The Donahues Movie

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In the first ever Donahues movie, Sarah goes missing without a trace! And Ryan takes it into his own hands to go and find her. Meanwhile, Ethan is trying desperately to re-connect with his aloof son.

Submitted: May 12, 2017

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Content

Submitted: May 12, 2017

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THE DONAHUES MOVIE

 

“PARENTHOOD”

 

RATED R

 

“I’m worn, tired of my mind, I’m worn out, thinking of why, I’m always so unsure”

  • Beth Gibbons

 

(We start with a static shot of the Donahue household, from the street. A few cars fly by. The camera gradually zooms in on the window to Ryan’s room. Ryan is seen lying in bed. Cut to an overhead shot of Ryan asleep in bed, with headphones in his ears. Metal music is playing through them. Ryan is shirtless. Ryan wakes up and takes off his headphones)

 

RYAN: Ugh. Fuck. When will I remember to take these out? I’m tired of the nightmares.

 

(Ryan lethargically emerges from bed, as “Goth Bomb” by Ariel Pink begins playing. He walks to his bathroom, as a morning routine montage ensues. We see Ryan tousling his hair around, and messing his hair up, and then using a little mouthwash. And then chugging the mouthwash. We cut to him showering, masturbating in the shower, then emerging from the shower, grabbing a towel and washing off his naked body. Then we cut to him straightening his hair, applying eye shadow, then finally putting on a black t-shirt for the band “NAILS”, some skinny jeans, and VANS sneakers. As the song ends, Ryan walks downstairs to see Kimberly drinking coffee in the kitchen)

 

KIMBERLY: Morning, sweetie!

 

RYAN: Hi.

 

(Kimberly puts her coffee down on the counter, and walks up to Ryan)

 

KIMBERLY: Your father’s been calling.

 

RYAN: About what? Does he want a favor? I don’t have much influence with the Mayor ever since I dumped his daughter.

 

KIMBERLY: No, Ryan. He wants to reach out to you. He feels like he’s not a part of your life.

 

RYAN: He feels accurately. (Ryan walks over to the couch, sits down, and gets on his phone. The camera shoots Ryan head-on, with Kimberly standing behind him, looking disappointed) We don’t have a relationship for a reason.

 

KIMBERLY: Think about it from his perspective, Ryan.

 

RYAN: I don’t know if I’m amoral enough to get into such a head space. And that’s a lot coming from me.

 

KIMBERLY: Where is this coming from?

 

(Ryan stands up and faces Kimberly)

 

RYAN: Because I’m tired of this song and dance! He seems to “reach out” and “extend an olive branch” every couple of weeks, but in reality, he doesn’t really give a shit. It’s just short-term guilt.

 

KIMBERLY: He’s very busy being a city councilman, Ryan.

 

RYAN: You’re right, that’s hard work. My bad.

 

(Ryan sits down)

 

KIMBERLY: Do you think it’s easy?

 

RYAN: Mom, politics is bullshit. The President is a reality show host.

 

KIMBERLY: Just have lunch with your father. For me.

 

(Ryan sighs)

 

RYAN: I wish I was a teenager still, so guilt trips wouldn’t work on me.

 

KIMBERLY: Teens are psycho monsters, it’s true.

 

(Ryan stands up and faces Kimberly)

 

RYAN: I’ll call him.

 

(Kimberly kisses Ryan on the cheek. Ryan nods his head and walks away. Cut to a claustrophobic shot of Ethan’s face)

 

ANELLA: (Off screen) Goddamnit, Ethan! Do I even matter to you anymore?! I’m sick and tired of being your, your, your side hoe! I’m supposed to be your main bitch now!! God, you’re too old to even understand that, aren’t you?! (The shot slowly widens, as Ethan looks in Anella’s general direction) You’re married to your work and you don’t show any affection towards me anymore! It’s like I’m dating a eunuch! Fuck, I’m bored!

 

(A door can be heard slamming, as we have zoomed out enough to see Ethan’s torso, and his hands resting on the couch in his apartment. He sighs, picks up the remote, and flips on the TV. Cut to Ethan sitting at a booth in Bernie’s Grinders. A waiter, with a big smile, comes over to him)

 

WAITER: You gonna be here by yourself, sweetheart? It’s okay if you are!
 

ETHAN: No, I’m waiting for my son. And it wouldn’t be okay if it was just me. That’d be really sad.

 

WAITER: I don’t judge people.

 

ETHAN: I do. I like it.

 

(Awkward silence, as Ethan stares at the waiter with a judging eye, and the waiter gets increasingly uncomfortable)

 

WAITER: …Can I get you coffee?

 

ETHAN: Yes, please.

 

(The waiter smiles and walks away. Ryan walks into the diner wearing sunglasses, takes them off, and turns to Ethan. He then walks over and sits down across from him)

 

RYAN: Hey.

 

ETHAN: You looked like the Terminator for a second there, Ryan.

 

(Ethan chuckles)

 

RYAN: Cool. What do you want?

 

ETHAN: You’re on Spring Break right?

 

RYAN: Yeah. Which means I have parties to ruin with my emotional instability. So, let’s- (Ryan points to his wrist) hurry this up.

 

ETHAN: Fine, I’ll get to the point. (Ethan sighs) Anella is pissed at me. She’s a young person, so I thought you might have some insight into how they think.

 

RYAN: …Mom said this was an attempt to reach out to me.

 

ETHAN: It is! Don’t get me wrong, but while you’re here-

 

RYAN: Ethan, I can’t even solve my own relationship problems, so what could I do for yours?

 

ETHAN: …Did you just call me “Ethan”?

 

RYAN: Oh, my apologies, “Councilman Donahue”.

 

(Ethan furrows his brow)

 

ETHAN: Is there something wrong, Ryan?

 

RYAN: I’m tired of these half-assed attempts to reach out. I’m sorry. Maybe we’ll just have to accept how we’re just, fundamentally different people.

 

(Ethan leans forward)

 

ETHAN: …You came out of my balls!

 

RYAN: I’ll see you around, Councilman.

 

(Ryan gets up, puts his sunglasses on, and walks away. Ethan rubs his temples, as Ryan walks off-screen, and the shot lingers on Ethan for a few seconds. Cut to a shot of the side of a cheap apartment building in Amherst, Massachusetts at night. Sarah emerges from the building, wearing a hoodie and a back pack, crying. She walks towards the camera with great urgency. She takes a piece of paper out of her pocket and throws it angrily on the ground. It quickly blows away in the wind as Sarah passes the camera. Cut to Mayor Satch sitting behind his desk, peeling the plastic cover off a Stouffer’s Lasagna. Conan walks in)

 

CONAN: Mr. Mayor.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Hold on a second, Conan the Barbarian! I’m on break, and I’m ready to rip the lingerie off this Stouffer’s, if you know what I’m sayin’.

 

CONAN: Sir-

 

MAYOR SATCH: And I’m gonna use teeth.

 

CONAN: Sir, your wife just called. She’s hysterical. She says she got a call from the Amherst police department, and they say Sarah’s gone missing.

 

(Mayor Satch stands up)

 

MAYOR SATCH: What?!

 

CONAN: Yeah, she hasn’t been at her apartment in days and they can’t get in touch with her.

 

MAYOR SATCH: No, no, no, not Sar-bear! I lost her at the zoo once, and I am NOT letting it happen again. Direct the police to find her.
 

CONAN: She went missing in Massachusetts, sir, we can’t-

 

MAYOR SATCH: THEN JUST RUN AROUND SCREAMING!!!(Mayor Satch slams his fist on the desk and the camera quickly dollies in on his face) WE MUST FIND SARAH IMMEDIATELY!!!

 

(Mayor Satch runs away, screaming. Cut to Ryan and Catherine sitting in a diner. Ryan is slowly guiding his finger towards a cup of hot coffee)

 

CATHERINE: Ryan, I believe you, you can withstand a scalding hot coffee burn, you don’t need to demonstrate!
 

RYAN: Then how am I supposed to do it for everyone at the show next month!?

 

CATHERINE: You don’t NEED to!

 

(Ryan puts his hand down)

 

RYAN: If I don’t, then suddenly I’m just another pussy emo-core frontman. I might as well be from Winnipeg.

 

(Catherine laughs)

 

CATHERINE: You’re right about Winnipeg people.

 

RYAN: They fall apart like tissue paper.

 

(Catherine sips her coffee)

 

CATHERINE: Are you really gonna go to that show?

 

RYAN: I’ll be back that night. I don’t really want to drive to Burlington either, but…we need a show, we haven’t had one recently.

 

CATHERINE: It’s fine, you don’t have to come back. I’ve got a bunch of kombucha to give away anyhow.

 

RYAN: Why did you make so much?

 

(Catherine widens her eyes and puts her coffee down)

 

CATHERINE: I just can’t stop.

 

(The camera shoots Ryan and Catherine looking at one another from across the table. Then Mayor Satch bangs his body against the window, scaring the shit out of Ryan and Catherine)

 

MAYOR SATCH: SARAH’S MISSING!!! GOD HELP US!!!!

 

(Mayor Satch goes running down the street)

 

RYAN: JESUS! HE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!
 

CATHERINE: Wait, what’d he say?

 

RYAN: He said Sarah’s- (Ryan takes out his phone to see a couple of different texts from Michael, Eric, Michelle and Kimberly all saying some variation “Sarah is missing!”) …missing. Shit.

 

CATHERINE: That was your High School friend, right?

 

RYAN: …Yeah.

 

CATHERINE: Oh my God. I’m sorry, Ryan, I hope they find her. Would you have any idea where she might be?

 

(Ryan shakes his head)
 

RYAN: No.

 

CATHERINE: …Let me get the check.

 

(Catherine raises her hand, and gestures the waiter for the check. The waiter comes over)

 

WAITER: Gettin’ the check already, sweetheart?

 

CATHERINE: Yeah, I’ll just pay for the coffee.

 

RYAN: Thanks.

 

WAITER: Sure you don’t want a piece of pie?

 

RYAN: We’re sure.

 

WAITER: I’ll give you a few more minutes to decide.

 

RYAN: GET THE CHECK.

 

WAITER: Right away.

 

(The waiter walks away. Cut to Ryan sitting in Catherine’s apartment watching Rachel Maddow on MSNBC)

 

RACHEL MADDOW: What I have, right in front of me, is the single most important document since the Pentagon Papers. Specifically, there are two papers. (Rachel holds up two of President Trump’s 2005 tax returns) You should get your hopes up for this.

 

(Ryan turns the TV off)

 

RYAN: Somehow, I don’t think it’ll be worth it.

 

(Catherine walks in wearing pajamas and holding a tooth brush)

 

CATHERINE: Staying over here tonight?

 

(Ryan sighs)

 

RYAN: I don’t think so.

 

CATHERINE: You’re really going back to the dorm? At a time like this?

 

RYAN: No, Catherine, I have a bad feeling about this, and I’m gonna get to the bottom of this myself.

 

CATHERINE: The bottom of what? Where Sarah is?

 

RYAN: Yeah. Even if I can’t help out, I can at least comfort Michelle. She must be devastated right now.

 

(Catherine sighs)

 

RYAN: I’ll be right back.

 

(Ryan walks into the other room. Catherine bites her upper lip and leans on a table. Close up of her hand resting on the table. Then cut to her face, looking nervous and unsure. Cut to a shot of Ryan’s feet walking back in the room. The camera tilts upward to reveal he’s now holding a small luggage bag. He goes over to a dark, unlit corner of the apartment where his clothes are piled up, and he starts stuffing them into the bag)

 

CATHERINE: Why do you pile your clothes in the corner like that?

 

RYAN: Where would you prefer I pile them?

 

CATHERINE: I want to go with you.

 

(Ryan keeps packing, sighs, and then stands up, his upper body shrouded in darkness)

 

RYAN: …I don’t want to drag you into this. (Ryan steps out of the darkness) It’s not gonna be fun.

 

CATHERINE: I didn’t think it was gonna be a cool road trip.

 

RYAN: It’s just that, she’s my childhood friend, and I prefer to do this on my own.

 

(Catherine chokes up)

 

CATHERINE: …Promise you’ll be back soon?

 

RYAN: As soon as I can be. (Ryan walks over and hugs Catherine. Ryan sheds tears as Catherine starts crying) Shhhh… (Ryan furrows his brow as Catherine’s crying calms down) have your tits gotten smaller?

 

(Catherine lets go of Ryan and feels her breasts)

 

CATHERINE: Yeah, usually when you’re around, my, uh, my maternal instincts kick in and my breasts swell, but, right now, I don’t- I don’t feel like you’re a helpless child right now.

 

RYAN: …Well, I appreciate that.

 

(Cut to a wide shot of Ryan standing at an outside bus station at night, holding his bag. The song “Amelia” by Joni Mitchell is playing. The bus arrives, blocking view of Ryan. Cut to Ryan sitting near the back of the bus, listening to music on his iPod. We see shots of the forest flying by as the bus moves along. We see Ryan chewing his nails. Then cut to Ryan trying to sleep on the ride, before a bump in the road wakes him up, and the song stops. A bearded man in a roughed up tuxedo and straw hat sits behind him on the bus)

 

BEARDED MAN: Hey there.

 

(Ryan looks behind him)

 

RYAN: …Hi.

 

(The bearded man leans forward and rests his arms on the back of Ryan’s seat)

 

BEARDED MAN: Name’s Justin.

 

RYAN: Cool to meet you, Justin. (Ryan puts his ear buds in. Ryan then picks up his phone to press play, but his phone dies) Fuck. (Ryan pulls out the ear buds) Where’s the charging station?

 

JUSTIN: There’s no chargin’ station here, fella.

 

RYAN: What?! What kind of modern bus is this?! I’m rich, white and I want answers!

 

JUSTIN: Gonna have to entertain yourself the old fashioned way. Listening to my stories.

 

(Ryan sighs)

 

RYAN: Fine, I’ll bite. What’s your story?

 

JUSTIN: Well, I suppose my story’s ‘bout the same as anyone else’s. Boy meets girl. Boy gets big job. Boy loses girl to another girl and big job due to alcoholism.

 

RYAN: I can relate.

 

JUSTIN: I was on Broadway.

 

RYAN: …Is that right?

 

JUSTIN: Yeah. I used to play the Phantom in the Phantom of the Opera.

 

RYAN: Huh.

 

JUSTIN: Yes. I dazzled audiences. And when you get up in front of those lights, it becomes intoxicating. The attention! So I had a few dalliances. And my wife found out, left me, and became a lesbian.

 

RYAN: That is atrocious.

 

JUSTIN: I started hitting the bottle a lot, mostly because of all that media attention. And then before you know it, my boss hit ME with a bottle.

 

RYAN: Where?

 

JUSTIN: I’ll show you.

 

(Justin starts to undo his pants)

 

RYAN: Ahh-just forget it!
 

(Justin puts his hands up)

 

JUSTIN: Your loss.

 

(Justin zips his pants back up and buttons them)

 

RYAN: Were you just at prom or something?

 

JUSTIN: What are you going to Amherst for?

 

RYAN: My, uh, my friend Sarah is missing. And she lived in Amherst, so I’m trying to find, clues, I guess. I don’t know, it’s stupid.

 

JUSTIN: Who is she? A girlfriend of yours?

 

RYAN: My ex. One of many. And one of my favorites, to be honest.

 

JUSTIN: You guys keep in touch?

 

RYAN: Yeah, she didn’t go lesbo. We were friends before we started dating, I mean, we met seven years ago, and uh, we dated for a little while like four or five years ago. But to me, the best times we ever had was when we were just friends.

 

JUSTIN: Tell me about one of those times.

 

(Ryan looks at Justin)

 

RYAN: I will, but not because you ordered me to. (Ryan sighs) It was February 2012.

 

(Cut to February 2012. We are at the side of a suburban road at night time. A 2002 Nissan Altima goes zooming by. Cut to 16-year old Sarah driving 16-year old Ryan around in Amy’s car, the Nissan Altima, at night. “Bloodwound” by Devil’s Niece is playing on the stereo)

 

SARAH: How quick do you think this can go?

 

(Ryan laughs)

 

RYAN: It says “80” right there! (Ryan laughs) Your mom is so lame!
 

(Ryan takes a swig of a handle of whiskey)

 

SARAH: I should probably stop for gas.

 

(Ryan opens up Amy’s glove box)

 

RYAN: Oh my God, I guess we have what we need to pay for it!
 

(Ryan pulls out bundles of cash)

 

SARAH: Yeah, Amy doesn’t trust banks, so she keeps her money…in here.

 

RYAN: That’s not smart.

 

(Ryan puts the money back)

 

SARAH: My dad hates it.

 

(Ryan closes the glove box and swigs the whiskey)

 

RYAN: Oh shit, stop at the school, stop at the school! (Sarah laughs and pulls into the Hansbay High School parking lot. Cut to the Altima pulling up to the school. Sarah and Ryan emerge from the car and stand in front of the school. Cut to a shot of them from the back, as they look at the school. Ryan takes a swig from the bottle of whiskey) Fuck you, Hansbay High!

 

(Sarah laughs and then shushes Ryan)

 

SARAH: Quiet, we’re not supposed to be here.

 

RYAN: Who’s gonna stop us?

 

(Pan over to reveal Keith Rohrabacher, Hansbay High’s nighttime security guard)
 

KEITH: Is that a snipe at me?

 

(Ryan and Sarah jump and scream, shocked)

 

RYAN: RUN!!

 

(Ryan begins to run away, but he stumbles and trips, and lands head first into the hard concrete)

 

SARAH: Ryan!! (Sarah goes over and tries to shake Ryan awake, but he’s knocked out) Come on, wake up!!!

 

(Keith walks over. We see a low-angle shot of Sarah in front of Ryan, with Keith looming behind)

 

KEITH: You kids shouldn’t be here right now. Especially when you’re going to be taking snipes at me.

 

(Sarah turns to Keith)

 

SARAH: Sir, I don’t even know who the hell you are!

 

KEITH: And now you’re snubbing me. This night couldn’t get any worse.

 

SARAH: Please call 911, my phone is dead!

 

KEITH: Hmm. Fine.

 

(Keith takes out a very old brick phone and extends the antenna)

 

SARAH: You have to be kidding me.

 

KEITH: Not everyone can have the new 4S, okay?

 

(Cut to a POV shot of a doctor shining a light into the camera, i.e. Ryan’s face. He holds up three fingers)

 

DOCTOR: How many fingers am I holding up?

 

RYAN: Three.

 

(Cut to a shot of Ryan opening and closing his eyes, sitting upright in an emergency room bed and wearing a hospital gown. Sarah is sitting in the corner, holding the February 2012 TIME Magazine cover, which is a picture of a kid standing in a corner with the headline “The Power of Shyness”)

 

DOCTOR: What is your name?

 

RYAN: Ryan Donahue.

 

DOCTOR: What year is it?

 

RYAN: 2012.

 

DOCTOR: Who is the President?

 

RYAN: Barack Obama.

 

DOCTOR: Good. (The Doctor opens his clipboard and looks over Ryan’s chart) It says you were admitted several months ago for “exhaustion”?

 

RYAN: Yeah, I mostly just wanted attention so you can ignore that.

 

(The Doctor nods and turns to Sarah)

 

DOCTOR: Well, Mrs. Donahue, your son probably just needs to rest here overnight.

 

SARAH: Yes, my little boy has had a rough day. I think I’m gonna stay by his side for a while if that’s okay.

 

DOCTOR: No problem. By the way, you look fantastic for your age.  (The Doctor smiles) Maybe I should take that fantastic face out to dinner some time.

 

(Sarah furrows her brow, and Ryan’s eyes widen)

 

SARAH: Uhh, sorry, I’m married. To his father.

 

DOCTOR: Okay! I support a woman’s right to choose her mate! (The doctor winks) But maybe you’ll fall for my mating dance someday.

 

SARAH: See ya later, Doctor.

 

(The Doctor smiles, and leaves the room)

 

RYAN: I can’t decide which is creepier, that he was hitting on who he thought was my mom right in front of me, or that he’s attracted to a sixteen-year-old.

 

SARAH: To be fair, he thought I was thirty-five.

 

RYAN: Still though!

 

SARAH: Just rest, Ryan. I’ll see you in the morning.

 

RYAN: Okay. (Ryan lays down. Cut to a side shot of Ryan sleeping in the hospital bed. The lights are off. The camera tilts up as Sarah approaches and sits at Ryan’s bedside. She runs her fingers through his hair and looks at him with a maternal warmth. She then leans over and kisses him on the cheek. She then gets up and walks away. Ryan opens his eyes and smiles, surreptitiously. Cut to Ryan and Justin on the bus in March 2017) Yeah. That was one of my favorite memories with her. Jesus, I need to stop speaking in the past tense.

 

JUSTIN: She sounds special, my man. (The bus stops) Oh. Here’s my stop.

 

RYAN: Christ, did my story take seven hours to tell?

 

JUSTIN: No, dum-dum. My stop is in Queensbury.

 

RYAN: Oh.

 

JUSTIN: Nice to meet you, Ryan. (Justin extends his hand, and Ryan limply shakes it) Strengthen your grip.

 

RYAN: I would if I could.

 

(Justin nods, takes his stuff and begins to leave. Before he departs though, he turns around)

 

JUSTIN: The spotlight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, kid. Remember that.

 

(Ryan nods, and Justin gets off the bus. The bus begins moving again, and Ryan starts looking out the window)

 

RYAN: …Wait a minute, that guy called me “dum dum”.

 

(Cut to a wide shot the bus arriving at the Amherst, Massachusetts bus station. Ryan gets off the bus, and a few people step on to the bus. Ryan steps forward and observes his surroundings)

 

KIMBERLY: (Off-screen) Ryan, where the hell are you?

 

(Cut to Ryan in the back of an Uber, on the phone with his mom)

 

RYAN: I’m in Amherst, mom.

 

KIMBERLY: (On the phone) Why?!

 

RYAN: I’m trying to figure out what happened to Sarah.

 

(Cut to Kimberly sitting in her office, on her cell phone)

 

KIMBERLY: For God’s sake, Ryan, you’re not a private detective!
 

(Cut to Ryan)

 

RYAN: Yeah, because you refused to pay for those classes!
 

KIMBERLY: Those were just an excuse to peep on cheating couples and you know it!
 

RYAN: It was STILL valuable information!
 

(Cut to Kimberly)

 

KIMBERLY: Come home, Ryan.

 

RYAN: (On the phone) I can’t, mom. Not until I find Sarah.

 

KIMBERLY: Honey, that’s the police’s job.

 

(Cut to Ryan)

 

RYAN: They don’t know her like I know her.

 

(Ryan hangs up. Cut to Kimberly)

 

KIMBERLY: Ryan, goddamnit, come home or I will cancel your credit card!! Hello? (Kimberly looks at her phone) Little shit hung up on me.

 

(Cut to a high angle shot of the Uber arriving at Michelle’s apartment building. Ryan emerges from it)

 

RYAN: Thanks.

 

(Ryan shuts the door and looks up at the apartment building. We cut to a low angle shot behind him, which then tilts up to show the apartment building. Cut to a tight shot Michelle sitting on a mattress, watching Netflix on her laptop, in her bedroom. There are no lights on, and all of the light coming is natural light peeking from the window blinds. She has a box of tissues right next to her, she is wearing no make-up and she looks tired)

 

MICHELLE: Does it make me a white supremacist that I think this Amy Schumer special sucks? (Michelle hears a knock at the door. Michelle furrows her brow, and pulls out her switchblade. She closes her laptop, stands up and slowly makes her way towards the door. Ryan continues to knock as she does so, and there is a dolly shot following behind her. Cut to a side shot of Michelle looking through the peephole, to see Ryan standing there with an overnight bag) Ryan?

 

(Michelle opens the door. Ryan flinches)

 

RYAN: Agh! Why do you have the knife?!

 

MICHELLE: Oh. Sorry.

 

(Michelle puts the knife away)

 

RYAN: Why do you have it though?

 

MICHELLE: What are you doing here?

 

RYAN: Can I come in?

 

MICHELLE: Yeah.

 

(Ryan comes in and puts down his bag. Michelle shuts the door)

 

RYAN: You don’t have a lot of furniture, huh?

 

(Michelle walks over and stands in front of Ryan)

 

MICHELLE: Yeah, we’ve been meaning to get some for a few years now, though.

 

RYAN: Alright.

 

MICHELLE: Ryan, what are you doing here?

 

RYAN: I want to find Sarah.

 

MICHELLE: They’re looking for her.

 

RYAN: What? Did they put out an APB on a 5’5 brunette with a distinct stench of anti-freeze?

 

MICHELLE: I don’t know, they’re keeping us in the dark mostly.

 

RYAN: That’s why I want to find her. I can’t stand just waiting around for a bunch of donut-guzzling gum shoes to find her.

 

MICHELLE: Fine. (Michelle walks into her room and sits on her mattress. Ryan walks in and sits next to her) Ask away.

 

RYAN: First thing’s first, do you have a Monster lying around I could drink?

 

(Michelle sighs, and goes over to the corner, where a case of Monster energy drinks is sitting. She picks one up and tosses it to Ryan, who catches it)

 

MICHELLE: Hope you like it warm.

 

(Ryan cracks it open and takes a large swig)

 

RYAN: Oh God, I’ve missed you.

 

MICHELLE: If I didn’t know any better I’d think that was directed towards me.

 

RYAN: I’ve missed you too, Michelle. (Ryan pats Michelle on the leg) Let me ask you. What was going on in Sarah’s life before she disappeared?

 

MICHELLE: Well…first and foremost, it was her relationship with Professor Calhoun.

 

RYAN: Professor Calhoun?

 

MICHELLE: About a year and a half ago, she started fucking her Graphic Design teacher.

 

RYAN: Just for the record, they started fucking, or they started making love?

 

MICHELLE: I called it fucking, she called it making love.

 

RYAN: Got it.

 

MICHELLE: Things were going smoothly, until the shit hit the fan.

 

RYAN: Literally?

 

MICHELLE: What? No.

 

RYAN: Sorry, it seemed like it was gonna be one of those “literally” sentences.

 

MICHELLE: No, shit did not literally hit any fans. What DID happen, was...

 

(Cut to several days earlier. Sarah and Bill are lying in bed together. They are both looking up at the ceiling)

 

BILL: Are you late for class?

 

SARAH: No, but you are.

 

(Bill looks at his phone)

 

BILL: Oh shit, you’re right!
 

(Bill gets up and puts on his pants. Cut to a wide shot of Bill’s room. Sarah sits up)

 

SARAH: What are you gonna tell those poor kids?

 

BILL: I’ll tell them I was making love with the most beautiful woman on campus.

 

(Bill puts on his shirt)

 

SARAH: I know you’re trying to compliment me, but definitely don’t say that.

 

(Bill turns to Sarah)

 

BILL: I won’t. It would probably make one of my students jealous anyway.

 

SARAH: Really?

 

BILL: Yeah. She’s always flirtin’ with me after class. It’s really awkward.

 

SARAH: Should I take care of her?

 

(Bill chuckles)

 

BILL: Where I’m from, we would’ve stripped her nude and left her in the Allegheny’s by now.

 

SARAH: Oh, God, why?

 

BILL: I came from a barbaric part of the south, Sarah. Social slights from women were not taken lightly.

 

SARAH: Yeah, but did you-

 

BILL: Of course not. (Bill puts on his shoes) I would never flirt back, you know that.

 

SARAH: No, I was asking if you’ve ever stripped someone nude and left them-

 

BILL: See ya later, Sar-bear. (Bill kisses Sarah on the lips and leaves. Sarah breathes in happily and falls on the bed. Cut to Professor Calhoun standing in a computer lab, as students type away busily on computers, using photo editing software. Bill walks around the room for a while, as a tracking shot follows him. He stops at a certain male student, bends down and points at his screen) This is all wrong, son. Use that space between your ears.

 

STUDENT: Sorry, Professor Calhoun.

 

BILL: It’s alright, Joe. (Bill pats Joe on the back) You’re a good kid, you just need to exercise the noodle every now and again. (Bill kisses Joe on the head and walks away. Joe furrows his brow. Cut to Bill walking through the computer lab) Anybody else need help?

 

(Cut to a close-up shot of a hand going up. The camera tilts down to reveal a girl with permed brown hair smiling)

 

GIRL: Yoo-hoo!!

 

(Cut to Bill, who looks apprehensive)

 

BILL: Oh, good. (Bill walks over to her) Hi, Chelsea. How can I help you?

 

CHELSEA: Well, Professor Calhoun, I can’t open Photoshop.

 

(Chelsea shrugs)

 

BILL: Chelsea, yes you can. Come on now.

 

CHELSEA: What’s that on your tie?

 

(Chelsea takes Bill’s tie and starts scrubbing it for smudges)

 

BILL: There’s nothing on it, Chelsea! Give it back!

 

(Bill swipes his tie away from her)

 

CHELSEA: What are you doing after this, Bill?

 

(Bill stands straight)

 

BILL: It’s Professor Calhoun. And I’m going to office hours. Fuck, I shouldn’t have mentioned that.

 

CHELSEA: See you there.

 

(Chelsea winks, and then licks a pencil)

 

BILL: …I know this is inappropriate, but my curiosity’s gotten the best of me. When did you lose your virginity?

 

CHELSEA: Sixth grade, and I haven’t had sex since.

 

(Cut to a close-up of a pencil being tapped against a desk. Then cut to Bill sitting in his office during office hours, nervously tapping said pen)

 

BILL: Uhhh…maybe the computer will make me less nervous. (Bill brings up the internet on his computer, and he sees a headline on a news website featuring a picture of Paul Ryan and the headline “TrumpCare will kick 24 Million of Health Insurance”) Nope. That’s horrific. Agh!

 

(Bill turns off his computer. Sarah comes in and shuts the door)

 

SARAH: I don’t like your new office.

 

BILL: I don’t either, because it doesn’t lock. Precisely for- (Bill points between him and Sarah) this reason.

 

SARAH: No one ever comes to your office hours anyway right?

 

BILL: Not usually, in fact, I heavily imply I don’t want them to very often. But, there’s one girl who has essentially guaranteed she’s going to come.

 

SARAH: Why?

 

BILL: I think she has a thing for me.

 

(Sarah laughs)

 

SARAH: Oh, it’s that girl?

 

BILL: Yeah. She’s hornier than a horned lizard in matin’ season.

 

SARAH: Or any animal in matin’ season, really.

 

BILL: Yeah.

 

SARAH: Listen, if she hasn’t come by yet, she may not be coming. It’s forty-five minutes past the hour, silly.

 

BILL: True. Maybe she picked up on my heavy “back off” signals. Especially when I explicitly told her to “back off”.

 

SARAH: Cool, so she’s not coming. Let’s make out.

 

(Sarah walks over to Bill, who stands up. Cut to a side shot of the side wall. Sarah throws Bill against it and they start making out. Cut to Chelsea, standing outside Calhoun’s office, wearing heavy make-up and a black dress)

 

CHELSEA: (Whispering) Now that I’ve taken the time to get myself dolled up, Bill will go from “back off” to “back that ass UP” YAAAAAAS queen!! (Chelsea opens the door just a bit, and then stops dead in her tracks when she sees Sarah and Bill making out against the side wall. Chelsea’s eyes widen, but Sarah and Bill don’t notice she’s there. She looks angry, and takes out her phone and snaps a picture. She then quietly closes the door. She clenches her fists) You’ll pay for this, random bitch.

 

(Chelsea storms away, holding her dress up as she storms. Cut to Michelle and Ryan sitting on the mattress in Michelle and Sarah’s apartment)

 

RYAN: How do you remember, in such intimate detail, events you did not witness?

 

MICHELLE: Sarah told me all about it. And remember, she has a photographic AND filmographic memory.

 

RYAN: Yeah, but the part with Calhoun-

 

MICHELLE: He came over sometimes. I heard the stories.

 

RYAN: Fine! But the part with just Chelsea-

 

MICHELLE: Just shut up, okay?  Sarah’s missing!
 

RYAN: Right. And that’s why she ran away?

 

MICHELLE: Evidently! Chelsea spread the photo everywhere. Sarah’s reputation was ruined.

 

(Ryan sighs and shakes his head)

 

RYAN: Kids are cruel.

 

MICHELLE: These are adults!

 

(Ryan looks at Michelle)

 

RYAN: Do you have any idea where she might have gone?

 

(Michelle shakes her head)

 

MICHELLE: I have no idea.

 

RYAN: …Sarah was always so adventurous.

 

MICHELLE: DON’T start speaking in the past tense!
 

RYAN: Sorry! Sarah IS always so adventurous.

 

MICHELLE: You’re not wrong. But usually she’s more considerate than this. (Michelle looks at Ryan) I mean, you dated her, did she ever just disappear randomly?

 

RYAN: No, that was usually me.

 

MICHELLE: Right. I also dated you. I tried to forget.

 

(Ryan chuckles)

 

RYAN: It wasn’t all bad.

 

(Ryan takes a sip of his Monster)

 

MICHELLE: It wasn’t. I just almost got fired a couple times for letting you work at Hot Topic.

 

RYAN: I was late sometimes.

 

MICHELLE: Ryan, you were a week late to your performance review once.

 

RYAN: Luckily, there was blatant conflict of interest in management.

 

MICHELLE: I should’ve fired you.

 

RYAN: Come on, we don’t have to re-litigate all that.

 

MICHELLE: Yeah, I know, it’s just-ugh, I hate that I can’t help but like you still. (Ryan furrows his brow) As a friend.

 

RYAN: Ah. I see.

 

MICHELLE: …We dated for a combined total of eight and a half months. Three months in 2012, five and a half months in 2014. It seems like it was so much longer.

 

RYAN: The time was never right for us.

 

(Michelle shrugs)

 

MICHELLE: There was never going to be a time.

 

RYAN: Maybe not. But fundamentally, we can’t live without one another.

 

MICHELLE: …Maybe you’re right. We’re inextricably linked.

 

RYAN: I am right. We can’t veer away.

 

(Michelle looks into Ryan’s eyes)

 

MICHELLE: How are you and Catherine?

 

RYAN: I don’t want to talk about Catherine.

 

(Michelle leans in to kiss Ryan, and they start making out. “1049 Gotho” by IDLES begins playing. Ryan helps Michelle get her shirt off, and he throws it aside. Ryan unclasps Michelle’s bra, and throws it aside. Michelle lies down on the bed, and Ryan removes his shirt. Ryan unzips Michelle’s pants and pulls down her panties. Ryan pulls down his underwear and begins fucking her vaginally. We get tight shots of all of this happening, with little attention paid to genitalia. We get a shot directly above the two as they copulate. We get a tight shot of Michelle’s face as it expresses ecstasy. Cut to a tight shot of Ryan’s face as he fucks her. His eyes are closed, and he looks peaceful, but he is also sweating. Cut to Catherine walking by Agora Coffee, where she sees the alley where Ryan and her used to live. She looks at it for a few seconds, before walking on. As the song ends, we cut to an overhead shot of Ryan and Michelle lying on Michelle’s mattress, still naked. Ryan reaches over to grab his Monster and he takes a sip)

 

MICHELLE: I don’t get it, Ryan…

 

RYAN: Get what?

 

MICHELLE: What’s wrong with you and Catherine?

 

(Ryan turns towards Michelle, who then turns towards her. Cut to an over-shoulder shot of Ryan)

 

RYAN: I don’t know…you know how we dated for three months and then five months? These days, I’d kill for relationships that long.

 

MICHELLE: Why are they ending so quickly?

 

(Ryan adjusts his position in bed)

 

RYAN: I get bored with people so easily, Michelle. It’s like…they’re just another cheap high to me. I’m so bored with myself that I…I need something new all the time. And without that, I turn to actual drugs.

 

(Michelle moves the hair out of Ryan’s eyes with her hand)

 

MICHELLE: Oh, Ryan…

 

RYAN: What?

 

MICHELLE: I could’ve told you all that.

 

RYAN: …Well, it took me a while to realize it. Since you diagnosed it, maybe you could take a crack at addressing it.

 

MICHELLE: I gave up on fixing you a long time ago, Donahue.

 

(Ryan sighs)

 

RYAN: This isn’t about me anyway.

 

(Ryan gets up and puts his underwear on. Michelle sits up)

 

MICHELLE: I never thought I’d hear you say that.

 

(Ryan turns to Michelle, and we see him from a down angle shot)

 

RYAN: I’m gonna go and try to find her.

 

MICHELLE: She’s not going to be in Amherst, Ryan.

 

RYAN: You don’t know that. She could be using the WiFi at a Starbucks for all we know. In fact, that’s how she used to run away from Amy.

 

(Michelle gets up and puts on her panties and shirt)

 

MICHELLE: Leave it to the police.

 

RYAN: No, goddamnit! My friend is missing and I don’t want to just sit here pulling my pud!

 

MICHELLE: That was me, actually.

 

RYAN: Are you gonna come with me?

 

MICHELLE: No, I’m not, Ryan. I’m twenty-three years old. I’m gonna be an adult and wait for the professional detectives to do their jobs.

 

RYAN: Fine. Drive yourself crazy here. I’m gonna do something. (Ryan walks out of the room. Ryan then comes back) I’m taking these.

 

(Ryan takes the case of Monsters, as Michelle nods. Cut to Ryan walking through the streets of Amherst as “Break The Glass” by clipping is playing. He is shown darting around to coffee shops, comic book stores, book stores and one anime sex toy kiosk waving around a picture of Sarah Blumenthal. But people just shake their heads and shrug their shoulders. Finally, Ryan walks into a Starbucks with a picture of Sarah and sees Professor Calhoun holding a picture of Sarah as well. Calhoun is unshaven and has bags around his eyes. The song stops at the 1:27 mark. Calhoun and Ryan lock eyes. Calhoun walks towards Ryan)

 

BILL: You know this girl!?!

 

RYAN: Yes! Who are you, are you Professor Calhoun?

 

BILL: YES! That’s me!

 

RYAN: I can tell by your charming southern accent.

 

BILL: Thank you, son. How do you know about me?

 

RYAN: I’m a friend of Sarah’s, and one of her other friends told me everything.

 

BILL: Well. I love her very much.

 

(Ryan nods his head)

 

RYAN: And I am a very good friend of hers.

 

BILL: What’s your name?

 

RYAN: Ryan.

 

BILL: That’s right, she’s mentioned a “Ryan” before.

 

RYAN: Really, what’d she say?

 

(Bill just stares at Ryan for a second)

 

BILL: Forget that, just look at this snap I found while investigating Sarah’s disappearance!

 

(Bill takes out his phone and shows a screenshot of a snapchat photo at a gas station. It shows a person at a gas pump filling up their Jeep, and in the corner it shows a young woman, wearing a backpack and a hoodie, walking by. Her face is not visible. The caption reads “dirty bitch lookin like she need a bath 2nite” and then a cry face emoji)

 

RYAN: Holy shit.

 

BILL: That’s the back of Sarah’s head, right?

 

RYAN: Yes. I’d recognize it anywhere. It even has the tacky purple tips.

 

BILL: The license plate on this car is New Jersey. And through some sleuthing, I found this gas station- Pauly’s Gas & Go (The Best Gas Station This Side Of The Mississippi and That’s a Guarantee)-

 

RYAN: That name is too long.

 

BILL: This place is in Atlantic City.

 

RYAN: And by “sleuthing”, you mean you looked it up on Google Maps?

 

BILL: Yeah, that’s right.

 

(Ryan looks at Bill’s phone)

 

RYAN: I have to say I’m really offended by this caption, she doesn’t even look that dirty.

 

BILL: Focus up, Ryan.

 

(Ryan shakes his head and looks at Bill)

 

RYAN: So she was in Atlantic City?

 

BILL: And she still might be.

 

RYAN: Are you going there? I came here on a bus.

 

BILL: Sure, I can drive you.

 

RYAN: Do you have a car? Because if not, we could steal a bus!
 

BILL: No, I have a car, why do you-?

 

RYAN: Sorry, I just have a lot of adrenaline right now, and I’ve also been drinking a lot of Monster and part of me wants to steal a FUCKING BUS!

 

(Cut to a Jeep Grand Cherokee whizzing past a fixed camera on a desolate road. Cut to Calhoun driving the car, with Ryan sitting in the passenger seat. They are listening to the radio)

 

NPR: President Trump seems to be heavily avoiding calling the American Healthcare Act proposed in Congress “TrumpCare”, despite his previous proclivity to put his name on everything, from buildings to businesses to whole entire ladies. But the White House has heavily resisted calling the plan “TrumpCare”, as opposition to the plan builds among conservatives, liberals, communists, monarchists, anarchists, Jews, Gentiles, Muslims, Sikhs, Statists and the North American Man-Boy Love Association. Oh, also the vast majority of the American people. This is NPR.

 

(Ryan turns off the radio)

 

RYAN: Can’t we listen to some music or something?

 

BILL: Boy, don’t touch my radio!
 

(Bill turns up the radio back on)

 

RYAN: Sorry, I just kind of want to avoid the daily, depressing shitstorm emanating from Washington.

 

BILL: You don’t want to hear about the President’s brand-spankin’ new Muslim ban? Now with 5% less racism?

 

RYAN: No, I don’t. Especially when my friend’s life may be in danger.

 

(Bill turns down the radio)

 

BILL: How close were you two?

 

RYAN: Very close. She’s been one of my best friends for seven years.

 

(The camera moves to a single shot of Bill)

 

BILL: …Just friends?

 

(Cut to Ryan, who looks over at Bill)

 

RYAN: …I mean, no, we dated for a bit. (Ryan looks straight ahead) Didn’t work out, though. You see, it turns out, I’m an asshole.

 

BILL: Huh.

 

RYAN: But it was fun, to be sure. We supported each other through some difficult times. Like when her mom found happiness. She took that really hard.

 

BILL: Yeah, she seems to be perturbed by that.

 

(Ryan looks out the window)

 

RYAN: She’s way more responsible than I am, which is why this whole situation surprises me. And she’s just an amazing person, over all.

 

BILL: So-

 

RYAN: She just has a glowing warmth, you know? I mean, not physically, she’s cold as ice, but damn, if she’s not sweet. And I just want to see her safe.

 

 (Bill glares at Ryan, who continues looking out the window. Bill turns his eyes back to the road)

 

BILL: Me too. Do you want to stop for snacks?

 

RYAN: Yeah, go ahead. I left my case of Monster in Amherst by accident.  (Cut to a sign that says “Welcome to Bridgeport”, with the motto “Birthplace of Subway- yeah, that started here!” Bill’s Jeep Cherokee zooms past it. Cut to Bill’s Jeep Cherokee pulling into a gas station parking lot. Bill parks. Ryan jumps out, and walks around to Bill’s window) Aren’t you coming in?

 

BILL: No, my legs are tired.

 

RYAN: You don’t wanna stretch or-?

 

BILL: NO! Just get me a pack of gum, would ya?

 

(Bill hands Ryan a five-dollar bill)

 

RYAN: …Okay. Cool.

 

(Ryan, confused, starts walking away. Cut to a shot of Ryan holding the five-dollar bill, looking quizzically, and walking towards the camera as it backs up with him Bill is seen in the Jeep behind him, getting further away as Ryan walks forward. Cut to Ryan putting the case of Monster and the pack of gum on the counter in the store)

 

CASHIER: This shit is bad for your heart, ya know?

 

RYAN: That’s the point. (Ryan hands the cashier his credit card. Cut to Ryan walking to the truck. Ryan sees that Bill is nowhere to be seen. Ryan, confused, goes to his side of the truck. The camera is pointed at him, as we see Bill coming up from behind wielding a race car derby trophy. He knocks Ryan out with it, as “Break The Glass” by clipping comes back on, from where it left off. Bill sighs heavily. Bill flips Ryan over, as the camera shakes with his movement. Ryan’s eyes are closed. He is clearly knocked out. Bill takes his trophy and gets in the truck, starts it, and drives away. Cut to an above shot of Ryan lying on the ground, as “Break The Glass” ends. The camera zooms out from Ryan, getting further and further away. Cut to a POV shot of Ryan waking up in a very fancy canopied bed surrounded by curtains. Cut to Ryan lying on a fancy canopied bed, with an ice pack on his bruised head. Ryan sits up, confused and squinting) Where the…fuck? (Ryan moves one of the curtains to reveal an old-timey parlor-esque room. Ryan gets up out of the bed to see this room. He takes off his ice pack and puts it on the bedside table. He walks up to a picture on the wall of a scantily clad woman riding a stick horse) …Why doesn’t she have a real horse? (Ryan points to another picture of a scantily clad woman on the wall, but she’s riding a real horse) that chick got to ride a real horse. (A woman wearing a fur coat walks in holding some soup. Ryan turns around) Oh.

 

WOMAN: You’re up?

 

RYAN: Yeah. Who are you? How long have I been out?

 

WOMAN: You were drifting in and out of consciousness for about a day. Please, sit down.

 

(The woman puts the soup down, and Ryan draws back the curtains and sits on the bed)

 

RYAN: Where am I?

 

(A horse pokes its head into the room and nays. The woman turns around)

 

WOMAN: Go away, Manifest Destiny! There are oats on the table for you, shoo!
 

(The horse whinnies and backs out of the room. Ryan is wide-eyed)

 

RYAN: Is this some sort of-

 

WOMAN: Brothel? Yes.

 

RYAN: Not what I was gonna say, but that makes sense.

 

(The woman sits down on a stool and holds up three fingers)

 

WOMAN: How many fingers am I holding up?

 

RYAN: Three. Don’t worry, I’m fine-

 

WOMAN: What’s your name?

 

(Ryan sighs)

 

RYAN: Ryan Donahue.

 

(The woman takes out Ryan’s wallet and looks at his ID)

 

WOMAN: That checks out.

 

RYAN: Give me that!
 

(The woman hands the wallet back to Ryan)

 

WOMAN: The whores tried to get your money, but I stopped them. So you’re welcome.

 

RYAN: Thanks. I suppose. Where did-

 

WOMAN: What year is it?

 

RYAN: 2017.

 

WOMAN: Who is the President?

 

RYAN: Donald Trump.

 

WOMAN: Very good.

 

RYAN: Okay, now can I ask the pressing questions?

 

WOMAN: Go ahead, sweetheart.

 

RYAN: Where am I? Who are you? How did I end up here? What’s your name?

 

WOMAN: I’ll answer those questions in reverse, honey. My name is Genevieve.

 

RYAN: Of course it is.

 

GENEVIEVE: Some of our employees were hookering at a gas station when they saw you lying motionless on the ground. They were going to take you to the hospital, but they’ve been banned from the hospital for trying to solicit hospice patients. So they brought you here.

 

RYAN: …Okay. Next question.

 

GENEVIEVE: Which one was that?

 

RYAN: Who are you?

 

GENEVIEVE: Right. I’m Genevieve, the proprietor of this brothel. Oh, and you’re in Connecticut.

 

RYAN: Well. I suppose that answers my questions. I need to get going, though.

 

(Ryan stands up, but Genevieve stands up with him)

 

GENEVIEVE: No, you need to rest. I can even bring someone in to fuck you, if you want.

 

RYAN: Thanks, but I’m fine- (Ryan notices something offscreen) …what the hell?

 

(Ryan walks over to a wall. Genevieve walks over there with him)

 

GENEVIEVE: What? Do you know her?

 

(Ryan takes the framed picture off the wall and looks at it)

 

RYAN: Yes.

 

(The camera closes in on the picture to reveal it’s a photo of a sad looking Sarah riding a donkey)

 

GENEVIEVE: (Offscreen) Have you seen her at a petting zoo, or?

 

(Cut to Ryan looking at the photo with Genevieve behind her)

 

RYAN: No, not the donkey. This girl, is Sarah Blumenthal. She’s my friend, and she’s missing. Is she here?

 

GENEVIEVE: No, this woman isn’t here anymore, she left two days ago. And her name isn’t Sarah Blumenthal, it’s Tutsuki Nakamara.

 

RYAN: Of course it is. (Ryan puts the picture back on the wall and turns to Genevieve) When did she come here?

 

GENEVIEVE: We’ll discuss this in due time. But please, have coffee in the parlor.

 

RYAN: Please, I need to go, just tell me-

 

GENEVIEVE: You’re being rude. This is a classy establishment, sweetheart. We discuss things over coffee here. In the parlor.

 

(Ryan grits his teeth, and then sighs)

 

RYAN: …Where’s the parlor.

 

(Cut to Ryan, Genevieve and several scantily clad prostitutes sitting in a posh parlor with daylight pouring in through the curtains of a large window. A topless woman walks over to Ryan and Genevieve holding a tray with two coffees on it. She hands each of them a cup of coffee)

 

GENEVIEVE: Thank you.

 

TOPLESS WOMAN: You’re welcome, ma’am.

 

RYAN: Thanks.

 

TOPLESS WOMAN: You may feel it if you’d like.

 

RYAN: Oh, I probably shouldn’t. I have a girlfriend.

 

GENEVIEVE: So does she. And it’s me.

 

RYAN: …This is your girlfriend?

 

GENEVIEVE: Feel her tit, honey, it’s only polite.

 

RYAN: ….Alright, I guess I don’t know much about the customs of Connecticut.

 

(Ryan feels her breast, very uncomfortably)

 

TOPLESS WOMAN: Alright, that’s enough.

 

(Ryan takes his hand off her breast, and the woman walks away)

 

RYAN: Is that a fetish for you guys or something?

 

(Genevieve takes a sip of her coffee)

 

GENEVIEVE: It’s more of a sales tactic.

 

RYAN: Ah.

 

(Ryan sips some of the coffee)

 

GENEVIEVE: So. I’m a middle-aged woman who runs a brothel and recently employed your missing friend. Ask me anything.

 

RYAN: …Why did she want to work here?

 

GENEVIEVE: She said she was out of money. She was desperate, hungry and broke. And she gladly sat under a hot light, riding a donkey, while our merciless stage coach taunted her.

 

RYAN: She didn’t look glad.

 

GENEVIEVE: All our girls are required to be happy at all times.

 

RYAN: So, what? She worked for a day and then left?

 

GENEVIEVE: She got a ton of money on day one. We managed to convince a bunch of horny college student nerds that she was Asian.

 

RYAN: Hence the name.

 

GENEVIEVE: Yep.

 

RYAN: Way to white wash prostitution. You should call this place the “Ghost In The Shell” brothel.

 

GENEVIEVE: Excuse me?

 

RYAN: Sorry. I was trying to make a joke, my bad.

 

GENEVIEVE: Here in Connecticut, jokes are not considered appropriate until dinner.

 

RYAN: My bad. Where did Sarah say she was going after this?

 

GENEVIEVE: She didn’t say. She just disappeared one morning, leaving behind nothing but a lengthy resignation letter and the distinct and lasting smell of anti-freeze.

 

RYAN: Yeah, that’s her, alright. (Ryan smells) Damn, it smells good.

 

GENEVIEVE: Also, we had to put down the donkey. Nobody else wanted it.

 

RYAN: Oh, God.

 

GENEVIEVE: Anyway, it’s now time for dinner. Alexandria, bring the meat stew!
 

(Alexandria brings over a giant pot of meat stew)

 

RYAN: I think I’m just gonna go.

 

(Cut to Ryan walking onto a car rental lot. A salesman in a cheap suit walks over to him)

 

SALESMAN: Hello there, can I interest you in a rental donkey?

 

(Ryan squints in confusion)

 

RYAN: What’s with this town and donkeys? No, I need a rental car. Your cheapest one.

 

SALESMAN: We have a 1994 Ford Piece of shit over there.

 

(The camera pans to a shitty 1994 Ford Pinto)

 

RYAN: I’ll take it.

 

SALESMAN: Okay. How old are you?

 

RYAN: Twenty-five.

 

SALESMAN: Can I see your ID?

 

RYAN: It says I was born in 1992. Trust me on this. Do you trust me?

 

SALESMAN: Of course, but I-

 

RYAN: Then give me the keys.

 

(The salesman squints)

 

SALESMAN: You need to pay first.

 

RYAN: Damnit. I really thought intimidation and befuddlement would work. Just give me the donkey.

 

(Cut to Ryan riding a donkey on the side of the road as “Failure” by Swans begins playing. We see him showing a picture of Ryan to patrons in a bar, but they get annoyed and start throwing beers at him. Ryan walks outside to see his donkey tied to a post, drinking beer out of a pitcher on the ground. Ryan sighs and gets on it. Cut to Ryan showing a picture of Sarah to some smack addicts in an alley. They get annoyed and start throwing used needles at him. He runs away, and sees that his donkey, tied to another post, has a needled in his left leg. Ryan rolls his eyes and pulls the needle out. He gets on the donkey and it falls over, knocking him onto the ground. Ryan gets up and dusts himself off. Cut to a wide shot of the back of Ryan and the donkey on the Atlantic City boardwalk’s beach, looking at the Atlantic Ocean. The song fades out)

 

RYAN: Well, Constance. I don’t know where the fuck Sarah is. (Constance looks over at Ryan. We cut to a side shot of Constance. He has bloodshot eyes. Cut to a side shot of Ryan looking over at Constance) Don’t look at me like that. (Ryan sheds a tear) I did everything I could. (Constance walks over and rubs his nose against Ryan’s stomach. Ryan pets him) It’s okay, boy. Maybe she’s out there somewhere. Thinking about me. (Ryan takes some straw out of his pocket and throws it on the beach. Constance begins eating it) But I let her down. Again. (Ryan looks at Constance) I’m gonna have to find a way to drive back home, buddy, and I don’t know how you’d come with me. (Constance looks at Ryan. Cut to one of those trucks that has a trailer that hauls horses attached to it, driving down the road. We cut to the farmer driving that truck with Ryan in the passenger seat) Thanks for letting Constance ride with your horses.

 

FARMER: No problem. And don’t worry, my horses don’t eat donkeys.

 

RYAN: I was not…concerned about that.

 

(Cut to Councilman Donahue sitting on the dais during a city council meeting. They are listening to a citizen’s forum, where citizens go to a microphone to voice grievances. A woman is at the microphone at the moment)

 

WOMAN: We need to seriously considered the possibility that SOME of these so-called “vamp” kids in our high schools are ACTUALLY vampires!

 

CHAIRMAN EDELMAN: Ma’am, vampires don’t exist.

 

WOMAN: They said the same thing about the Wright Brothers, didn’t they?!

 

COUNCILMAN DONAHUE: They said the Wright Brothers didn’t exist?

 

CHAIRMAN EDELMAN: Thank you for your concerns, ma’am. (The woman shakes her head and walks away. Edelman looks down at his papers) Next up is Anita Ferguson-

 

( Anita Ferguson stands up, but then Ryan opens the door to the room loudly, interrupting)

 

RYAN: ME!
 

(Everybody looks back at Ryan)

 

COUNCILMAN DONAHUE: You were a little late to make that work, son.

 

RYAN: Really? Damnit. I waited forever out here.

 

(Ryan walks up to the podium)

 

CHAIRMAN EDELMAN: Can we help you, Ryan?

 

RYAN: I just wanted to report to you corrupt, slimy politicians, that, in my mission to locate and rescue the Mayor’s stepdaughter, I was…unsuccessful. So, therefore, I give up my self-appointed badge.

 

(Ryan takes an invisible badge out of his pocket and places it on the podium. Anita Ferguson stands up)

 

ANITA FERGUSON: Do I not get to go?

 

COUNCILMAN DONAHUE: Quiet, Anita.

 

(Chairman Edelman slams the gavel)

 

CHAIRMAN EDELMAN: Ryan, your efforts are not needed. Our best men are on the case.

 

RYAN: YOUR best men?

 

ETHAN: Yeah, we managed to get Irville to sign a bill giving us a police force. It’s pretty sweet.

 

RYAN: That sounds-

 

ETHAN: Really cool? It is.

 

RYAN: No, I said-

 

ETHAN: Son, I know you want to do everything you can for your friend. But you need to leave it to the professionals.

 

RYAN: But dad-

 

CHAIRMAN EDELMAN: Police!
 

(City Council’s police come over and escort Ryan out)

 

RYAN: YOU CAN’T SILENCE ME!!! I WILL REIGN SUPREME!!!!

 

ETHAN: Reign supreme over your grades, how about that?
 

(The city council chuckles)

 

COUNCILMAN GRAVES: You should see my kid.

 

ETHAN: Yeah, I bet.

 

COUNCILMAN GRAVES: Have you seen him? Because he won’t talk to me.

 

ETHAN: Oh.  I’m sorry to hear that.

 

(Councilman Graves leans forward and sighs)

 

COUNCILMAN GRAVES: …It’s been a long year.

 

(Cut to Mayor Satch watching local news in his office. He has stubble, and is drinking a McCafe, clearly depressed as he leans back in his office chair)

 

QUINN PORTER: (On TV) Speaker Ryan told President Trump today that Congress do not have the votes to pass the Republican healthcare bill some call “TrumpCare”. Speaker Ryan told reporters that “we will be living with ObamaCare for the foreseeable future”.

 

MAYOR SATCH (Half-heartedly) Woooo…

 

(Mayor Satch finishes his McCafe and tosses it in the trash. Cut to Quinn Porter on TV)

 

QUINN: President Trump made a statement from the Oval Office, blaming the Democrats for not working with the Republicans to pass it.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Yeah, just like how the Patriots didn’t help the Falcons win the Super Bowl! What jerks!

 

QUINN: President Trump assured reporters he has full confidence in Speaker Paul Ryan.

 

(Conan walks in)

 

CONAN: Morning, Mr. Mayor.

 

(Mayor Satch sits up)

 

MAYOR SATCH: Morning.

 

CONAN: How’re you feeling?

 

MAYOR SATCH: I’ve never felt so bummed out, Conan. The Tug Boat Union hates me, and Sarah has been missing for weeks now. It’s too much.

 

CONAN: Yeah, it’s an awful thing, Mr. Mayor. But there’s still work to be done. In fact, Councilman Donahue is here to see you about something real important.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Okay, send him in.

 

(Conan leaves, and Ethan comes in and sits down. Ethan extends his hand and Mayor Satch shakes it lethargically. They both let go)

 

ETHAN: I have to say, sir, I’ve never seen you so down.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Well, you look pretty ugly yourself.

 

ETHAN: Wow. I didn’t even say you looked ugly. And also, I am kind of down, I mean, one of the only good outcomes of Trump’s election was just thwarted.

 

MAYOR SATCH: What do you want, Ethan?

 

(Ethan sighs)

 

ETHAN: My son is distraught about Sarah. And I really want to help in any way I can.

 

MAYOR SATCH: There’s nothing you can do. Nothing turns out the way anyone wants it to. Life is a letdown.

 

ETHAN: Okay, first of all, you sound like my son, secondly, I think there is something I can do. I would like authorization to use the city council’s police force to help locate Sarah.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Oh, come on.

 

ETHAN: I know right now all they can do is escort out troublemakers and throw nets over people, but I think-

 

MAYOR SATCH: It’s not going to happen, Ethan. I can’t have people goin’ around thinking that I’m setting up a dictatorship with a secret police force.

 

ETHAN: You proposed a fleet of government-funded greeters be sent around the city to brighten people’s days.

 

MAYOR SATCH: And it was a good idea too! But this goes too far.

 

ETHAN: But, sir-

 

MAYOR SATCH: Ethan, just leave me to my McCafes and snuggies please.

 

(Mayor Satch puts on a snuggie. Ethan sighs, and gets up and leaves, as the camera slowly zooms out on Irville in his snuggie. Cut to a few weeks later. Ryan is sitting in Catherine’s apartment. Catherine is massaging Ryan’s back as they watch MSNBC. Brian Williams is speaking with a guest as footage of Tomahawk missiles launch from a Navy Destroyer with the headline “TRUMP LAUNCHES MISSILE STRIKE ON SYRIAN AIRFIELD”)

 

BRIAN WILLIAMS: We see these beautiful pictures at night from the decks of these two U.S. Navy vessels in the eastern Mediterranean. I am tempted to quote the great Leonard Cohen: ‘I am guided by the beauty of our weapons’.

 

CATHERINE: Jesus Fucking Christ.

 

RYAN: I swear, as soon as the bombs drop, the media gets in line.

 

CATHERINE: I mean, Brian Williams would know about the beauty of Navy Destroyers, right? He was on the USS Maddox during the Gulf Of Tonkin incident. At least that’s what he told me!
 

RYAN: I heard that too. I swear, if they call him “Presidential” again, I’m gonna fucking flip.

 

CATHERINE: But, Ryan, you forget, it’s actually quite presidential to get involved in middle east conflicts and go to war without Congressional approval.

 

RYAN: That’s right, I forgot. By the way, one more thing, MAYBE you guys shouldn’t only praise him when he drops bombs on things, because then he’s just gonna drop MORE bombs on things. MORE bombs, BIGGER bombs, maybe even the BIGGEST bomb.

 

CATHERINE: That’s a good point, Ryan, but what about the beautiful babies?

 

RYAN: What about the beautiful babies Trump has killed in his runaway drone program?

 

CATHERINE: They were probably anchor babies.

 

RYAN: You may be right, yeah. I just don’t think it’s a coincidence that as SOON as Bannon gets kicked off the National Security Council, we’re not so “America First” anymore.

 

CATHERINE: No, we’re still America, first, because we bomb first. Without being attacked, it’s “America First” when it comes to bombing.

 

(Ryan sighs, and turns off the TV)

 

RYAN: I can’t deal with this right now. Ugh. The childish warmonger is gonna us involved in so many messes. And suddenly my brother will be deployed in Puerto Rico because the Moron-In-Chief won’t know it’s part of America.

 

(Catherine hugs Ryan from behind)

 

CATHERINE: …I get the sense this isn’t the only thing troubling you.

 

(Ryan sighs)

 

RYAN: it’s not.

 

CATHERINE: …I’m not gonna sugarcoat it for you…it doesn’t look good.

 

RYAN: …I know.

 

CATHERINE: She’s been missing for almost a month now. I mean, maybe they’ll find her, but, in what condition?

 

RYAN: …Yeah…I just hate that I can’t do anything about it.

 

CATHERINE: You can pray.

 

(Catherine pats her chest and points upward. Ryan looks at her and laughs)

 

RYAN: Is that how you pray?

 

CATHERINE: I don’t know, I’ve never done it before. It’s all guesswork.

 

(Ryan laughs and lies her head in Catherine’s lap. We cut to a slowly zooming in shot of the two of them)

 

RYAN: I just want to know, you know?

 

CATHERINE: Yeah.

 

RYAN: …Did you feed Constance?

 

CATHERINE: Our landlord is gonna find out about him.

 

RYAN: How do you figure?

 

CATHERINE: He kicked our radiator and broke it!
 

RYAN: I told him it was me.

 

CATHERINE: Well, you can’t keep taking him on 3am walks. Somebody’s going to see you eventually.

 

RYAN: Somebody has. But I pay off the kid with Cokes. Her parents have a strict “no soda” policy, so it’s a pretty good arrangement.
 

(Cut to a few weeks later. Ethan is watching the news, nervously, while holding a cup of whiskey. Richard Stovall is reporting the news)

 

RICHARD STOVALL: According to NBC News, the United States is ready to launch a pre-emptive strike on the North Korean regime if it chooses to go ahead with its expected nuclear test over the weekend.

 

ETHAN: Holy fucking SHIT! Anella, come in here and-oh. Right.

 

(Ethan sips his drink and takes a deep breath)

 

RICHARD STOVALL: The North Koreans have threatened nuclear retaliation if the United States takes any military action against them, but, experts say North Korea does not have the ability to strike the U.S. with a nuclear warhead and won’t for at least five years.

 

ETHAN: Oh, thank God, it would only be a nuclear war on the Korean peninsula. Oh my God, I’m a horrible person.

 

RICHARD STOVALL: The Defense Department has emphasized it will not take any action against North Korea without consulting South Korea.

 

(Ethan breathes a sigh of relief)

 

ETHAN: Thank God…

 

RICHARD STOVALL: President Trump has said the solution to the North Korea situation will require more cooperation from China. The President had cake with Chinese President Xi Jinping last week and apparently received a ten-minute lesson on Chinese-North Korean history where he realized “it’s not so easy”.

 

ETHAN: Jesus Christ, we’re doomed.

 

RICHARD STOVALL: In local news, the search for Sarah Blumenthal continues. She went missing in mid-March and has yet to be located. But, one of her former Professors, Bill Calhoun, was arrested in Florida today for allegedly running an alligator-fighting ring, but police say there’s no evidence to suggest he knows where Sarah is.

 

ETHAN: Hmm.

 

(Cut to Ryan packing a bag in front of Catherine in their bedroom)

 

CATHERINE: What?! You’re gonna go to Florida?!
 

RYAN: Yes! I’m tired of driving myself crazy here, and plus, Calhoun may have found her and is, like, selling her organs one by one or something!
 

CATHERINE: What about school!? What about-

 

RYAN: I can afford to miss a few days!
 

CATHERINE: Can you!?

 

RYAN: Music History is easy! Chuck Berry invented rock n’ roll, Grandmaster Flash invented rap, everything was made by black people, everything! Now I’m going to Florida, you can support me or not!
 

CATHERINE: …Call the police like a normal person.

 

RYAN: …I guess not.

 

(Ryan takes his bag and walks out the door. Catherine sits on her bed and starts crying. Cut to a over the shoulder shot of Ryan walking to his car at the apartment complex. Ethan pulls up in his car and gets out, stop Ryan dead in his tracks)

 

ETHAN: Ryan!

 

RYAN: …Dad?

 

ETHAN: I think Sarah may be in Florida.

 

RYAN: …Yeah, me too.

 

ETHAN: Were you about to go to Florida?

 

RYAN: Yeah. Amazingly.

 

ETHAN: …Can I come with you?

 

(Ryan squints)

 

RYAN: Don’t you have city council-ing to do?

 

ETHAN: …We’re on recess. They have small businesses to attend to. I have finding Sarah to attend to.

 

RYAN: Dad, this isn’t another attempt at bonding, is it?

 

ETHAN: I just want to find Sarah. And maybe after that the three of us can get a beer and connect, but that’s long-term. So what do you say, kid?

 

(Ethan takes out a baseball and tosses it to Ryan who catches it with one of his hands)

 

RYAN: …I’ll get in.

 

(Ethan smiles, and walks over to take one of Ryan’s bags. Cut to Ethan driving while Ryan sits in the passenger seat)

 

ETHAN: How’s this feel, playing hooky with your dad?

 

RYAN: Dad, you never adjusted the way you speak for me after my 12th birthday.

 

ETHAN: I don’t call you “faggot” anymore.

 

RYAN: Yeah. It took a while to get to that point, too.

 

ETHAN: I was full of hatred then, to be sure. But I’m a better man now. You should learn from that, you know.

 

RYAN: How so?

 

ETHAN: It’s never too late to improve as a person.

 

RYAN: Okay, turn around.

 

ETHAN: No, no, no, I’m sorry, we can talk about something else.

 

RYAN: Like what?

 

ETHAN: What boys are you into these days, huh, kiddo?

 

RYAN: I have a girlfriend right now, dad. Or at least I did.

 

ETHAN: What happened?

 

RYAN: …It just never seems to work with her.

 

ETHAN: You mean, uh…the, uh…pecker?

 

RYAN: Pull over.

 

ETHAN: I’m just asking!
 

RYAN: NO! I mean, the relationship. Obviously, I’m turned on by her!

 

ETHAN: What’s the problem then?

 

RYAN: We’re at different points in our lives, is all.

 

ETHAN: This is the thirty-year-old, isn’t it?

 

RYAN: She’s thirty-one now, but yeah.

 

ETHAN: You should stick with girls your own age, Ryan.

 

RYAN: isn’t your girlfriend like twenty-five years younger than you?

 

(Awkward pause)

 

ETHAN: …So where exactly in Florida are we going?

 

(Cut to Ethan and Ryan walking the streets of Miami. Ethan is wearing a pair of sunglasses. Ryan is on his phone)

 

RYAN: So, I think he was arrested on-

 

ETHAN: Hold on.

 

(Ethan takes out a big, dumb, physical map)

 

RYAN: Are you serious?!
 

ETHAN: This is much more reliable, Ryan.

 

RYAN: How old are you!?

 

(Cut to an over-the shoulder shot of Ryan and Ethan)

 

ETHAN: You’re never too old to support the map industry. It’s dying.

 

RYAN: It’s been replaced! Whatever, just lead us to Carol City.

 

ETHAN: That is…right here.

 

(Ethan puts his map down and sees a homeless guy pushing a grocery cart full of guns)

 

RYAN: Oh, Jesus.

 

HOMELESS GUY: You want a Beretta?

 

ETHAN: (Nervously) We’re good, sir.

 

HOMELESS GUY: Suit yourself.

 

(The homeless guy walks away)

 

RYAN: Yep. We’re in Carol City alright.

 

(Cut to Ethan and Ryan sitting on a bench on a corner in Carol City)

 

ETHAN: So this is where Calhoun was arrested?

 

RYAN: Yeah, according to the news reports.

 

ETHAN: So I guess the alligator fighting ring is no longer open?

 

RYAN: I would think not.

 

ETHAN: Then what are we doing here? I wanted to make some cash.

 

RYAN: You’ll see.

 

(A Latina prostitute who is clearly cracked out comes over and sits down next to them)

 

PROSTITUTE: Hey little man and big man. You looking for a good-ass time tonight? I have no problem doing brothers.

 

ETHAN: This is my son.

 

PROSTITUTE: Oh, are you getting him his first hooker? How cuuute.

 

(The prostitute hugs on Ryan)

 

ETHAN: Actually, it’s-

 

RYAN: MY first time, that’s what he said, that’s exactly right.

 

(Ryan nudges Ethan)

 

ETHAN: (Whispering) I have to know the angle first, son.

 

RYAN: (Whispering) I’m trying to gather intel. Do you have a condom in your wallet?

 

(Ethan sighs)

 

ETHAN: (Whispering) Yeah. Hold on.

 

(Ethan takes out a Magnum XL condom and hands it to Ryan)

 

RYAN: …I’ll never look at you the same again. (Cut to Ryan lying in the hooker’s bed in the cheap cathouse they’re in. The hooker is doing her make-up in the mirror after they’ve had sex) That was so…rough.

 

HOOKER: Shit, us Miami bitches don’t play around. I thought I was fightin’ yo’ ass for a second.

 

(The hooker takes out a crack pipe and lights it. She takes a hit)

 

RYAN: So, I was wondering-

 

(The hooker sits on the bed as we dolly in on the two of them)

 

HOOKER: Do you want some?

 

RYAN: No, I’m fine, Ashley. Is it Ashley?

 

HOOKER: My name’s Corolla.

 

RYAN: Okay, cool. Corolla, I’ve been looking for this guy, he owes me money.

 

COROLLA: Is it Hector? That nigga owes everyone money. He even owes money to Horatio, and that nigga owes everyone money.

 

RYAN: His name’s Bill Calhoun. Do you know him?

 

COROLLA: Oh yeah, Crocodile Jose.

 

(Corolla takes another hit of her crack pipe)

 

RYAN: Jose?

 

COROLLA: Yeah. Once he got arrested we found out his name was Bill, but, he’ll always be Crocodile Jose to us.

 

RYAN: Good, so you know him.

 

COROLLA: Yeah. He was a asshole.

 

(Ryan lays on his stomach, with his chin resting on his hands, and his legs in the air)

 

RYAN: Tell me more, girl. I wanna hear everything!

 

(Corolla licks her lips and sits up)

 

COROLLA: Emilio and I would go to the croc rights sometimes, and he was so abusive to them. That’s why I reported him to the cops.

 

RYAN: You’re the one that turned him in?

 

COROLLA: Yeah. There’s no snitching in this neighborhood, unless animals are fuckin’ hurt. Bill’s lucky my boyfriend didn’t feed him to his own crocs. Wouldn’t be the first time.

 

RYAN: Did he have a girl around him a lot?

 

COROLLA: Yeah.

 

RYAN: Who?

 

COROLLA: This blonde bitch in a skirt. I think she was a housewife who was transformed into a crack hoe, because she kept handing out HOA flyers, with her teeth fallin’ out and shit.

 

RYAN: No other women?

 

COROLLA: Let me think…

 

(Ten seconds pass. Corolla falls asleep. Ryan snaps her awake)

 

RYAN: Corolla!!!

 

COROLLA: Oh yeah! There was this chick named Mikasa.

 

RYAN: That may be who I’m looking for. Maybe she changed her name again. I mean, Mikasa is her favorite Attack On Titan character. What does Mikasa look like?

 

COROLLA: Brunette, with tacky-ass purple tips. About eleven years old, I think.

 

RYAN: Eleven!?

 

COROLLA: Well, she looked twenty-one, but crack ages you, so I just assumed the bitch was eleven.

 

RYAN: Was she doing crack?

 

COROLLA: Come on, every whore does.

 

(Ryan sighs)

 

RYAN: Do you know where she is now?

 

COROLLA: She got arrested.

 

RYAN: What?!
 

COROLLA: Yeah. For coke possession.

 

RYAN: Jesus.

 

(Corolla takes a hit of her crack pipe)

 

COROLLA: Yo, don’t judge. Those energy drinks you drink are just as bad for your heart.

 

RYAN: How do you know I-

 

COROLLA: You have the look, nigga, you know it.

 

RYAN: Where is Sarah being held?

 

(Cut to Ryan and Ethan walking into the Miami Police Station. A cop is sitting at the front desk)

 

COP: Can I help you?

 

ETHAN: We’re here to see Mikasa Ackerman.

 

COP: Finally. We can’t even process her because she refuses to tell us who she really is. Mikasa Ackerman does not exist according to all of our records.

 

(The cop gets up and grabs his keys)

 

RYAN: She may not exist in this world, but-

 

ETHAN: Can we just see her?

 

COP: Yes, follow me.

 

(Ethan and Ryan follow the cop to the holding cells. They walk past a cell that has a man with his hand stuck in a toaster inside of it, and then they end up at a cell where Sarah is in the corner, wearing a hoodie. Ryan runs up to the bars)

 

RYAN: Sarah!
 

(Sarah looks up, and then, shocked, runs over to Ryan)

 

SARAH: Oh my God, Ryan, how did you find me?!!?

 

ETHAN: How did WE find you?

 

RYAN: Yes, my dad helped.

 

ETHAN: I gave him a condom. (Sarah squints in confusion) I’ll explain later.

 

RYAN: Why did you run away? Everyone was worried.
 

(Sarah sighs)

 

SARAH: I know. Honestly…I just felt so embarrassed about-

 

RYAN: The Calhoun thing?

 

SARAH: Great, so you know about it.

 

RYAN: Yeah. Sorry. But then again, so does all of Hampshire College, so, it’s kind of not a big deal.

 

SARAH: The fewer people that know the better. That guy is an asshole.

 

RYAN: Why isn’t he jailed here?

 

SARAH: They know his name, so they extradited him back to Massachusetts.

 

RYAN: But you’re Mikasa.

 

SARAH: Exactly.

 

(Ryan and Sarah hold each other’s hands through the bars)

 

RYAN: Why didn’t you just call me?

 

SARAH: Because who am I to you? We hardly ever see each other anymore.

 

RYAN: …I know. It’s been, I’ve been really busy, living in New York.

 

SARAH: You can’t call? Or Skype?

 

ETHAN: This is getting awkward.

 

(Ryan looks back at Ethan)

 

RYAN: I’ve got this, dad. (Ethan puts his hands up, and then down. Ryan looks back at Sarah) I’m sorry I’ve been distant. But you can’t do this. Look at where it’s gotten you.

 

(Sarah looks down at the ground)

 

SARAH: Yeah, I know. I’ve been a dumbass.

 

RYAN: …So let me ask you. How did Calhoun find you after he knocked me out?

 

SARAH: He what?!
 

RYAN: All will be explained.

 

SARAH: Well, he tracked me down in Atlantic City through a personal ad I posted asking for free firewood.

 

RYAN: And?

 

SARAH: And he said he’d provide for me if we changed our names and moved to Florida. And here, I needed money, so I became his groupie as he toured around the state playing folk songs. But then yesterday…

 

(Flashback to Bill Calhoun sitting on a stool, onstage at a half-empty bar, with a guitar in his hands. Sarah is sitting at the counter, intently watching. The camera is at a down angle looking up at Calhoun)

 

BILL: Morning, everyone. Glad to see so many people are starting their days off right.

 

BAR PATRON: SHUT UP!

 

BILL: Cool. So I’m gonna play y’all a song. (Bill starts playing and singing “The Times They Are A-Changin’” by Bob Dylan) Gather ‘round children, wherever you roam. And admit that the waters around you have grown, and accept it that soon, you’ll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth saving, then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone, for the times they are a-changin’!

 

(Cut to Sarah slamming the back door of the bar and facing Bill)

 

SARAH: Bill, this is bullshit! How’re we supposed to live like this, making two bucks per show?!

 

BILL: We have the gator fighting.

 

SARAH: But that shit is fucked way up!

 

BILL: Do you wanna survive?! Then you gotta throw away those morals of yours!

 

SARAH: I already was a prostitute, Bill, I have to have some standards!!

 

BILL: Oh, please.

 

(Bill walks over to his car in the parking lot)

 

SARAH: Bill, don’t walk away from me, goddamnit!
 

(Bill walks over to Sarah and holds up a baggie of cocaine)

 

BILL: You see this, Sar-bear?

 

SARAH: DO NOT CALL ME THAT!!!

 

BILL: THIS IS HOW WE COULD LIVE! THIS could put the skittles in your stomach and the clothes on your back. And you know what? This is how we’re going to do it from now on, I don’t care what you say.

 

(Bill walks to his car)

 

SARAH: YOU’RE JUST A TWO-BIT GANGSTER, BILL!!!

 

(Bill gets in the car. He then gets out)

 

BILL: Are you coming!?

 

SARAH: Yes, I’m coming.

 

(Sarah goes over to the car, and gets in. Then Bill gets in, and they back out of the parking space. “Festival Song” by Jeff Rosenstock begins playing as we cut to Sarah, Bill and a bunch of crackheads and cokeheads cheering for gator fights in a basement. Sarah is leaning against the wall, witnessing it with much displeasure and moral apprehension. Calhoun is furiously handing out bags of cocaine in exchange for cash, with a big smile on his face. He slaps backs and rubs shoulders as he doles out the dope. Sarah shrugs and goes upstairs to the ground floor of the house Calhoun and her live in. She walks into her bedroom, and crashes onto the bed, as the song ends. A crackhead pops his head into the room)

 

CRACKHEAD: Excuse me, where is the little boy’s room?

 

SARAH: Oh, you want to go up on the roof, take a left as far as you can go, and then you’ll find it.

 

CRACKHEAD: Thanks, cutie.

 

(The crackhead smiles a horrible smile, and then leaves. Sarah starts crying. Cut to Calhoun in a back room, meeting with some Miami mobster types in wife beaters and bowling shirts. They are sitting on couches around a table with lines of coke on it)

 

MOBSTER: I like how much we’ve diversified, Croc, selling crack and coke?

 

BILL: The economy depends on choices, brother. (Bill takes out a deck of playing cards, and puts cards on the table one by one) Some people are kings- (Bill points at a King of Hearts) and others are just jokers.

 

(Bill points at a Joker card)

 

MOBSTER: But?

 

BILL: But they all have money. This is a very profitable, one-stop-shop for crack, coke and alligator fighting.

 

MOBSTER 2: Just add Bingo night and we’ll have the most popular club in Florida.

 

(They all laugh)

 

BILL: Good’n, Raul. (Bill turns to the first mobster) So, what do you think about investing, Pablo, my man?

 

(Pablo sits back)

 

PABLO: I don’t know, Croc. This club is hot right now, but can it last?

 

BILL: Come on, Pabs, don’t say “no” now. I already bought these- (Bill puts croc skin shoes on the table) croc skin shoes and some- (Bill takes a pair of contact lenses) contact lenses that make me look like a reptile. (Bill puts them in) Pretty sweet, right? Tell me I ain’t sell this persona! Crocodile Jose es aqui, pendejos!

 

RAUL: Your accent is the best, man.

 

(Bill looks at Raul)

 

BILL: Thanks.

 

(Bill looks back to Pablo)

 

PABLO: …What about that bitch you got?

 

BILL: Who?

 

PABLO: Mikasa, or whatever the fuck. The Asian chick.

 

BILL: Oh. Yes. What about her? Despite her obvious Asian descent and my obvious Cuban descent?

 

PABLO: Can’t she help out, if she’s gonna be hangin’ around all the damn time?

 

BILL: Well, she’s not really-

 

(Pablo leans forward)

 

PABLO: Nah, man. I can’t trust a bitch who hang around but don’t do nothin’. The best way to gain loyalty is to make someone need you. And if she ain’t gettin’ a paycheck from me, she ain’t need me, and I don’t trust her.

 

(Bill nods)

 

BILL: I understand, Pablo.

 

PABLO: Show her how it works. Have her do a deal. She’ll get the hang of it.

 

BILL: Yes, of course.

 

RAUL: Man, she really pretty too, man.

 

PABLO: Nigga, is you an actual baby?

 

RAUL: Nah, nigga, I’m just nice!

 

(Cut to Calhoun in the basement watching a gator fight, as the crackheads cheer. Calhoun is smiling. He then looks around, and sees no Sarah)

 

CALHOUN: Where is she? (Calhoun walks towards the stairs. Cut to Calhoun poking his head into Sarah’s room) What’s wrong now?

 

SARAH: …Nothing. I just don’t feel well.

 

(Calhoun sighs)

 

CALHOUN: Let’s go on a drive.

 

(Sarah sits up)

 

SARAH: Long drives with gangsters make me nervous, Bill. Are we gonna go fishing next?

 

CALHOUN: I have something to show you.

 

SARAH: I don’t wanna see you pick up another goddamn alligator.

 

CALHOUN: No, it’s not that. My alligator guy is on vacation in Cuba. Just come with me.

 

(Sarah sighs and gets up to follow Calhoun. Cut to Calhoun driving his truck with Sarah in the passenger seat. Sarah is looking forlornly out the window. Calhoun pulls up to a curb on some street corner and stops)

 

SARAH: Is this?

 

CALHOUN: You’ll see.

 

(Calhoun flashes his brights twice. Ashton walks over to the truck’s window)

 

ASHTON: Hey Bill. (Ashton notices Sarah) Oh, hey, Sarah!
 

SARAH: Jesus, why are you everywhere?!

 

ASHTON: I go on tour. I’m pretty popular, in, all urban areas. Why, what have you done with your life?

 

SARAH: Just give my boyfriend drugs, you creep.

 

CALHOUN: Here.

 

(Calhoun hands Ashton money. Ashton takes the money, counts it, and smiles)

 

ASHTON: You’re a pillar of the community, Calhoun.

 

(Ashton hands a baggie of cocaine to Calhoun)

 

CALHOUN: Thanks.

 

(Ashton tips his snapback)

 

ASHTON: It was dank to see you again, Sarah.

 

SARAH: Go awaaaay.

 

(Ashton smiles, nods his head and walks away)

 

CALHOUN: Have you fucked him?

 

SARAH: Nooo! What is the point of this trip!?

 

(Calhoun puts the baggie of coke in Sarah’s lap)

 

CALHOUN: I’ve left you out of this for too long. I haven’t used my academic mind in a while, but I realized how patriarchal I was being by handling the business side of everything. I think it’s past time you deal someone a bag of coke.

 

(Sarah looks over at Calhoun)

 

SARAH: …You think that’s why I’m pissed?

 

CALHOUN: Sarah. You’re in this. You can’t claim moral superiority just because you give disapproving looks. You’re LETTING this happen. You can at least help out.

 

(Sarah snarls, shakes her head and then undoes her seatbelt)

 

SARAH: Fine, give it here.

 

(Calhoun hands Sarah the cocaine and she stuffs it in her jacket)

 

CALHOUN: There’s a guy at the end of this street reading the Miami Herald. He is wearing a stove pipe hat and a pair of clogs. That’s how you know it’s him.

 

SARAH: Why is he-?

 

CALHOUN: It’s hard to stand out in Miami, just go.

 

(Sarah sighs and jumps out of the truck. She starts walking down the street, as Calhoun closes the truck door. We cut to a tracking shot of Sarah from the front as she walks down the street, with Calhoun’s truck falling into the background. Sarah continues walking, until a police officer stops her in her tracks)

 

POLICE OFFICER: Ma’am, where are you off to?

 

SARAH: (Nervously) Practice. Yeah. Practice.

 

POLICE OFFICER: Practice for what?
 

SARAH: Just…practice.

 

(Cut to Calhoun in his truck)

 

CALHOUN: Shit. I need to get.

 

(Calhoun starts his truck, and quickly turns around, driving away. Cut back to Sarah and the police officer)

 

POLICE OFFICER: There’s been a lot of drug-dealing activity in this area.

 

SARAH: Is that right?

 

POLICE OFFICER: Yep.

 

SARAH: Well, I’m certainly on the straight-and-arrow, but I’ll look out for any drug fiends and let you know!
 

POLICE OFFICER: Empty your pockets.

 

SARAH: I don’t have to, because of the constitution, though, right?

 

POLICE OFFICER: Listen, missy, I’ve had enough of your legalese!!

 

(The officer takes reaches into Sarah’s jacket pocket and pulls out the coke)

 

SARAH: HEY!! THAT WAS ILLEGAL!!!

 

POLICE OFFICER: WHO’S WORD ARE THEY GONNA TAKE, YOURS OR MINE?! I’M CROOKED AS FUCK! YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!
 

SARAH: Listen, it’s just my personal cocaine, alright?!
 

(The officer puts Sarah in handcuffs)

 

POLICE OFFICER: Oh, I bet.

 

SARAH: It is! (The officer leads Sarah the other direction, and Sarah sees Calhoun’s truck is gone) Son of a bitch.

 

POLICE OFFICER: Don’t make me get out the taser! I’ve really been wanting to try it out!
 

SARAH: Nevermind. I’m sorry.

 

(Cut back to the present, with Sarah and Ryan talking through the bars, with Ethan standing behind him)

 

RYAN: Wow. That was way too detailed.

 

SARAH: I know, I need to cut it down for future retellings. But that’s the hell I’ve been through.

 

RYAN: How in God’s name could you have known that stuff about Calhoun, Pablo and Raul when you weren’t there to witness it?

 

(A cop shows up with a tape recorder)

 

COP: Because we were bugging the place. We played that conversation back for Ms. Ackerman, here.

 

RYAN: What the fuck?! You guys know about her connection with Calhoun!?

 

COP: Yeah, why?

 

RYAN: SHE’S Sarah Blumenthal! A missing person!

 

COP: She couldn’t be Blumenthal, she’s Asian.

 

ETHAN: Holy shit.

 

SARAH: Too easy.

 

RYAN: Sarah, we’ll get you out of here and make sure these charges are dropped, I mean, that police officer violated your rights!
 

SARAH: But who’s gonna pay my bail in the meantime?

 

(Ryan turns to Ethan. Ethan nods his head)

 

ETHAN: Of course I’ll bail you out, sweetheart. Money is what makes me a good parent.

 

(Ryan turns back to Sarah)

 

RYAN: My dad will pay the $500 dollars and you’ll be free, Blumenthal.

 

SARAH: (To Ethan) Thank you, Mr. Donahue! Thanks so much!
 

(Ethan walks over to the prison bars and looks at Sarah)

 

ETHAN: ...You’ll just owe me, it’s fine.

 

(Sarah furrows her brow. Cut to Ethan, Sarah and Ryan in a Miami hotel room. Sarah is sitting on the hotel bed. Ryan is sitting in the office chair at the desk. Ethan stands before them)

 

SARAH: Thanks again, Mr. Donahue. And thanks Ryan, for coming to look for me.

 

RYAN: Yeah, I can’t believe we found her when the police couldn’t.

 

ETHAN: Yeah, speaking of which, we should probably tell the authorities that we’ve found her so they don’t waste their time looking for her.

 

RYAN: I’m kind of curious as to whether they can find out she’s here. My guess is no.

 

ETHAN: We’ll call them in the morning.

 

(Ethan walks through a door to the other half of the double hotel room. Ryan gets up and crashes onto the bed next to Sarah)

 

RYAN: God, what a nightmare. I’m glad it’s over.

 

SARAH: I mean, Trump is still President.

 

RYAN: Please don’t do that right now.

 

(Sarah giggles and slides down to lay next to Ryan)

 

SARAH: Want to get room service?

 

RYAN: …Isn’t this a Motel Five?

 

SARAH: Apparently, they have mashed potatoes and spam.

 

(Ryan chuckles)

 

RYAN: I’m okay. I don’t eat in front of people anyway.

 

SARAH: Because it’s weird?

 

RYAN: You got it.

 

SARAH: …You’re so cute.

 

(Ryan turns towards Sarah, as she turns towards him)

 

RYAN: Thanks. You know, you seem like you’re in high spirts for someone who just got bailed out of jail and was recently missing for over a month.

 

SARAH: I chose to go missing.

 

RYAN: Even so.

 

SARAH: I’m glad I’m back. And I’m glad I’m with you. (Sarah reaches her hand to Ryan’s zipper, and Ryan looks at that, and gets up. Sarah sits up) What’s wrong?

 

RYAN: You’re not thinking clearly, that’s what’s wrong. You’re about to open Pandora’s fly.

 

SARAH: Don’t dismiss me as crazy, I know exactly what I’m doing.

 

RYAN: Damnit. You caught me being sexist.

 

SARAH: Hell yeah!
 

RYAN: Sarah, you may think you want me, right now, because I rescued you, but, you just need to sleep on that.

 

(Ryan walks over to the other bed and lays down. Sarah turns her head to Ryan’s bed)

 

SARAH: Ryan, do you know what Calhoun would do during sex?

 

RYAN: Yes, of course I do, we’ve fucked plenty of times.

 

SARAH: He says nothing. He’s completely silent and expressionless. You at least sneeze and wince!

 

RYAN: No, I was just allergic to your perfume, Sarah.

 

SARAH: Whatever! You are everything Calhoun is not.

 

(Ryan shakes his head)

 

RYAN: I’m going to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.

 

(Ryan gets in bed and turns off the lamp on the bedside table. Sarah sighs and rests her head on the pillow. The camera focuses in on her disappointed face)

 

SARAH: …You know, I can’t go back to Amherst with all this shame on my back.

 

RYAN: …I know.

 

(Cut to Ethan driving Ryan and Sarah back to Hansbay the next day. Ethan is in the front seat while Ryan and Sarah are in the back seat)

 

ETHAN: Man, do I love being a chauffeur.

 

RYAN: Dad, I don’t want anyone to be alone back here.

 

ETHAN: Then I’ll just pick up this hitchhiker so he can keep Sarah company.

 

RYAN: No!! (Ethan starts slowing down. Ryan gets in the front seat) See? It’s fine, I’m here now. Speed up.

 

(Ethan speeds up, and then puts his hand on Ryan’s shoulder)

 

ETHAN: Now we can bond.

 

(Ryan nods awkwardly. Cut to Mayor Satch and Amy Blumenthal waiting in front of city hall, surrounded by city officials and Hansbay citizens, with a big banner over city hall reading “WELCOME HOME, SAR-BEAR!”)

 

MAYOR SATCH: Oh, geez, I’m so excited!! Do you think she’ll let me hug her?

 

AMY: Probably not, but you can ask her. (A car pulls up to City Hall, and Ryan, Ethan and Sarah emerge. People begin applauding. Sarah runs towards her mom, and hugs her) It’s so good to have you back, honey! Never scare me like that again, okay?!

 

SARAH: I won’t, mom.

 

(Sarah lets go of Amy and looks at Mayor Satch)

 

MAYOR SATCH: So… (Mayor Satch outstretches his arms) huggy hug?

 

SARAH: …If I had gotten kidnapped, maybe. But it is not the time.

 

(Mayor Satch puts his arms down)

 

MAYOR SATCH: Oh. Sorry.

 

(Ethan and Ryan walk up to Mayor Satch. Ethan shakes Mayor Satch’s hand)

 

ETHAN: I’m sure you’re relieved, Mr. Mayor.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Ethan, thank you so much!!!

 

(Mayor Satch hugs Ethan)

 

ETHAN: Oh, okay…

 

MAYOR SATCH: Ethan, I was so scaaaared…

 

ETHAN: Jesus, Mr. Mayor, have some dignity.

 

SARAH: IRVILLE!!!

 

(Mayor Satch lets go of Ethan)

 

MAYOR SATCH: Yes, cupcake?

 

SARAH: This is about me, and it’s NEVER about you.

 

MAYOR SATCH: You’re right I’m sorry.

 

(Mayor Satch takes a handkerchief out of his suit that has the initials “BS” on it and he wipes away his tears. Ethan furrows his brow)

 

ETHAN: Is that one of Brian’s suits?

 

MAYOR SATCH: I don’t know, I found it in a spare city hall closet.

 

(Richard Stovall comes over to Sarah with a microphone and a camera)

 

RICHARD: We’re here live at City Hall, where Sarah Blumenthal has returned to us. How does it feel being back, honey?

 

SARAH: I don’t live here.

 

RICHARD: How excited are you to be back from that strange man’s basement?

 

SARAH: What kind of information do you have?

 

(Richard sorts through his notes)

 

RICHARD: Sorry, wrong notes. Are you gonna fight the charges pending in Florida?

 

SARAH: Yeah, my rights were violated, so, we’re moving for the Judge to drop the case. And I’m also willing to testify against Bill “Crocodile Jose” Calhoun.

 

RICHARD: Is this a case of rich, white girl privilege?

 

(Ethan goes over to the reporter and steps in front of Sarah)

 

ETHAN: Come on, hasn’t she been through enough? Go report on the new public pool that opened, huh?

 

RICHARD: Is it true what the rumors say about your falling out with Anella Carpenter?

 

ETHAN: Ms. Carpenter is very important to me.

 

RICHARD: That’s not a “no”.

 

ETHAN: Uhhhh…FAKE NEWS! Let’s go, guys.

 

(Ethan leads Sarah away from Richard, and Mayor Satch, Ethan, Ryan, Sarah and Amy all walk towards the front door to City Hall. Richard turns towards the camera)

 

RICHARD: Well, there you have it, folks. Sarah Blumenthal is back, Councilman Donahue does not deny his break-up with Anella Carpenter, and someone disposed of a car battery in the brand new public pool. A disaster for the Democratic Party’s leadership of this town. Except for Sarah coming home, that’s great.

 

(Cut to Ryan and Sarah sitting before Mayor Satch’s desk)

 

MAYOR SATCH: So. You guys requested this meeting. What is it you want and say it soon because Sarah’s giving me the scary eyes.

 

RYAN: Sarah.

 

(Sarah relaxes her eyes)

 

SARAH: Sorry. Force of habit.

 

RYAN: Mr. Mayor, Sarah has something to ask you. Sarah, go ahead.

 

(Sarah glares at Ryan)

 

SARAH: Thanks for the permission, dude. (Sarah looks at Mayor Satch) Irville, I can’t go back to Amherst for school. I’ll be a laughing stock there. I wanna transfer to SUNY Plattsburgh.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Where is SUNY Plattsburgh?

 

RYAN: It’s in Plattsburgh, New York. Obviously.

 

MAYOR SATCH: New York is far away, Sarah, and the city is dangerous for a young girl.

 

RYAN: Sir, not “New York City”. I just said it’s in Plattsburgh, New York, and it’s like an hour and a half away. You know we border New York, right?

 

MAYOR SATCH: I’m not a geography major, Ryan. Although I did try to major in maps at Hansbay Community College once.

 

SARAH: Irville, I just want you and MY mom to pay my way at SUNY Plattsburgh, so I can leave all this embarrassing bullshit behind.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Honey. (Mayor Satch leans forward) What happened that was so embarrassing?

 

(Sarah sighs, and looks at Ryan)

 

RYAN: …You don’t have to tell him.

 

(Sarah looks at Mayor Satch)

 

SARAH: …I fucked my professor, Irville.

 

(Mayor Satch’s eyes widen, and Ryan looks at Sarah with a shocked expression)

 

MAYOR SATCH: …Oh. Well. Uhhh…hey, we’ve all had youthful indiscretions. When I was twenty, I-

 

SARAH: I don’t care.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Good, because I don’t have a story.

 

SARAH: If you don’t pay for my transfer, I’ll go into intimate detail about what Professor Calhoun and I did.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Okay, you win! You win! We’ll pay for it!
 

SARAH: Thank you.

 

MAYOR SATCH: You know, kiddo. I’m, I’m just glad your back home and safe. You and your cool stepdad should go golfing on the “regulah”, you know?

 

RYAN: Don’t try and pull that off.

 

MAYOR SATCH: Got it.

 

(Cut to Ryan and Sarah walking into Ryan’s dorm room)

 

RYAN: Oh, cool, Blaine isn’t here.

 

SARAH: What’s wrong with Blaine?

 

RYAN: I’ve been trying to figure that out myself. (Ryan walks over to his desk and sits on it) So if you moved into University Inn, this is what the rooms would look like. It’s pretty lame, and you shouldn’t do it.

 

SARAH: Where are you living next semester?

 

RYAN: College Courtyards, an apartment complex off campus. I’m moving in with Alan Fleming, my token black friend.

 

(Sarah giggles)

 

SARAH: Your virtue-signaling is hardly bearable.

 

RYAN: I know. I’m a snowflake.

 

(Sarah sits on the desk next to Ryan)

 

SARAH: Where would you want to live over the summer?

 

RYAN: I don’t know. I figured I would just suffer in silence at my mom’s house like every summer.

 

SARAH: You know, have you ever thought about studying abroad?

 

(Sarah pulls out a flyer that reads “Study Abroad- Japan, Numerous Majors Accepted!” Ryan furrows his brow)

 

RYAN: I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, but, Japan’s a pretty dangerous place to be right now.

 

SARAH: That last missile blew up.

 

RYAN: Still though, I don’t know if I want to be in Donald Trump’s nuclear sandbox.

 

SARAH: The missile couldn’t even reach Japan, don’t worry, this will be fun! You get to live in Tokyo, the Meccha of anime culture, and I can take animation classes, and you get to take music classes at the Tokyo University of the Arts! It’s a win-win!

 

RYAN: Where would we live?

 

SARAH: This cool, box apartment. Just barely enough room to live, it’s super cute.

 

(Ryan bites his lip and smiles)

 

RYAN: I do want to try out a sex robot.

 

SARAH: Me too!!

 

RYAN: This sounds interesting. Could we qualify?

 

SARAH: Yes! But we have to jump on it right now.

 

RYAN: I need to talk to my parents about it. What about yours?

 

SARAH: They are under my complete and total control. I’m basically the shadow Mayor of Hansbay at this point.

 

RYAN: Cool! Could you excuse my dozens of outstanding parking tickets?

 

SARAH: I will if you go to Japan with me.

 

(Ryan smiles)

 

RYAN: …As long as my parents are down, I’m down.

 

(Sarah puts her hand on Ryan’s leg)

 

SARAH: ???

 

(SUBTITLES: “Good.”)

 

(Sarah starts making out with Ryan, and Ryan gives in. They move to the bed as “Never Clean My Room” by Swain begins playing. Sarah removes her shirt, and then bra. Ryan pauses to remove his shirt, and he throws it aside. They make out on the bed for a while. Ryan then undoes Sarah’s pants, and pulls them down, along with her panties. Sarah undoes Ryan’s pants and underwear, and they start having sex. Cut to the bathroom door. Blaine comes out and sees Ryan and Sarah having sex, but neither of them notice him. Blaine marvels at their sex for a while, but then just goes back into the bathroom. The song wraps up, and we cut to Ethan walking up to his apartment door, knocking on it very lightly, waiting, and then just unlocking the door. He shuts the door to behind him and he sees many things missing, and a note on the coffee table. Ethan walks over to the coffee table and picks up the note, and begins to read it)

 

ANELLA: (Voice over) Dear Ethan. I can’t be in the middle of a love triangle where you don’t seem to be interested in either of your options. You didn’t even tell me you were going to Florida with Ryan. And to be honest, I can’t stand idly by while you engage in neo-liberal corporatism any longer. I care very much for you, but I don’t think either of our lives has room for one another any longer. Sincerely, Anella Carpenter.

 

(Ethan throws the note down, and sheds two tears. Fade to Ethan and Ryan sitting across from one another at Bernie’s Grinders. The waiter hands Ethan a Coke and Ryan some coffee)

 

ETHAN: Thank you.

 

WAITER: Anybody want a milkshake?

 

RYAN: If we do, we’ll ask for one. Got it?

 

(The waiter nods)

 

WAITER: Yes sir.

 

(The waiter walks away)

 

ETHAN: Wow. A little harsh.

 

RYAN: Sorry, I’ve been going here for years and it needed to be said.

 

ETHAN: Hm. You know, I was going to order a beer, but I decided against it.

 

RYAN: Why? Because you’re still a drunk?

 

(Ethan shrugs)

 

ETHAN: I’m a recovering alcoholic. It’s a constant struggle. Especially right now, because Anella left me.

 

(Ethan takes a sip of his Coke)

 

RYAN: …Really?

 

ETHAN: Yeah. (Ethan sniffs) She was tired of, I don’t know, me?

 

RYAN: Is Fiona still giving you trouble?

 

ETHAN: Always. Jesus, why did I ever marry her?

 

(Ethan sheds a few tears, and takes some napkins to dry his eyes)

 

RYAN: Are you crying?

 

ETHAN: No, I’m just, sweating. It’s hot in here, Christ.

 

RYAN: No, it’s definitely chilly.

 

ETHAN: Maybe I am crying! My God, what has happened to me?! I’m the fag now, I guess.

 

RYAN: Not cool.

 

ETHAN: I’m sorry! It’s just… (Ethan puts his head in his hands) it’s been so long since I’ve felt content…

 

(Ryan furrows his brow, in concern. He reaches his hand over and holds his father’s arm, to comfort him. Ethan sees this, and then hesitantly clutches his son’s hand. We cut to a wide shot of this, and we gradually zoom out. Fade to Ryan, Oleander, Michael, Alec and Tara sitting on some couches outside a studio)

 

OLEANDER: It’s good to have you, back, Ryan.

 

RYAN: Thanks.

 

OLEANDER: I was enjoying living in your dorm while you were gone.

 

RYAN: Excuse me?

 

OLEANDER: Blaine didn’t notice, he just kept staring at his computer screen.

 

(Ryan leans forward)

 

RYAN: You need to get a home.

 

OLEANDER: I’ve made it this far, brother!
 

MICHAEL: We’re burying the lead here. Ryan, we got some news while you were gone.

 

RYAN: What’s that? Because I have some news too.

 

ALEC: Ooh, double news. I’m excited. Wait, do you have a disease?

 

RYAN: No- well, yes, but that’s mental, and that’s not news.

 

ALEC: Cool.

 

RYAN: You go first, Michael.

 

MICHAEL: This is fuckin’ gucci, we got invited by Firefly Music Festival to do a set. Some group called “Young Bombs” dropped out, so they called us.

 

TARA: Isn’t that amazing?

 

(Ryan sits back)

 

MICHAEL: …Uhhh, dude? I expected you to flip shit.

 

RYAN: This is awkward, but…I want to break up.

 

MICHAEL: …What?!

 

RYAN: Yeah. Sarah and I are going to Japan for the summer, and I don’t feel entirely committed to this band right now. I’m sorry.

 

OLEANDER: Bro, how am I gonna sleep every night on this couch if we don’t have access to the studio?!

 

RYAN: You, won’t. Live with your parents, at least!

 

ALEC: Come on, man. Why do you have to do us like this?

 

RYAN: I’m sorry, guys. But with Chance’s passing, and Sarah and I going to Japan, and the fact that our last album was…terrible, I just don’t have the drive for this band that I used to. You guys will always be my ??.

 

(Ryan shuts his eyes and flashes a peace sign)

 

ALEC: That’s a little racist.

 

(Ryan opens his eyes and puts his hand down)

 

RYAN: Come on, guys, I’m not racist, I have an Asian girlfriend.

 

MICHAEL: What? Does Sarah know? And can I have a printed picture of her?

 

RYAN: Never mind. Just listen, guys, you have to understand-

 

MICHAEL: No, we don’t. This is a music festival! We haven’t been to one of those in three years!

 

TARA: Yeah, and Alec and I have never been to one.

 

ALEC: And I want to go to Firefly especially, because my dream is to convince Chance The Rapper to go on a road trip with me, where we only listen to his albums.

 

MICHAEL: Who the hell is that?

 

OLEANDER: How about this, Ryan? We just keep DHF together, without you.

 

(Ryan glares at Oleander)

 

RYAN: I founded this band. You can’t do that.

 

ALEC: Fine, we can change the name, because I always thought it was stupid anyway.

 

MICHAEL: Honestly, yes, you were a retarded 17-year old when you came up with this name.

 

RYAN: It took turning eighteen to realize that. I get it. You guys do whatever you want! (Ryan stands up) I can’t stop you. But it’s a separate band. Remember that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to Japan with my ??.

 

(Ryan leaves. Michael sighs and shakes his head)

 

MICHAEL: …That dude will never learn.

 

OLEANDER: How long do you think he’ll be with Sarah?

 

MICHAEL: Let’s just say, Sarah will have to find her own place in Tokyo for a while.

 

ALEC: Shit, she’s gonna go missing again, isn’t she?

 

MICHAEL: Probably.

 

(Cut to Ryan driving home at night, as “Threads” by Portishead begins playing. Ryan looks at the clock. It is 11:31 PM. Ryan then looks at the moon as he drives, for a couple seconds. He then looks back to the road to see he is speeding towards a car stopped on the road due to a traffic jam. He panics, and slams on the brake, stopping just before he hits the vehicle. He takes a second to breathe a sigh of anxiety, and relief. He then looks at the clock, and it says 11:45. He squints at it, and then looks back at the road. The car in front of him starts moving, and he starts moving again. Cut to him pulling into the parking lot of University Inn at SUNY Plattsburgh. He gets out, as the camera shoots him from an up angle from the ground. He gets out of his car and begins walking towards University Inn. Once he arrives there, he sees the pool has re-opened, and there is a bubbling coming from one side of the pool. The camera returns to a normal torso shot. He squints, and he goes over to the gate, opens it, and walks over to the side of the pool where bubbling is coming from. He looks, trying to figure out where it’s coming from, but can’t. He shrugs his shoulders and walks away from the pool. He then walks up the stairs to the second floor of University Inn. We have a tracking shot of the back of Ryan’s head as he walks towards his dorm room. He unlocks his door, walks in, and sees Sarah sleeping in his bed. He walks over to the bed, sits down, and strokes Sarah’s hair, as we zoom out, the song ends, and we fade to credits)

 

THE END


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