Your Daily Self-Esteem Killing Habit

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Ever wonder why you are so hard on your own body? Why no matter how hard you try you just can't love your body the way it is? I might have the answer for you and as bad as the title sounds it is DEFINITELY not all of your fault. (Btw this is more geared towards woman...sorry boys!)

Submitted: May 10, 2017

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Submitted: May 10, 2017



I think every girl has had this scenario go down in her bathroom before, at least once if not a dozen times. You’re walking in to grab the Chap-stick you forgot or you’re just passing by your bathroom mirror for the heck of it all. In the process of it all you happen to catch a glimpse of yourself and you are looking mighty fine, honey! 


So, you start posing just a little. Then, as a woman you look down at your girls and starting fondling them a little bit. Which is in your right because they are yours and yours alone (unless you’re married of course) and you can explore your body as much as your heart desires. But you aren’t doing it for physical pleasure this time. You just happen to be looking fine like a weekend summer day with sweetened ice tea. In that moment, you’re a burlesque star and you’re giving yourself a show. So, you take down your pajama shorts a little and pull up your oversized Beatles t-shirt giving yourself Jessica Rabbit glances in the mirror. You drink in the gloriousness of your beautiful hot bod. You wonder why there aren’t hordes of French artists beating at your door and tossing pebbles at your window just to win a chance to paint or sculpt the beauty before your own eyes. In short, you’re feeling yourself. As the show continues for the next few minutes you look at your breasts again but this time they look kind of lopsided, too large, too small, too pointy, too saggy. You try to go on with the show but you glance at yourself and this time your stomach is beginning to look gross and your eyes travel up to your breasts again. Ugh, they are not worth being shown! You yank down your Beatles shirt quickly to hide you’re “too-something-of-this-that-or-the-other” breasts. You notice your butt now, the once cute little hiney you were wiggling around for yourself is now too flat, too large, too oddly shaped. You frantically pull your shorts up, cross your arms in front of you, and skulk out of the bathroom. Defeated. Defeated once again by your own mental abuse upon yourself.  


How is it possible for a situation like that to turn on you so quickly and in all honesty way too naturally? It comes in one word simply, comparison. But just for my own rants sake I’m going to continue with the reasoning’s over this. Comparison is the root of discontent, self-hatred, and sadness. The definition of comparison is the act or process of comparing: such as an examination of two or more items to establish similarities and dissimilarities. Harmless enough, right? But when you apply it to personal self-esteem the results are telling and most of the time sinister.


Right now, you’re either right there with me or you’re saying to yourself that you don’t compare yourself to others. For the people that agree with me bear with me so I can take a minute to talk straight to the other half. For those of you who think I might be a little off the mark or completely off of it I don’t believe you realize how often you do it on purpose or by accident. But let’s assume that you do it on accident. I’ll speak for myself. I used to have a bit of a bad habit that I would exercise quite regularly on the daily. It started in the morning, I would roll over grab my phone and empty my snapchat feed. While I munched on breakfast I would scroll through scores of facebook posts that were mostly either griping or accomplishment announcements. There were a few jokes and a couple daily dribbles from “those friends”. On my work breaks I was flying through Instagram posts loving my friend’s shoes, ogling the fitness girls wishing I was more motivated and my breasts sat just a little higher, and silently judging/being jealous of the Kardashian/Jenner’s. I’ve never actually used it or condoned it but for the sake of being relatable I end the night with a good ol’ round of self-esteem boosting Tinder.  The next day I get up and my exact same routine seems different. Everyone looked great on snapchat while I looked like a potato. All the accomplishment announcements started to rub me the wrong way. Why was SHE getting married? She’s not even cute. Where’s my modern Romeo? I’m way prettier and nicer than her. THAT GIRL is going on vacation again? How does she afford any of this? I work just as hard. Instagram kindled my annoyance. My friend probably spent HER entire paycheck on those shoes. I have more sense than to do something like that. THAT GIRL with the amazing body probably has no social life. I have too many friends to even consider going to the gym that much. And I roll my eyes at the crap those celebrities spend money on. So, what if they’re pretty and rich karma’s coming for them. I smirk to myself and brandish out my phone to bask in the glow of my full Tinder inbox. I scroll through the peasants’ pleas while I look for those drop-dead model-esque guys that I matched with last night. My smirk slowly fades as none of those guys sent me a message. A full inbox with no suitable suitors. I shove my phone in my pocket. They probably messaged the fitness girl or one of those prettier girls I follow on my snapchat. Clearly, I’m not good enough.


If that illustration doesn’t strike you feel free to stop reading. It’ll only waste your time. If you can relate to this than I’ll continue! As women, we are comparing ourselves to others daily and sometimes maliciously. It can be subconsciously but there is no way to do it and not to hurt yourself. Role models are one thing but this petty comparison of our bodies, our social media status, the likes our pictures receive or the views we get on snap. It’s all such absolute ridiculousness and selfishness!! No good fruit comes from this behavior. Statistics say that facebook, Instagram, and snapchat regular users are significantly unhappier than people who do not regularly use social media. Forbes had an article on the findings of Dr. Primak’s on this matter. He found that his study showed “that compared against users that viewed social media less frequently, participants that use social media very frequently have 2.7 times the likelihood of depression. And compared to people that spent less time, participants that spent the most total time on social media throughout the day had 1.7 times the risks of depression” (links below to studies). And in Medical New Today they printed in their article this static, “The survey found that 53% of participants said social media sites had changed their behavior, while 51% of these said the change had been negative.”.


Do what you will those statistics and change your social media presence and usage if you believe them. I GAURANTEE YOU limiting your social media use will make you happier and much more confident. Take my word for it or don’t.


Don’t worry though ladies, I’m not just accusing you guys for your lack of confidence in your body and beauty. It’s the men’s turn. Men, I just want to state right now for the most part I love you guys. You guys add that silliness and security to a woman’s life that she needs but I hate to break it to you guys…. YOU MEN CAN BE INSUFFERABLE JERKS! I’m speaking for the majority of men in 2017 whether your young or old this type of man is prevalent. Men will spend hours a week (I’m being gracious by not saying daily) watching porn and picking for themselves their “personal flavor”. And after discovering this woman any other woman falls short. Whether your type is BBW or ultra-petite you will find that body type or race of woman that tickles your fancy with a single search. Nothing’s wrong with having a type such as brunette, blonde, tall, short, a little bigger, a little smaller but when you get down to the type of nipple shape, butt size, pierced ta-ta’s, how well she rides it, you sir are gross and insatiable. Not only do you have the audacity to compare women mentally but you sleep with a woman and then belittle her body. That previous sentence is foul. You men have zero right to push your sinful secrets onto women. Same goes for men who get their body type preferences from those rappers who would prefer all plastic women so their fragile male esteem can be held in tact by the “perfect woman”. You rappers are also pathetic. Find something to rap about that edifies the woman doesn’t tear her down for not laying under a knife for your own selfish satisfaction. And men, find something to listen to that doesn’t give ovation to that type of nonsense. But if you agree with this body ideal that a knife is better than the woman in front of you that was designed and created by God I feel so sorry for you. And women, run away from these men. Block men who post about this on Instagram, snapchat, twitter, or facebook with the SWIFTNESS! Don’t let that Neanderthal mentality anywhere near your precious mental space or heart. Delete the music that makes you wonder about getting surgery out of your phone with the SWIFTNESS! No beat is worth that bullshit. Excuse my language. If he thinks he’s justified in watching porn habitually…Get away from this man with THE SWIFTNESS. Do not let these man-boys compare you anywhere on their barometer. You’re better than that by intelligent design. Respect yourself and demand it back. Not by tearing down men, not by being mean, but by having the peace within yourself to dismiss those men who would try you.


All of that also to say MEN are not anything like THOSE BOYS. There are good, smart, respectful, gentleman out there with the utmost respect for what they view, listen to, and ultimately for you. Are they hard to find nowadays? Yes. Are they few and far between? Ugh, yesssss. Are they work to get used to after being mentally and physically abused by past men who didn’t respect your mind or body? Actually, yes. Are they worth it? Oh, gosh yes! Men, I love the lot of you who aren’t doing what is easy in current times. Women, hold out for these men. Hold out for that one!


Now I’m going to add one last scenario to tie this up. It’s the anti-comparison imaginative that I’m going to gift to you that I use in the mirror when I begin picking apart my body. I’m in the Jessica Rabbit scene again. But this time I’m a free-spirited woman from the 1870’s and it’s a scorching hot summer day. I’ve been wandering the woods behind my home and this time is the time I’ve explored deeper than I ever have before. I haven’t heard a sound that isn’t purely of nature for hours. Roaring water begins to make its way to my ears and I chase it. I chase the sound jumping over fallen logs and yanking branches out of my way until I run into the clearing where a small waterfall had been formed. I begin ripping my dress off; the cool water seducing me with its promise of relief from the hot day. I wade in and the water caresses my skin. I stand under the water fall letting the strong pressure of the water massage me. Unbeknownst to me a handsome stranger lost in the forest with his horse accidently stumbles upon me. He is a gentleman and would never do anything crass to me but he can’t help the vision. To him, I’m gorgeous. I’m a mythical forest nymph. The woman’s body was unlike anything he’d ever seen or could have imagined. The way my hair cascades over my breasts, the size of my hips, the way my butt sits, the whole seen makes his entire body tingle. It was a vision for him.


You know why it was a such a glorious vision for a man of the 1800’s? Because it was something you didn’t see on a daily basis. It wasn’t something you could just simply google if you wanted too. It was beautiful. And natural. And off limits. There were always the men who would go to the sleazy clubs of the day. But, for the most part, a woman’s body was not something you had the privilege to see if you were a true man. And no matter what the body type was it was absolutely beautiful and turned those men on because at the base of his genetics is the desire for a woman’s body. And even more beautiful very few were able to compare one woman’s naked body to another.


In short, I believe the way to truly have self confidence in your body is for you not to compare it to others and not to allow others to compare your body either. Which you can do easily by limiting what you post and how long you’re on social media. Another is dressing just sexy enough. A man cannot compare your breasts, waist, or legs very well if he doesn’t get to see them in all their glory. I am NOT saying to dress like Mother Theresa. I’d be a hypocrite if I said that plus this girl likes to get cute, honey! All I’m saying is dress with the idea that the more you let be a mystery the more intriguing you are. You might lose some of those pervy old men who creepily and quite obviously gawk you. Or those men who yell “aye ma!” out their car windows as they pass you. But if you’ll honestly miss that…. I’m sorry, can’t relate. Or you might (most likely will) lose those likes on photos and that social media attention but to me, that’s a price I’m willing to pay. The way you’ve been doing this allows for immediate gratification followed by low self-esteem. The way you COULD be doing this will albeit by harder but it will also significantly change your life for the better and improve your self-esteem, confidence, and happiness. And it’s completely up to you to experiment with it or not.

I certainly hope you do :)



(PS: I want to make it clear this in no way in support of the new body positivity agenda. Your body is beautiful when it is natural and health. So, if you are unnaturally skinny from anorexia or bulimia, I am not in support of that. If you are unnaturally obese from not taking care of yourself, I am not in support of that. I am though in support of healthy woman of all shapes and sizes!)


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