Loan Kaffle

Loan Kaffle

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Status: In Progress

Genre: Other

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Summary

remember me?

Chapter1 (v.1) - My Drug

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: May 13, 2017

Reads: 29

A A A | A A A

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: May 13, 2017

A A A

A A A

We all have a drug. Usually even more than one. Some deep shit we keep to ourselves. Something that we enjoy doing alone. Something that makes us happy. Something that defines us as a person, that makes us…us. Sometimes we share our secret with the ones closest to us. Sometimes we keep it to ourselves and ourselves only. I’ve learned a lot of shit during this past few years. One of the most shocking and at the same time obvious truths I’ve learned was that being famous is not an easy job. The problems, the drama, the paparazzi, the media, the fans, the haters, the lack of time, the lack of sleep, the diets, the workouts, the makeup, the clothes, the dehydration, the travel, the fucking sweat you feel all the time...my god I was always sweating. You are always tired and you always have one more thing to do, one more event to attend, one more appearance, one more fucking workout so you can look fucking good. Damn it! At the beginning, I fucking hated the workouts. Than they became my favorite time of the day. It was the time I could escape from everything. To just stop thinking and repeat the same physical action over and over and over again while my mind is somewhere else. I would listen to my favorite music. I would sing if I wanted to. I had a whole fitness just for myself. I can do whatever the fuck I want. No, the fitness wasn’t mine. I wasn’t that rich at the time. But still I was rich and famous enough to arrange the fitness to be empty for couple of hours. I would just turn off my phone and relax while working out. Total…Relaxation...or at least that’s what I wanted. Did I get it? Of course not. If I turned my phone off a person would start knocking at the window 5 minutes after that. Like I’ve said - you always have something more to do. Eventually 70% of my workout time became studying time. I would workout while Mike – my trusted American lawyer - would read legal shit to me. This was extremely important to me, so I really had to pay attention and I did. After all, my life depended on it.

After a workout, you are dying for a nice meal and maybe a ride somewhere nice. And you will usually get both. At least I did. Eating healthy crap on the backseat of my Mercedes while being driven to an event I have no interest in attending but of course I had to so I did. That was usually my after-workout routine. If you are still feeling constantly tired. If you just want to get away and have a nice, long nap, maybe watch a movie alone, that means you are only in the first phase of being famous. I called it – the “Just let me sleep" phase. Your body is not used to this. You are used to sleeping and wasting your time. Your life is slow and boring. You have 10 things to do at any given day and you always leave at least 9 of them for tomorrow. But now things are changing. You have fucking work to do. You have 100 things to do every day, and there is no leaving them for tomorrow. Not to mention that every single thing you do now has consequences like never before in your life. You are now being constantly watched. If you had a few enemies in your life - angry exes, their fathers, maybe the boyfriend of that chick you undressed with your eyes a week ago, we all have those. But now you have thousands of people watching your every single move. Waiting for you to slip so they can capture it and make a news out of it. And yes…I am talking mostly about the media, but they are not the only enemies you will have. Whether it’s because they want to have a good laugh or because they are fucking jealous of the fact that you are famous and they are nothing, most of the people around you will want you to slip and fall. But of course, the media was the real fucking bitch. They are like insects – fucking everywhere. In my case, the media had a major role in my fame. I was one of the most scandalous people who ever lived. I was famous because of the media. They are the ones who kept me famous and at the same time they are the ones who can destroy me. It was an extremely delicately-build house of cards and I was fucking dancing on top of it.

But all of this is manageable. This new lifestyle. You will get used to it eventually. The thing that will slowly start to crush you is phase two – the “Give me more” phase. You will feel every single fucking minute like it’s an hour, the lack of things to do or doing things that doesn’t interest you anymore will slowly burn you from the inside out. And since you are famous and you are most likely doing everything you fucking want you will start to lose interest in most of the things you do on a daily basis simply because you know that you can do (and you have done) so much more.

Fame is like a drug. You start by taking a small dose. It hits you hard. You see your fans, you see the admiration in their eyes, the smile on their face and you start to feel that amazing feeling of being loved by someone but multiplied by a million. You go on a stage, you look into cameras, you know that millions are watching you and are listening to everything you are saying and you are just sitting and sweating and talking and thinking carefully what to say next which makes you sweat even more until you realize that simple truth - they fucking love you! Then you get used to this. So, you need more of your drug. Fans start screaming, you start shouting. You are still sweating but now it’s not because you are nervous but because you are yourself and you are acting from your heart which starts pumping more and more and more and more. Adrenalin pours into your blood. People get in lines to see you. You get a higher dose. People start to dress like you, to talk like you, to act like you. People start to want to be you! You get a higher dose. And when everything is fucking raging. When your heart is pumping. When the adrenalin is pouring. When your hands are shaking. What do you get? A fucking paperwork! That’s what you get. Last night you were on a stage shouting in front of screaming fans, now you are filling up documents with your lawyer about shit you don’t even care to read simply because getting into jail because of something you’ve signed and didn’t read will be the most interesting thing to happen tonight. It’s boring. Seconds feel like minutes. Minutes feel like hours. And your blood is craving for the drug. It makes you fucking scream inside, it makes your hands shake and your eyes twitch. You want some and you want it now. But you can’t have it. Because your drug is not a physical thing you can buy and use. It’s the scream of the crowd, the hands of the fans. And you can’t have that every day.

For more visit: www.loankaffle.com


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