'Race To The Urinal Abyss'

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Song Lyrics  |  House: Booksie Classic
Song Parody

Submitted: May 15, 2017

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Submitted: May 15, 2017

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Johnny Horton--'Battle Of New Orleans'


In 1814 we took a little trip
Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip'

We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
And we caught the bloody British in a town in New Orleans

We fired our guns and the British kept a-comin'
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago
We fired once more and they begin to runnin'
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico
(One-two-three, with a-one-two-three)

We looked down the river
(Hut-two)
And we see'd the British come
(Three-four)
And there must have been a hundred of 'em
(Hut-two)
Beatin' on the drums
(Three-four)
They stepped so high
(Hut-two)
And they made their bugles ring
(Three-four)
We stood beside our cotton bales
(Hut-two)
And didn't say a thing
(Two-three-four)

We fired our guns and the British kept a-comin'
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago
We fired once more and they begin to runnin'
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise
(One-hut, two-three-four)
If we didn't fire our muskets
(One-hut, two-three-four)
'Till we looked 'em in the eye
(One-hut, two-three-four)
We held our fire
(Hut, two-three-four)
'Till we see'd their faces well
Then we opened up our squirrel guns
And really gave 'em - well we

Fired our guns and the British kept a-comin'
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago
We fired once more and they begin to runnin'
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

Yeah, they ran through the briars
(One-hup-two)
And they ran through the brambles
(Hup-two-three-four)
And they ran through the bushes
(Hup-two)
Where a rabbit couldn't go
(Hup-two-three-four)
They ran so fast
(Hup-two)
That the hounds couldn't catch 'em
(One-two-three-four)
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico
(One-two, hup-two-three-four)

We fired our cannon 'til the barrel melted down
So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round
We filled his head with cannon balls, and powdered his behind
And when we touched the powder off the gator lost his mind

We fired our guns and the British kept a-comin'
There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago
We fired once more and they begin to runnin'
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico

Yeah, they ran through the briars
(Hup-one-two)
And they ran through the brambles
(One-two-three-four)
And they ran through the bushes
(Hup-two)
Where a rabbit couldn't go
(Hup-two-three-four)
They ran so fast
(Hup-two)
That the hounds couldn't catch 'em
(One-two-three-four)
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico
(One-two, hup-two-three-four)

Hut-two-three-four
Sound off, three-four
Hut-two-three-four
Sound off, three-four
Hut-two-three-four
Hut-two-three-four.

******

NOT Johnny Horton--'The Race To The Urinal Abyss'

 

In nineteen hundred and 76, I went to a dance
along with my self esteem, and bell-bottom pants
I took a quickie shower and was looking pretty mean
so I slunk in a side door to that scary, groovy scene
 

I looked all around with panic in my eyes,
felt like crying as my discomfort began to rise
I looked once more and really felt like runnin'
on down 2nd Avenue just as fast as I could fly

 

I stared across the dance floor at the ladies dressed to nines,
and I felt like fleeing 'cause they we're looking mighty fine
They looked like goddesses and I just looked like me,
for a smooth operator I would never be

 

Old Conner yelled 'what the hell is going on?'
with that bastard teacher's shriek, and I was nearly gone

I held my bladder til song number three,
I ran for the bathroom door, I really had to--well, we--

 

--err--I ran down the hallway to the lavatory
I almost didn't make it 'cause I really had to pee
I ran so fast old Conner couldn't catch me,
down the many hallways, to the urinal abyss
 

I finished my business and started on back,
then I remembered all the confidence I lacked
True, the waiting girls all had nice behinds
but to think I had a shot, had I lost my mind?
 

So I, ran down the hallway and through the parking lot
and I kept on running to an unknown differen spot
I ended up at the public library
which was closed that time of night, and so...
 

--err--I ran down the hallway to the lavatory
I almost didn't make it 'cause I really had to pee
I ran so fast old Conner couldn't catch me,
down the many hallways, to the urinal abyss

Hut, hut, three, four--
empty-handed, no score
Hut, hut, three, four
No dance, no more
Hut, hut, three, four


© Copyright 2017 Mike S.. All rights reserved.

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