Lost Boy.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: May 02, 2017

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Submitted: May 01, 2017

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I am all alone, lost, and confused. I put my mask on and smile, I pretend to be okay. So no one will bother me. So I don't have to deal with liars, pretending to care about me and help me. I am just a lost cause. I am broken beyond repair so don't try to pry me open and fix me. Don't pity me and look down upon me. I don't need you or your words of hope. Stop telling me that I will be okay. Because i feel trapped in an abyss with demons clouding my head. A swarm of dark thoughts ravaging my brain. I am standing on the edge, looking down at the bottom. Would anyone care if i tried to fly today? Maybe my wings will spread. Or maybe my blood will spread along the concrete. I try to imagine who would care if they had heard that I was non existant. The expression of living on through others wouldn't apply to me. Who would carry on memories of me? Keep me in their heart?  The only thing left to show i ever existed would be a plain gravestone and a pile of bones. And eventually even my gravestone will decay and wither away like a forgotten memory. All I ever wanted was to have someone to care about me, to love me and accept me for who i am. I wasn't actually ever broken, I was just neglected and alone. I was just a lost boy, looking for something, something that would make me feel meaningful. These darks thoughts still running as i write my feelings onto the page. I think to myself "I hope you guys feel bad for letting my heart and spirit bleed onto this concrete." This cruel insidious thought scares me. A chilling numbness and murk running through me as i dive and feel the wind in my hair. But i don't think i will mind the fall into a dark and empty void without anymore pain or loneliness.


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