Life Of A Depressed Boy

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: May 08, 2017

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Submitted: May 08, 2017

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My Life

 Been throgh my life living a painfull lie, the same lie that everyone always says, “ho you will be fine”, “it’s just a fase, nothing else, you will get better”.

 All my life heard that, but after all this time i am not okey, im not well, i know that but still i show to others a person i realy am not. I show them the person they want to see, the person they think it’s okey, while on the inside im dying, dying a slow and painfull death.

 I suffer from depression, i dont feel loved, i dont feel needed, all i feel is like trash, like crap, a waste of resourses. I wan’t to die, i want to disapear and never show up again, but even if i disapear, what will that acomplish?

 All it will do is just make things bad for those who realy like me, those who always loved me but didn’t do anything to try and fix me, i’ll still be alone, feel like crap, and i will still want to kill myself.

 Even if i run away, if i finaly do what i want, i will always be alone, ill never have anyone there for me, no one to support me, no one to hug or kiss me when i need the most, no one to say “I need you”.

 I went all my life, ever since i was a kid, separated from everyone, alone in the middle of the croud, separeted from my generation, never confortable around my “friends” or around anyone.

 I want love, i want to feel loved, i am not well, i know that, i know i need help, and i know my friends and family know that, and yet all they do is just sit there and watch has i am starting to fade away.

 

Love Life

 

I had her, i don’t know what i did but i lost her, i feel like i lost her thanks to what i am, thanks to the way i feel, the way i do things and that threw me back in here, the only person who gave me light now shadows me, she dosn’t give me collor anymore, for some reason the life she gave me disappeared, i feel like dying, i feel like our relationship is dying, and all thanks to me for being useless, for being a bad boyfriend, for not being good enough for her.

 All i wanted was to be happy, happy with her and now all i am i sad and lost, once again, e feel like i lost her, i lost her love, i lost my heart and my reason to live again, im back to stage one, the stage where all i wanted to do was die, die thanks to being worthless, a piece of garbage, not good enough for anyone, left alone in the dark surrounded by darkness and coldness.

Did i do anything wrong? Did i?

I dont think i did, i gave her love, i gave her all my affection, i did more than what i could to make her happy, and now she asked to leave me, i dont understand, i dont understand because i did all i could, so why even after i did all i could why is she leaving me, why!

I dont want to be alone anymore, i miss her love, her affection, i miss the only time i felt alive and never depressed, i miss my inexistence, the only time i believe i was truly alive was with her, and now im about to die, for real.


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