Not Long Ago

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Paige Marston
About a little something about me that I didn't know what to do with.

Submitted: May 04, 2017

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Submitted: May 04, 2017

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Authors Note: This is something that I have just put out there. I havent editted it at all I can't really bring myself to do so.

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I am not insane or mad nor do I suffer from PTSD. I just gave a specific problem which I have only ever told one person. The one person who i thought would give me reassurance that I would be alright, that everything would be just fine; eventually. But it seems that I was wrong.

 

There I laid sharing a bed with my brother, sobbing against the wall as I shook violently; staring at the three worded reply from my friend after I had spilled my guts on what transpired that night. Im sorry Paige-  I stuffed the phone under my brothers pillow not wanting to reply back. I leaned back against the wall and as I stared at door way hoping that all the shuffling from the other side wouldn’t dare come in. Seconds past when there stood before me, and my sleeping brother, the man that I despised the most. (Whose name is not worth sharing).

 

“Sleeping in our brothers bed!?” It was more of a statement then a question. I shrugged my shoulders at him and replied with a quiet yeah and with that he left the room. More sobs came and faded away as the night dragged on. I adjusted my self so that i was facing the wall putting my forehead against it to cool down; still slightly shaking. 

 

When I heard the car doors shut and the house door open then close. My mother was finally home. But the thought of telling her over whelmed me as questions flew through my mind. Should I tell her? Should I keep this to myself? What could happen if I kept to myself? About an hour later I worked up the courage to speak with my mother about what transpired while she was gone. Quietly I lifted myself off the bed not to wake my brother. I hesitated before walking out into the kitchen where my mom was. Tears started to fall as my mother looked at me and as I noticed the man reasonable for my pain standing a few feet behind her.

 

“Whats wrong?” She asked me. I hesitated multiple times before telling her what happened. 

 

I was unconsentualy, inappropriately touched by a 26 year old adult while I laid in bed waiting for the sleep to take over.

 

A voice spoke up from behind my mother. “I knew something like this would come up. The second I saw her crying.” I glimpsed back at him with hatred in my eyes. My mother took me to her room to talk about what exactly happened to what I had said. I tried my best to explain using the fewest words possible not wanting to remember the awful things that happened to me hours ago. I looked up into her eyes to notice that not only was I crying but she was also holding back tears that had formed. “Im always on your guys side no matter what happens.” She told me. She sent me to bed after us three had a talk which I blocked out not wanting to speak to him or here the pathetic words that he had to say. 

 

It was all up to me wether or not I wanted him gone or not. I was in the right mind to think right now so I shrugged, Telling my mom that I absolutely did not care. Knowing that I desperately gone but whats the point of making someone leave when you know that they will be back sooner or later.

 

Later I went to bed bring my dog, Rayne Beau to bed with me since mom told me to bring her along. My mom came into my room a while later asking me once more that he would leave if that is what I wanted. She explained to me that he didn’t mean to touch me that he was trying to reach out to shake my butt to see if I was awake. But I knew that was a lie. Once again I told her I did not care.

 

She told me that he has left for a few days that way I did not have to see him when I woke up the next morning. I slept through the rest of the night feeling the slightest bit better the next morning.

 

It was about a month or so before things went back to normal. Well sort of. We hardly spoke to each other or hugged said byes what ever it was that people did through out the days. There was one thing that I knew for sure. I seriously hated him and I would for the rest of the days that I would have to see him.

 

*****Time pasted******

 

He is always trying to hug me every time he sees me and lift me off the floor like I'm one of his girl friends. But I don’t allow it. I repeatedly punch him or give him a harsh no. Laughing afterwards at my stupidity because I usually don’t snap at people. Other days I just finish what ever it was that I was doing and walk away right after. After time I realize that I think that he is getting the hint that I want nothing more then for him to leave my alone. For one time he even asked me if I don't like giving him lovings. As he says it. 

 

I lied not wanting the conversation to go any farther then a no. 

 

The emotions that explain my days since that day would be;

Hatred for him.

Regret for ever being part of the reason that they met.

Sadness when I find myself thinking back on that day.

Confusion to why it is that he treats me differently then my other siblings.

Joy/Happiness. I feel lucky to have that one friend, Joseph Moore, to hang and talk with me when ever I need to get out of the house or talk about things that I know cant really be shared with others with out them day oh I’m sorry you had to go through that.


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