Tired

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Venting... Emotionally tired, to explain the title.

Submitted: May 07, 2017

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Submitted: May 07, 2017

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The other day I read this quote from Sylvia Plath. "I am now flooded with despair, almost hysteria, as if I were smothering. As if a great muscular owl were sitting on my chest, its talons clenching & constricting my heart."

Unfortunately, I can relate.

I'm currently laying in bed, emotionally exhausted. I've been happy for awhile, and all of that came crashing down last night. My parents were yelling at me, basically attacking my abilities and character. How I'm a bitch, lazy, disrespectful, you name it. It was frustrating because I couldn't point out how they've hurt me, as that would just create more conflict. When asked something along the lines of, "what are you going to do with your life?", I muttered that I would probably just end up killing myself. 

I was reaching, I'll admit. I wanted to say something extreme that would get them to understand how I feel. How they can manage to make me feel so low and hopeless that suicide seems like the only option. I wanted them to care. 

My Mom scoffed. My Dad basically told me to go ahead, and also added that if I were to kill myself, that would just mean he wasted his time parenting me. 

Now I can't get the thought of suicide out of my head. I can't help but imagine the different ways of doing so... This isn't the first time I've felt like this, but the pain is still just as intense.

I don't have anybody to talk to about this, so I'm venting through my writing.

Frankly, I don't know what I'm going to do.

~Lily

 


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