Table of Contents
That Awful Sunday
New Home
The Red Star
THE RUNDOWN
Recent Comments
I had quite a bit of trouble separating the tenses you use, AC. You skip from past to present and into future seeming at random. You need to make sure that paragraphs contain the same subject matter. Presenting two or more different ideas or objects in one paragraph detracts from the story.
It does seem promising, though.
Bill
Facebook Comments
More Science Fiction Books
Discover New Books
Boosted Content from Other Authors
Short Story / Mystery and Crime
Book / Thrillers
Short Story / Fantasy
Boosted Content from Premium Members
Book / Fantasy
Book / Non-Fiction
Short Story / Flash Fiction
Book / Science Fiction
Spyguy
I like the idea of this... There are a few technical things I would recommend that you deal with; "I was just nine years old, who..."= Needs to be changed to something like this: "I was just a nine year old boy who..." (It doesn't flow as is)... "I understand back then why..." = Needs to be changed to: "I didn't understand back then..." Then your comment, "I do now" makes more sense!
Mon, May 15th, 2017 2:52pmAuthor
Reply
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it. Yes it's still first draft i shall be making few changes on it. Thanks for the advice i shall work on it and i hope you will enjoy future chapters as well.
Mon, May 15th, 2017 11:51am