About 4:00

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Part 1 of a short story, describing her first time.

Submitted: May 07, 2017

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Submitted: May 07, 2017



She barely hesitated when he asked if she was ready, she just nodded, her eyes and mind were elsewhere. She then held her breath, hoping it'd remove her from this everlasting moment, it made her feel as if she were gradually disappearing from this craved torture. His large, hot hands gripped tighter on her hips. Soon she'd cry "No!!" in her head and wish she'd taken her time and got what she wanted, and go back and own herself again. To a moment of time where she could talk. Loving him was killing her, all this she was so unaware of. He destroyed her mentality, she felt she could never be mended. The thick gunks of runny blood dripped down her inner thighs, her hands tugged back towards him, her chest lifted and her heart pounded rapidly. His dominance overpowered her independence, a feeling so undesirable yet sadly ached for. Little did she know that she would no longer be who she is, who she was.

Maybe that was the only good thing? Her shallow confidence boosted her into that uncomfortable situation, but she grew into someone so aware of herself, and everyone. But maybe she misunderstood him? She grew into someone so loved, however she shared that love in the wrong way, still fragile to say "No" to the good ones who made their way to her. Her eyes wandered onto several others, so unintentionally and so meaningless, but they landed on one, yet her mind was always with him. His power, his ability to come back- so demanding. Confused she was. An incredible stoic she grew into. A permanent mask, a strong self-fulfilling individual. But then, and only then did she find the one worthy of her independence, her full self and her aspirations. Her supporter, who only came back with good intentions, with love, and with attacthment. Her pupils engage from the thought of him, her heart lathers. Almost immediatley she wished it were his hot hands who had been the first to grab her hips. His gentle torture she had experienced right from the start. She wished his and her innocence would've played together, but it'd soon be his innocence playing alone with her messed-up guilt, but still with a hunk of her love and several more to come.

She felt so happy, so full. Imagine this; someone who's open, someone who cares, someone who want's you. All good deeds and you want them too. It seems they're emotionally available however they're always actively engaged, which of course she understood. She always told him she's here for anything, but he didn't ask her for much. She knew he was always there for her, but the general conversation they had didn't happen often nor for long.

She gave attention to those who needed it, like friends. She didn't get much back for someone who depended on it. She depended on the attention she recieved to balance her emotions. Its okay to be an attention-seeker, for good intentions only. She mostly got attention from good people, mostly from the ones who liked her, wanted to get to know her, who she saw as friends and who fell for her. She was an unintentional person. Not a lot changed for her. She wants to get the right one for her, she still wants to prove shes the right one for him. Her pupils still engage, her heart still lathers.

© Copyright 2019 Jay Elizabeth. All rights reserved.

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