The Best in Me

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
I try so hard to make what I can't seem to say.

Submitted: May 15, 2017

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Submitted: May 14, 2017



No longer in a shell hiding my true thoughts and feelings towards the world. I sometimes wish I could find the clock which controls time, and turn them back to a time when I walked freely with a mental state secured by the comfort of my mother. For years I lost myself which lead me to constant searching for a group I felt fit me best. Although those years went much like trying to fit a cube into a circular opening. I thought I found something when started going to church on my own back in the elementary, but that was just me looking for what I thought were peaceful people through the days and nights. Then again I recall myself thinking for a while I had finally found something special with a person I gave my all for, but she turned out to have interests in others rather than me. I didn't like those games, the tricks she played with my mind left me with open eyes to my reality around me that I had been blind to for years. The good times I shared with friends turned into sentimental moments. Should I dare speak of the tragedy of one of them getting with the person that played tricks with my mind? That is never a subject anyone wants to discuss, but this is about me so why not give it my all. He is a dastardly fella I called a good friend of mine, would even drop my order to spare him the extra change for the value meals we could split amoungst each other. However, he crossed me with the idea of lying to me for well over a year in order to hide his affection for what once was the love of my life.

I read conscious decisions of everyone I meet and interact with daily. Not to find any flaws, but rather bless them with a few facts about their unique qualities they offer people. I most times call my friends just to have conversations just about anything because I feel time is precious, so every second is to be cherished with the people I love and may grow to love. I haven't been in a long term relationship since that traget incident with those two I thought were close. I see now that was just a sign that I had not yet completely moved on, so after a few months of attending my grandmothers church I became very enlightened by the wonderful messages I recieved every Sunday. These preachers spoke highly of their beliefs and stuck by them which really put a smile on my face to see that there are people that actually practice what they preach. Most Sunday's I would look across the isle sometimes gazing at the most beautiful woman in the world. Her voice lights up the room whenever she grabs a mic to sing, I would tune everyone else out around me as if I'm the only one in the crowd she singing to. It's always a smile put on my face when she looks my way. As I moved onto another place to live I noticed my super conscious was able to be tapped into. My dreams became visions of reality happening in front of me, I could see that same woman from church gazing back at me with a smile on her face telling me how delighted she was to be able to hug me everyday.

This ability to see the world in the true light is a blessing, but at times it feels like a curse as I see friends I still would give my all for have jumped onto another train traveling uproad where assholes reside in my mind. I try my best to remain positive thinking it was only a phase they were going through, but it seems their views of me have gotten int the way of what is reality. They mock me for they do not agree with my ways and style. They claim weed has destroyed me. Yet I have not once passed them a blunt to split with me because I know my reasons for its use are as precious as my creativity comes. It helped me break through my uncomfortable position and actually awakened me from the slumber most people around still share. I found my true self. I think on my own, and make the best decisions any man can make. Love is  constantly in abundance as it surrounds me with nothing but positive energy. Ask and you shall receive it what the book of sugar coating said to the foolish people following their orders, hoping for miracles to drop from the sky when the real power lies within us all. Once you see it then there's no doubt you will call yourself a God/Goddess. A man told me I was to be sent to hell the other day, yet he had no real reason for me to spend time in such a place that doesn't exist to me for I'm too good for that. Those that sit around asking and waiting all the time are sometimes lazy, but it's not their faults for the resources are being kept from us, and we're being evicted from our homes daily. Disgusting people claiming to be holy(title) will look at those same people in need with eyes of contempt leaving the for the wolves to finish up.

I notice passion in most people for nature itself is true beauty. Scare me not with your religion stories of beliefs, but love me like I will tell everyone I encounter with good hearts such as my own. I love pure hearted people for I do not critize race, religion, sexuality, nor do I critize disabilities. Heaven is right in front of my eyes as I can look at the smiles of every man, woman, and child causing me to show them semi perfect realities they've yet to see. Brought experience I will guide the weak and lost on their journeis for peace in themselves as I once took those same roads. Hell is sleeping with a bad conscious knowing you're a monster when faced with a mirror showing the cruel horrors you put on others by trying to scare them with your ideas of burning in lakes of fire, not being able to do and see things you have, or even cursing them with your mouths because they differ just a bit when it comes to views. I noticed people that thought they had holds of me, as I crumbled their hopes and dreams of control when I stepped out defending not only my own honor, but demanding the respect of others they try to mini pulsate as well. I keep no friends nor family around that do not seek to think for themselves. For what good is that man/woman to me or anybody but their manipulator? If you feel that I am a bad person then that is your opinion and I will disagree with you until you open your eyes to the crap you eating everyday from those people around claiming to be there for you. Child's play is what I call that when faced with a man such as myself staring deeply I to the eyes of those which influence others for their own benefits. They tremble like dew falling off morning leaves facing the end of their road. Love me for me. I love everyone worth my love because I'm able to recognize that which is special inside you all.

Back on the subject of a woman who attends the sanctuary, I look forward to making precious moments of the time we can spend together. I can ask you for your time on the weekends, but I feel that will not be enough. Maybe a few trips to the Bahamas will make these years the most memorable. These dreams I have now of you are only getting better as the nights come quicker,  I see you in much of my future, and the connection felt says this is true. The impeccable drawings I could sit and sketch of us sitting along side a heart warming shoreline. The beach is nice, but I would rather a warm spring with cool breezes brushing us by minute after minute. Jumping into a waterfall and swimming into a cave hidden inside the waterfall where we can talk for hours while making pictures put of the clouds passing overhead. No trials or tribulations will be present ever for we know each other very well enough to let the flow of our positive energies and perfect connection drive us down the paths of love in our spaceships traveling side by side each day and night. We live for many reasons, one reason for me is to enjoy your smile knowing I'm apart of the reason you're able to be truely happy with yourself and our world. There's no departing each other as the only heaven I know is that infront of me which is you, Mother Earth, our Sun and Moon, dreams turning into realities, and happiness. Love will bring a better tomorrow, so why not start guaranteeing perfect days right now? What we share will bring about promises we won't have to speak about for they will come naturally just as your beauty regarding your mind, body, creativity, and spirit. Eternity is real in us all, spend most of it with me.

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