Just A Dude in the JLA

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Well, read the title!

Submitted: April 30, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 30, 2017



I smelt the fresh, fresh air of the fresh, fresh forest. Did I mention that it was fresh? I took in my surroundings. It was a forest. Big surprise. It was a test. A test for what? Well, the Justice League of America, of course! Well, you see, the JLA had just been created, with the Martian Manhunter, Catwoman, Katanna, Green Lantern, Vibe, Stargirl, and Hawkman, all led by Colonel Waller. They’re all odd folks. When you look at the difference between them and me, it’s really buff dudes, strong, skillful women, people with superpowers… And then there’s me. I’m in my mid twenties, could afford to drop a few kilograms, I just look normal. But, apparently, I’m not. I guess I was diagnosed with being above average at almost everything. I’m above average at anything that someone would want to be above average at. You can’t see it based off of my appearance, but apparently the average amount of strength is not enough to make me look ripped. Enough about me now, I’m trying to tell the story of how I was in this test to join the JLA. I was in the forest, as I’ve said before, and I was being tested, as I also said before. I could only think of those two facts. It was a test in a forest. It was getting redundant. I had been there for about three days, with no food, shelter, or water. I mean, I did have all of those, but I had to find them myself. Which was, as you can guess, part of the test. This part was easy to do, which was lucky for me. I knew it wasn’t the whole test. I mean, it couldn’t have been! If they had expected me to fight the original Justice League, the wouldn’t have only made me survive in a forest. There had to have been a catch. You see, the JLA was originally created to be able to fight the real Justice League. Like, Superman and Batman and them. And there they had me.

Suddenly, I heard a noise in the trees. Not a small noise, oh, definitely not. It was the sound of trees crashing to the ground. I turned my head so fast that if I were weak, my neck would have snapped. And there it was. Towering above the trees was a monster. One so odd, so terrifying, that no words could describe it. It was big, about twice as tall as the huge trees, and it was bad. It wasn’t humanoid, and hardly animoid, if that’s a word. It’s steps from its seven bulky legs vibrated the entire planet. Something like this could not have existed on Earth. No wonder they put me out for the Airplane ride…

The monster was farther than I thought at the beginning. Now that it was closer, it looked three times the size of the trees. I thought about whether they wanted to train me, or kill me. But then again, they do expect me to go against the universe’s strongest beings, so they’d have high expectations. I thought for about two seconds what I’d have to do. I’d use my above average speed and stamina to run up to the beast, my above average climbing skills to climb the beast, and my above average general knowledge of anatomy to know where to stab the beast. I had a sword, but that wasn’t important until the beast came.

I climbed on and on, first up one of the scaly legs, which was like climbing a palm tree. Then, I finally made it to the hairy, not furry, body. I grabbed on to the hair, and let my feet dangle as I slowly inched higher up the beast, until it was a good angle to climb normally. Man, was this thing ugly. By the time I finally made it past what seemed like multiple terrains, I was at the head. I wondered where the beast was walking as I rested on its head, planning my next moves. Out in the distance, there was a big city. I no longer wondered where the beast was going.

It was moving fast. The city was getting closer and closer as I stood on the head in disbelief. I snapped back to reality. I stabbed it in the head, and there went gravity. Oh, the beast was mad at me! I landed hard on the beast’s back after falling off of its head. My sword was sticking out of the top of its head as it thrashed and thrashed,trying to get the illusion of me off of its head. I grabbed my hunting knife. Upon stabbing the beast, I realised that the huge knife couldn’t do as much as penetrate the skin. At least I had a hatchet! I hacked away at its back, leaving a giant crater. The blood leaked and sprayed out. I was painted cyan with blood. The head thrashed more and more. There were no vital organs where I was, so I needed to go back to the head. It thrashed and thrashed as I climbed and climbed, hardly grabbing onto the nasty hairs of its neck. By the time I made it to the top, its back was dripping pools and pools of blood. I used the sword as a handhold, trying to still grab on as the beast tried to make me not grab on. I pulled the sword out, and strategically climbed over to where the eye was. I stabbed the eye, and with the biggest head-bang I’d ever seen, I was flung away.

I came crashing through the roof of what seemed like a warehouse. I landed on some random dude, breaking his neck.

“Oh, jeez, man! Are you okay?” I asked dumbly. He was dead. I looked to my right, and I saw the Justice League of America, all pinned down by bad guys. Everyone was looking at me, when suddenly Catwoman attacked. Suddenly it was a full-fledged war, and I just stood awkwardly as the opposers got absolutely dominated and obliterated. I looked down, at the person I had killed. They were the head of the Secret Organisation (what an uncreative name)! The head bad guy! I had accidentally saved the day!

“Congratulations,” Colonel Waller said, “My reports say that you killed the Confriggle-Fraggle, and you also saved us all. You are now officially the first Canadian member of the Justice League of America!”


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