it goes on..

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: May 04, 2017

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Submitted: May 04, 2017




A word consists of four letters that has a million different definitions, a word that has very strong decisive meanings.

I bet that no one can live without love, and by love I don’t intentionally mean the “man-woman relationship” but love for your family, career, pets or anything that comes to your mind.

As a supposedly adult Egyptian girl, I think it takes a very strong woman to live without a man even if she achieved the highest level in her career, there comes a time and she breaks down not because she’s weak but because everyone needs someone to lean on, even men need women to lean on.

When it doesn’t work out with someone, it’s common to think, “What’s wrong with me?” You self-diagnose that there must be something you messed up in the dating dance. Perhaps you said the wrong thing, appeared too eager, moved too fast, moved too slow… the list goes on. You think: if only this happened or didn’t happen, then perhaps he’d still like me.

But here’s the thing. You could have said all the right things. You could have had impeccable timing and the best hair day in history – but none of those matters because at the end of the day, people connect (or don’t connect) based on an energy exchange.

Beginnings are fragile. And when it doesn’t work out the way you imagined, it can be disappointing and confusing. Rejection is a challenging emotion to deal with. You cannot help but wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” We replay and rewind, dissecting each text message and looking for signs in an attempt to piece together what went wrong. 

I have a serious question, why do we always love the one who don’t give us his all and ignore the one who gives us everything we need?

Such an irony for me to feel that way.

There was once a point in time where you were deep in the throws of love, and it was as if your partner could do no wrong. You integrate into each others’ lives, you laugh, you play… you love.

Then time goes by, and for whatever reason, the relationship doesn’t last. You break up.

The pain, the hurt, the rejection and the fear – they bring out the worst in you. Soon a side of you reveals itself that you never knew even existed. And in the midst of another screaming match with your ex, you wonder – where in the world did this all go wrong? How did love suddenly turn into…hate?

It is such a shame that couples choose to end a relationship in this way. It doesn’t have to be. It’s a choice. If you are honest with yourself and resist pride and ego take control, you will find compassion, empathy and care. Because love doesn’t disappear just because the titles have. That love may take different forms, and it may hide deep in the trenches of your heart when you’re hurt. But it’s there – even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

You see, when you love someone, despite the arguments or mistakes, it doesn’t make you love that person any less. True, that love may eventually fade through time, but it doesn’t turn off like that of a light switch. If it did, then it probably wasn’t real love to begin with.

After a breakup, you realize that on top of losing your romantic partner, you lose many other aspects of your life as well. Topping the list: community, family, companionship, security, stability, and the hardest one of them all –  your sense of home.

It’s a scary feeling facing these losses when you’ve invested your energy and heart in creating these parts of your life with another person. Sometimes as a result of integrating two lives in a relationship, you lose some of your own individuality. So when the two of you detach from each other, it feels like parts of your being have been ripped apart. It feels like a large part of you is missing and suddenly, it’s as if you are no longer whole.

These moments feel terribly painful. But, remember, there was once a “you” before you, became a “we”. You’ll recall that there was a time where you were fully whole – without anyone completing you. There was once a time that you created community, family, stability, and security – all on your own. That you are still there. It may have leaned on the energy of another for a while, but that strength and independence is still within you. It always has been.

Why do great women pick people who treat them poorly? Smart, beautiful, incredible individuals – who give 110% to a man who in return, are only half-vested, part-time, and approach the relationship with a “me”, not “we” mentality.

While your friends see that your relationship is unhealthy, and your rational mind does too, you just can’t seem to get out.  You know deep down inside that the person is not right for you, but make justifications and excuses over and over again.  You stay. You try harder. You’re hooked.

Why does this happen?

You meet the man of your dreams. As he courts you, he showers you with attention and affection. He woos you with flowers, surprises you with incredibly fun dates. He’s handsome, smart, and thoughtful. He’s everything you dreamed of…in the beginning.

Fast forward two years. Your once “dream man” now works all the time. When he does have a spare moment, he’s doing “boys night” or downing a beer while watching the game. No roses, no romance, and definitely no more spontaneity. Does this scenario sound familiar to you?

Why is it that often, people put their best foot forward in the beginning of a relationship only to minimize that effort as time passes?

Call it laziness, human nature or a lack of experience. But whatever you do, do not believe that the relationship crash was inevitable, and that it wasn’t a choice. Because it was. Not putting your partner as a top priority and being proactive in nurturing and feeding your relationship is a choice, and that choice has consequences. I’ve met many people that only realize they need to step up their game when there is a threat of losing the other person. And usually, by that time, it’s too late. The damage is done. There are too many weeds in the garden for anything healthy to bloom anymore.

Just because you’ve found “the one” and you’re comfortable and content, doesn’t mean it goes on cruise control. You need to constantly put in effort and TRY. This also applies to friendships, to any close relationship actually.

Don’t let any one thing be your everything. Set yourself up so when life throws a curveball at you, you aren’t completely wiped off your feet.

It’s easier said than done, but if you try to act with love instead of fear, you always end up winning.

I used to think that endings were a bad thing. But I’m starting to realize, sometimes endings are just new beginnings in disguise and it always goes on.

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