deteroriating and it will continue to do so. Its time to end this misery…….

voice: hey wake up….. wake up! who is this?
him: im… im I don’t know who I am?
voice: well I know, I know very well. Do you want to know?
him: I don’t know? I feel some sort of heavy baggage which I cant explain as if I wanna take a shit, is there a toilet somewhere here?.
voice: well you see you committed suicide in the hopes of ending suffering and attaining peace, maybe being reincarnated into a better body and person, or transcending this realm and getting into higher existence.. I don’t know. But you are immortal….. that’s the problem.. or isn’t it now? If only you showed trust in universe….. but you acted on your egoic instincts and childish fears.
him: I don’t understand…. Whats this nonsense?
voice:well, thing is….. you killed yourself in your life..
him: now I remember everything…… but wasn’t I justified?!
people around me lived, they were healthy and happy, I was young I must have been healthy and happy too. Instead I was sick, my body giving out on me one by one, always depressed, anxious and unfulfilled… Why was I born for suffering? I didn’t choose that path so it was my decision to end that path, its 100 percent justifiable for me…….. wow, so there really is no death huh? You see, the reason I commited suicide is because I was terrified of my impending death, uncertain death, I had to be certain when would it occur, I had to have control over it…. But now I see, there actually isn’t death…
voice: that’s right.
him: than that means that we are doomed to live?!
voice: you could say so.
him: there isn’t free will after all, I couldn’t decide in my life what was better, being immortal, reincarnated infinite times or just ceasing to exist, they are all so hellish for me…… but wait? If my ego is gone now and this is my true self why am I still suffering? Who created this rules anyway? I want to masturbate so much, but wheres my dick?
voice: yep you masturbated countless times a day to cope with your depression, pathetic really…
him: who the fuck are you to judge? You still didn’t reveal who you are? Are you some sort of higher power? Are you what we call god? Are you some sort of judge the jury?....
voice: actually… im you. Like light to the flies….
him 1: what? Whats that? That brings some feelings and memories.
him 2: never mind.
him 1: anyways, how are you me? I don’t understand…… than who am i?
him 2: wait wait… I knew all of this. You see you knew, you understood many things, but still you couldn’t overstand it…
him 1: overstand? Is that even a word?
him 2: yes……. That’s what you all lack…. Overstanding, you try to understand everything  and that creates hell.
him 1: still you didn’t answer. What am I now?
him 2:now, well heres the real deal: you are the ego side, you are still here.
false self: but how? Am I not created by the mind? The brain and all those survival programing? My bodys dead how am I alive?
true self: you are so clueless……. Anyways I am you means that I am your true self. Now as you “died” we have separated, to be more precise, I was born! All your life was journey to learn lessons about myself, it was set up by me.
false self: by you?
true self: yes by me, im your higher self and I was observing quietly, I was only aware, while you were doing your own thing there….
false self: wait Whats the point in that?
true self: well for me to become the true self, there had to be you first then and then, throught your life, more and more of you would be burnet away and away, until there was nothing left than whats real, that’s how I was to be born, true self.
false self: fuck you you asshole! Im thirsty..
true self: here! it’s a bit warm but still a beer.
false self: thanks…. Aah.
true self: so great game but may I ask, what did you enjoy in life?
false self: honestly….. I couldn’t enjoy shit to be real. That’s what made life unbearable… inability to experience joy and love of things. That’s why I commited suicide..
true self: but you loved yourself!
false self: no I hated it.
true self: than why did you commit suicide? You saw it as a good thing for yourself, you thought you were doing yourself a good job….. isn’t that so?
false self:I just, I just couldn’t take it, it wasn’t about self-love…
true self: I asked what did you enjoy in life?
false self: I “enjoyed” many things: music, masturbation, daydreaming, drinking, smoking, thinking, suffering, feeling……..
true self: of course you did…. All this things made you distracted from reality and yourself, which of both you despised, no wonder you enjoyed them…
false self: wow! Nice catch you bastard.  But I always wanted to fuck a girl you know? Like really, I was such a wanker, I dreamed of banging all sorts of girls there were tons man…… what I would give not to fuck with a prostitute but…….. hormones man! But I always hated the process…… now with a beautiful gorgeous girl, with whom you made it because of your looks, or personality, you attracted her, that I never experienced…. Light up will ya? Don’t you have a fucking lighter?
true self: yes here you go….. so you took a pack of Marlboro gold with ya ha? Cheeky bastard…

False self: Of course, me and cigs are inseparable you know it! So what happens now?

True self: Now…. Your job is done, I will move on to the higher realm of existence, somewhere your unconsciousness and ignorance cant grasp, im free of you and I can go on there thanks to you… so you did your job.
false self: what will happen to me?
light self: I already told you: you are me!
shadow self: oh I see, ok whats that higher realm?
light self: you wont be able to grasp it, you are very limited and fragile, your job is done. But I will experience it now. I will call them now and you’ll be laid to rest.
shadow self: who them? Oh shit, my vision just got triple…. Its probably my multiple sclerosis flare.
light self: but you ain’t even got myelin anymore what the fuck are you talking about?
ok than: we are done here! Bring in the three drug cocktail. Goodbye and thanks…
shadow self: ok atleast ill smoke my final cigarette..
oneness: and one more thing, you would have experienced this…. We would have…. In our lifetime, if you hadn’t done it….. but oh well. Im moving on now.
yes, whatever….. oh, live a lighter will ya?!
 


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